What has Cloudywind written?

So. What have I written throughout the years?

Lemme see...

Trash, fanfic, more fanfic, more trash, some Science Fictionish Romance...?

One thing for sure though, while my writing has improved (definitely a personal opinion), I couldn't write anything serious. Like literally. I'm pretty sure I'm someone who could make even a melancholic drama funny. And not just the subtle kind of funny. It would be WTF kind of funny.

Anyhow, these are my works so far...

Dragon Age fan fiction: The Accidental Inquisitor
Dragon Age fan fiction: My Name is Andruil
Dragon Age fan fiction: A Charger and a Scout

Nanowrimo novel: A Bored Singaporean
Nanowrimo novel: It Started from an Island


Knock yourself out with my bad writing (I hope not literally!) as I embark on writing my new novel for the Nanowrimo 2018!

And yes, it'll be funny too.

Overwatch - Saltywatch: Beyond Borders

Narrator: Every year thousands of Korean teenagers, Japanese clans, cold Chinese, Egyptian families, cowboys, giant gorillas and big Russian women leave the safety of their borders to enter dangerous places like King's Row. When the evil omnics strikes, the Overwatch Saltywatch Team is called into action.

Tracer voice-over: An Overwatch proverb says: "Cheers love, the cavalry is here!"

(Cut to a scene at Watchpoint Gibraltar and lots and lots of screens with random unreadable data. Lucio and D.Va are video-conferencing with Winston.)

Winston: So a British in King's Row has been murdered and witnesses saw a omnic running away from the death scene.

Lucio: And London needs our help?

Winston: No they don't. But because the victim is a British, and Tracer our poster lesbian is British, we will help. Whether their Prime Minister or Queen like it or not.

Tracer: Hell yeah!

D.Va: What do we know about King's Row?

Winston: King's Row is an upscale cosmopolitan area in London, but just beneath its peaceful surface, tensions between omnics and humans are running high. After England slashed the influx of immigrants entering London, they have been relying on the cheaper, better, faster omnics. But most omnics are forced to live in the slums, denied the basic rights that humans have. The omnics are just a bomb waiting to explode right under London's nose.

Lucio: Is London pursuing the suspect at this moment?

Winston: They would try, but I don't think they can handle it. The witnesses only saw an OR14 running away. But London can't tell one OR14 from another.

Tracer: Erm... neither do we.

Winston: Right, we don't. But we will kill all the OR14s that we encounter.

D.Va (grins): All I need is a nerf.

(Cut to a scene on King's Row, beneath the tube station. One middle-age fat police inspector from the Scotland Yard is gesturing and pointing on a large paper map on the desk.)

London police inspector: The unsup has been seen running towards this old abandoned factory here.

D.Va (gasps): This is where Santa Torbjorn produced all the Christmas presents last Christmas! How dare!

Lucio: Okay, it is personal now.

(Cut to a scene in the old abandoned factory which is badly destroyed by numerous MEKA Self Destruct, and broken metals all over the ground.)

London police inspector: Thank you very much. I could not have solved this crime without Overwatch. Although we still don't know which OR14 killed the human, but it doesn't matter since all the OR14s are dead. By the way, I thought you guys always travel in four?

Tracer: Yeah we do, mate. But it's Hanzo. He's never at the objective.

Alienware. Where support is not really here. Or there.

What is one of the important things you consider when buying a PC? The processor? The graphics card? The screen size if you're buying a notebook? Sure. But how many of you actually think about the warranty? And how many of you take it for granted?

"Oh so it comes with an one-year warranty? Oh ok, isn't that the standard?"

Yup, most people will be contented with an one-year warranty. Which is really the minimum these days. So when a popular brand like Alienware provides a three-years warranty, that's really a gift right?

Wrong. Apparently, they didn't expect you to expect them to honor this three-years warranty. It's a... "For display only" item.

And here's the real-life story of why you shouldn't trust an Alienware warranty.

The long story can be found here, on my friend Sarah's blog:
Buy Alienware Dell ?

The short story is here:

1. Girl bought Alienware PC with 3-years warranty included.
2. Alienware PC broke down within the 3-years warranty period.
3. Girl called up Alienware Support and was asked to switch on and off the PC, then switch on and off the PC, then switch on and off the PC...
4. Alienware Support finally decided to move their arses and do a house call. Only during THEIR business hours. Which means Girl has to take a day off from work. Lucky for her, after some negotiation, they gave in and made the visit at 7pm.
5. Alienware Support tried to fix the PC with refurbished motherboards. 
6. Refurbished motherboards still won't work, PC still not working, and Alienware still refused to replace Girl's PC or even with a new motherboard.
7. Girl still stuck with a defective Alienware PC.

So yeah. This is why you should consider spending your bucks on other brands like HP, Asus, MSI, Acer... well, basically any other brands BUT Alienware.

A Dragon Age Inquisition fanfiction - Chapter 3: We're still in the Hinterlands?!

Day 18. Location: Fallow Mire. Weather: Creepy.

"Why didn't we wait till the morning? Why do we have to come to this kinda creepy place in the middle of the night? Whyyyyyy?!?"

Ellana'ra counted to 10 under her breath to stop herself from snapping at Sera's endless rantings. She really liked Sera and didn't want to say anything to get Sera greatly disapproves. It was already not easy to get on her good side because for some weird reasons, Sera had no good opinion of elves. Despite being a city elf herself.

"EWWWWW! What did I just stepped on?! Why are we running around this mire in the dark? Ms Inquisitor! Why can't you ask Mr I'm-the-smartest-elf-in-Thedas to make that eerie green torch?!"

Ellana'ra turned in time to see Solas glared at Sera. The next thing she knew, Blackwall shouted "CORPSE!" and ran into the water to fight off a corpse archer. And then the next thing, 10 other corpse archers jumped out of the water and surrounded them.

"YOU IDIOT WARDEN! THAT BIG WEIRD MAN ALREADY WARNED US NOT TO GET INTO THE DAMNED WATER!" Sera shouted at Blackwall, while killing a corpse archer with her Long Shot.

Ellana'ra sighed and joined in the fight. It would be really embarrassing to be appointed as the Inquisitor and then to die in a mire the day after.

xxxxxxxxxx

Day 25. Location: Storm Coast. Weather: Stormy.

CLANG CLANG CLANG...

"Boss, I'd hate to ask you this, but why do you carry a whole sack of rings wherever you go?" Iron Bull pointed to the sack of very noisy rings Ellana'ra carried at her belt.

"Bull, I hate it too, but I HAVE to carry these rings when we explore leh. Because we don't know when we might run into a dragon right? Then we also don't know what kind of dragon right? So I have to bring 4 fire resistant rings, 4 cold resistant rings, 4 lightning resistant rings, 4 spirit..."

"Er... guys, do we have any Giant resistant ring?" Varric cut Ellana'ra's grumble short and pointed at a Giant who was stomping towards their direction. Fast.

"Shit, Boss! I forgot to tell you the Giant in this area is very sensitive to sound!" Bull shouted and charged towards the Giant.

CLANG CLANG CLANG...

So did Ellana'ra.

xxxxxxxxxx

Day 32. Location: Hinterlands. Weather: Sunny.

"What do you need me to do again?" Ellana'ra glared at the villager.

"Look for Lord Woolsley. He's a very special ram."

Apparently special enough to be called a Lord. And special enough to ask the Inquisitor to look for him.

"Yes, we'll help." Cassandra nodded her head to the villager. Ellana'ra gave her the "What the hell?" look and Cassandra returned with a "I said WE will help!" look. The look that will kill any demon within the radius of 1km. Defeated with a sigh, Ellana'ra turned and walked down the path.

So we need to find a ram now. While we help some guy put flowers on his wife's grave. While we help some woman look for her dead husband's ring.

"I believe it's on our way, Inquisitor. Cassandra patted Ellana'ra's shoulder and smiled slightly. "Who know, we might be so lucky, this ram can be found near the druffalo we're looking!"

Right. While we look for a run-away druffalo.

A Dragon Age Inquisition fanfiction - Chapter 2: So I’m the Herald now?

Apparently they were right and Ellana’ra could indeed close the rifts with her glowing left hand. With that confirmation, she was suddenly the Herald of Andraste, the leader of a new organization called Inquisition, and a very confused elf.

“Hello? In case my Vallaslin and pointed ears are not obvious enough, I’m an elf leh! I pray to old elven gods, not your Andraste leh! So how can I be the Herald of Andraste?!” Closing rifts was one thing. Changing religion was a whole different level.

“They saw how you close the rift with your mark! And they saw the green goddess holding out her hand to you! The people now believe that you’re the Herald and the only one to give them hope! For the Inquisition to succeed, we need to make them believe that!” Cassandra tried to shout and explain at the same time.

“It’s just branding. Don’t be too bothered by it ok?” Josephine patted Ellana’ra’s shoulder and smiled. In this new organization that Cassandra forcefully and hastily set up, three advisors would assist Ellana’ra. Leliana the pretty but scary looking Spymaster, Cullen the stern Commander, and Josephine the friendly ambassador. Which meant that every important decision would have to go through either one of them.

Well, at least I get to point finger if something screwed up.

According to the advisors, they needed to get support from the Mages or Templars to close the Breach, but for now, the Chantry had denounced them heretics and the Inquisition a cult.  Josephine reckoned that before they approach the Mages or Templars, they needed to expand their influence and prove to the world that they were seriously saving the world and not some new cult that recruits virgins to have orgy with the Herald.

What a shame.

Ellana’ra sighed as she was wandering around in the Hinderlands with a human warrior, an elf mage and dwarf rouge. Some Chantry cleric called Mother Giselle wanted to speak to her, and while they were there, they were also to help some refugees and spread some influence of the Inquisition. Shake some hands and kiss some babies if necessary.

After fighting off some rebel mages and templars at a village called Crossroads, the team planted their flag and Ellana’ra found Mother Giselle tending to some wounded refugees.

“Mother Giselle?”

“I am. And you must be the one they’re calling the Herald of Andraste.”

Mother Giselle walked with Ellana’ra and explained to her the dim situation the Inquisition were facing. There were sneaky clerics who were quick to condemn them so that they could move up the chain of command, and terrified clerics who panicked after so many in the higher management died in the Conclave. Mother Giselle felt the best way to resolve this conflict was to approach the remaining clerics and show that Ellana’ra was not the demon they heard of.

“I honestly don’t know if you’ve been touched by Fate or sent to help us. But I hope. Hope is what we need now. People will listen to your rallying call, as they will listen to no other.“

“But I’m just an elf leh…”

And then out of the blue and totally unexpected, Mother Giselle took a deep breath and… sang.

“Ain't no mountain high enough! Ain't no valley low enough! Ain't no river wild enough…”

“Okokok! I’ll see you in Haven ok? I should go!” Ellana’ra said and left quickly while Mother Giselle continued to sing and encourage the refugees to join her.

Ellana’ra and team continued to explore the Hinderlands and fought off some more rebel mages and templars. They could not decide whether to side the mages or templars, so they killed them both. Varric counted 38 bodies by the time they stopped to set up camp. Higher count than the 20 iron ores Ellana’ra collected along the way.

This task of collecting metal ores and plants really irritated Ellana’ra. She thought since she was supposed to be the almighty and respected Herald of Andraste, she would have people under her to do such mundane tasks.

“Ser, news for you.” The Requisition Officer at the camp saluted.

“What is it?”

“See for yourself, Ser.” The said officer walked off to look at some butterflies in the bushes. Ellana’ra sighed and walked over to the Requisition table to read the new request.

Then the Requisition Officer was back with a raven on her arm.

“Ser, you’ve got raven.”

“What is it?”

“See for yourself, Ser.”

Can I fire her?

Carefully, Ellana’ra detached and unrolled the little parchment tied to the raven’s leg.

“Dear Herald, while you’re out there, could you get some elfroots too? Get at least 20. See if you can get some blood lotus as well. With regards, Leliana.

P.S. You think I didn’t know you were staring at my behind whenever I leave the war room, is it? I only love one Dalish rouge and that is my Warden! If I catch you staring again, I’ll shoot arrows into your eyes! Don’t say I never say!”

Ellana’ra felt a bead of sweat rolling down her cheek and a shiver down her spine.

After the short break, Ellana’ra and team wandered around the Hinderlands to get the plants Leliana requested for. On the way, they picked up some shiny shards that produced eerie echoes. Solas had a feeling these shards were important and said they should start collecting them. 

Great. More things to collect. I should bring along a cart next time.

Something shiny along the cliff caught Ellana’ra’s eyes. Another shard. With a few jumps, Ellana’ra hopped over to the edge of the cliff and picked it up.

“KNNCCB~~!”

Damn. Solas fell off the cliff again. I hope he still have some healing potions left.

  

A Dragon Age Inquisition fanfiction - Chapter 1: Why is my hand glowing green?

Wah! Spiders! Big spiders! Big spiders with many eyes! Run… run… run… eh… why are I running uphill?! Wait… someone’s calling me!

“Hurry up! Come over here! Take my hand!”

A green ghostly woman figure gave her hand to Ellana’ra. Ellana’ra paused for a second. Running towards a green female ghost was not really the greatest idea, but she guessed it was still a better choice than becoming spider food. So she held on to Ms Green Ghost…

“Oui! Wake up!”

Ellana’ra opened her eyes in shock and stared into a pair of very angry eyes on a very fierce face.

“Walauz! I thought you’d never wake up!” The very intimidating woman shouted into her face. “You tell me! Huh! Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now!”

OK. So there IS something worse than gigantic spiders with many eyes.

“The Conclave is gone! Everyone who attended also gone! All dead! Except for you!”

Right… I was spying on some big event when something happened… but what was it? What happened? And why did Ms Fierce Face feel that I was responsible?

“What talking you? You don’t chibai think I did it…” rebuked Ellana’ra.

“Then explain this!” Ms Fierce Face held up Ellana’ra’s chained left hand and it glowed.

Wait. GLOW?!  Why is my hand glowing?! What did I touch?! Oh! OH! That green female ghost!

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Ellana’ra screamed and Ms Fierce Face actually had a shock and stepped back. “What the hell?! What did you do to my hand?! ”

“I didn’t do anything hor!”

“If not then how come like that! What did you do?!”

“I already said I didn’t do anything! How did YOU get that?!”

“Wah bianz! I also don’t know lah!”

“You’re lying!” Ms Fierce Face grabbed Ellana’ra in anger.

“We need her, Cassandra!” A pretty lady in hood held Ms Fierce Face back, and then walked over to Ellana’ra.

“Do you remember what happened?”

So it’s good cop bad cop now?

“I only remember running. Big spiders chasing me. Then got one green female ghost… she… reached out to me…” Ellana’ra tried to recall.

“Go to the Forward Camp, Leliana. I’ll take her to the rift” Cassandra tapped on Ms Pretty in Hood’s shoulder.

Oh. So her name is Leliana. Nice name...

Cassandra then unshackled Ellana’ra and pulled her up.

“So what did happen?” Ellana’ra tried to ask.

“It’ll be easier to show you.” Cassandra replied. In a kinder tone now.

Ellana’ra stepped out of the building she was held captive. When she looked up, to her horror, the sky had a big ugly green hole in it. Really big. Really green.

“We called it the Breach. Very jialat. This big hole is connected to the demon world. And it grows bigger and bigger some more.” Cassandra explained. “And then this is not the only rift hor! Still got some more somewhere else. But this one is biggest. The explosion at the Conclave caused these rifts.”

“An explosion can do that?” Ellana’ra asked. She could not comprehend how an explosion can actually put holes in the sky. And what explosion? She still could not remember what happened at the Conclave.

“This one did. And we better do something about it. Sikali the Breach grow until so big it makan the whole world then siao liaoz… ”

Then there was a pulse from the Breach and Ellana’ra’s hand glowed and a sharp pain spread from her glowing hand to the rest of her body. “AHHHHHHHHHH!”

“Every time the Breach expands, your mark spreads. Hmm… I think it’s killing you.” Ellana’ra stared at Cassandra unbelievably.

Please tell me you’re joking.

“Maybe. I said maybe hor. Maybe it is the key to stopping this. But there isn’t much time. We need to go.” Cassandra advised.

Ellana’ra knew then she did not have a choice. If she did nothing, the mark might kill her, like what Cassandra said. Even if the mark could not kill her, the rest of the people would think that she was the terrorist that bombed the Conclave and they would kill her. It appeared that the only chance to get out of this mess alive was to help close that Breach in the sky with her mark. If it will actually work.

Censorship is bad. Discrimination is bad. Penguins are innocent.

Recently, the National Library Board (NLB) of Singapore yanked three children’s book titles off its shelves after complaints from a member of the public that the books did not promote family values. The book "And Tango Makes Three" about the real story of two male penguins hatching an egg and raising a little penguin is considered offensive. The other book "The White Swan Express" talks about families of single mom and lesbian couple is also considered offensive. And the last book "Who is in my Family?" talks about different families, including families of single parent and same-sex couple again, and is considered offensive.

So what will happen to these books after they're removed from the shelf? Ah... NLB has promised that they will be destroyed. Maybe shredded to pieces, maybe burnt, maybe disintegrated by a laser gun. Just KABOOMZ and these books shalt not exist anymore. Of course and apparently, the idea of DESTROYING A BOOK does not sit well with local writers. DUH. Because (1) One does not simply destroy a book if one IS A LIBRARY. unless one is a garang guni, fine. (2) Any writer/artist will tell you it takes LOTS of sweat and blood and money to publish a book. So to us, IT IS A SIN to destroy a book. Hell it is a taboo to even TALK about destroying a book among us! (3) So now NLB is doing censorship too? Did some Media Destroy... (oops I meant Development) Authority (MDA) officers went undercover in NLB? and lastly (4) What's wrong with these books? Are there violent or nudity in these books? Ok the penguins are in nude. But I believe that was not the concern of those concerned parents who supported the ban.

Really. So what's wrong with these books? Well, according to the Minister for Communications and Information Dr Yaacob Ibrahim, NLB's decision to ban three children's story books deemed "not pro-family" was in line with community norms. Like... Dude... Seriously? He forgot that the alternative, non-traditional families who are the minority in Singapore are also Singaporeans who pay tax and indirectly, pay for his salary? These minority also sing the Singapore anthem during National Day Parade, they also pick a side during General Elections leh! So because they're not the traditional one-many-one(or many)-woman family, they're not pro-family now?

So KABOOMZ! A rage of unhappiness and protests exploded on the internet. Basically people who support the Pink Dot (and NOT ALL who support the Pink Dot are LGBT mind you! I support the protection of animals from abuse but I assure you I don't look like a cat!) and believes in equality and coexistence felt that the country should not just pretend the LGBT community does not exist and treat them like glass-people. And these books is a good way to explain to kids that there are different types of families in this world, and love in the family is more important than anything else. Hell, a gay couple who loves each other and their kid is better than Andy's father who gamble away all the family's savings in World Cup and maybe his mother is considering divorce! And then there're those people, like a particular pastor, who thinks that the LGBT community is causing the country's moral to decline and like cancer, should be treated ASAP. These people feel that such books will poison the kids' minds and turn them into gays/lesbians like a magic wand.

Now what? These two groups of people will continue to fight. When one fight for freedom of knowledge and freedom to love, there's always another one that fight to keep the tradition, maybe in accordance to one's religion teaching. Just like when Abraham Lincoln wanted to free the slaves, half the country protested. But whatever the fight, and whoever are in the fight, I believe we should leave these books alone.

Look, these are children books, there to teach about family and LOVE. There are no indication of right or wrong type of families in the books. They are merely there to let the kids know that there're different types of families around them, like there're different types of nonya kuehs. A kid won't suddenly grow to like ondeh ondeh just because he/she sees it on a shelf. But at least now he/she knows there is such a kueh know as ondeh ondeh.

Anyway, if a parent is really not ready to expose his/her kid to these books, it is the parent's job to keep the books 400m away from the kid right? DON'T tell me that stupid excuse about WHAT IF your kid got hold of the book when he/she was unattended because THOU SHALT NOT LET YOUR KID RUN AROUND IN THE LIBRARY UNATTENDED in the first place! Bodoh!

Riot at Singapore Little India

Some heard, this was the secret conversation that was exchanged during the Riot at Little India...

0:00
Ambulance (calling Police Car #1): Er... now how har?
Police car #1: See how first lah, maybe they'll go away leh...
Fire Engine (calling Police Car #1): Ok so we wait for your call har!

1:00
Police car #1: So you want to get down to control the crowd?
Police car #2: Wah why us? You all more senior leh! You get down we follow lah!
Police car #1: Ok I tell you what, we wait and see first...

2:00
Police car #2: Oui, you getting down or not?
Police car #1: Wait lah, we wait and see first...

3:00
Police car #2: Er... like getting more people leh...
Police car #1: Wah lidat better wait and see first...

3:20
Police car #1: Shit! They throwing things at us! [to Radio] MAYDAY! MAYDAY! WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM!

4:00
Police car #2: Wah biang! They going to overturn Police Car #1 leh! Wah biang! Turtle liaoz!
Police car #1: SHIT! SHIT! FUCK!

4:20
Ambulance (calling Police Car #2): Wah biang! You all take care, we jiao first! Sorry har!
Police car #2: SHIT! They're going to overturn us now! Told you we should jiao first when Police Car #1 kena turtle!

5:05
Police car #3: SHIT! We better stay in the car! Dunno got chance to reverse or not...

6:40
Fire Engine: Wah biang! Better jiao first!
Police car #3 (calling Fire Engine): OUI! Why you hit me?!
Fire Engine: Sorry! Sorry!
Police car #4 (calling Fire Engine): OUI!
Fire Engine: Sorry! Sorry! We jiao first, you all take care ok!

7:40
Police car #4: SHIT! We going turtle liao! HELP! HELP!

More details on the Riot in Singapore's Little India news.

When Singapore taxi uncles watch too much movies

Taxi uncle saw this at The Bourne Identity...


(Fast forward to 0:40)

So he also wanted to try...


Picture from Stomp.com.sg

Then another taxi uncle saw this at a very old movie...


(Fast forward to 5:10)

And decided to give it a try too...


Picture from Stomp.com.sg

So yes, I think taxi uncles should stop watching so much movies and stick to Ch8 drama series.

Why God said sorry to Kong Hee

After spending God's money on his wife's lousy MTVs and their celebrity lifestyle, Kong Hee said God says sorry for letting him kena charged. Really?

Read more and be amazed here: Video of City Harvest Church founder Kong Hee’s sermon ignites online outrage

Only the right kind of comics are allowed here

The Singapore government is charging Singaporean political cartoonist Leslie Chew for contempt of court.

Apparently the government did not find 4 of his comics funny. The first appeared to accuse Singapore's judiciary of unfairness, a.k.a. "there's a Lite version of the law for certain group of people". The second appeared to imply that we have a Kangaroo Court in Singapore. The third appeared to compare a heavy-handed case of an opposition politician vs light-handed case of a Romanian diplomat. The fourth appeared to question the disparity in sentences meted out to people committing similar crimes.

As always, there're two opposite reactions from the Singaporeans. One group says Chew asked for it for challenging the authorities. Which is a really dangerous stunt to try in Singapore. Another group applauded him for his courage to draw the truth out and even started a petition to have his charges dropped.

So here's my take as a cartoonist. First of all, I find the government very petty to charge a cartoonist (P.S. This is my very personal opinion not meant to prove any point, so please don't sue me). Like, dude, these are cartoons! Why so serious?! Why should you care so much that you have to charge that guy? Well, I think the government should just heck-care that guy. Here's why:

• Chew's comic strips are only found online, on his site and Facebook page, which means only those only-know-how-to-complain-and-never-get-their-facts-right netizens will read them. The government should not be worried that any good citizen that reads the newspapers and only believes in the newspapers will even go online to read Chew's strips.
• Chew wrote a disclaimer with every one of his strip. It's a disclaimer! It's that chunk of font size 6 text that you find at the bottom of a very last page of an investment contract that you sign with a bank. That text that says your banker says your investment in this fund will make you lots of money, but if something bad happens and you lost all your money, the bank is not responsible. So why can't we take Chew's disclaimers seriously too? Nobody loses any money anyway.
• Shouldn't the authorities spend their time on other more urgent cases, like recovering the S$1.76 million tax money that was stolen by some senior CPIB officer? Even if this case has been attended to, shouldn't the government go check on some other officers in the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau as well? You know, just in case? (P.S. I'm only thinking, when there is cheating on a test in the class, most of the time more than one classmate is cheating. So maybe this might applies to the real world as well. So please don't sue me)

On the other hand, Chew should also have been more careful with his pen. He should have seen it coming. Look, have you ever seen a political comic strip on the newspapers that mocks Singapore politics or politicians? We'll only publish comic strips that laughs at the U.S., China or any other countries worth laughing at, but we never laugh at ourselves. Definitely not at our own politicians. Our government is really serious and we the ignorant commoners are nobody to laugh at how they do their work.

Chew should have followed these rules when he draws his comic strips:

• Thou shall not talk about races, languages and religions. We are not like the U.S. and we are not free to talk about these stuff.
• Thou shall not disclose our dislikes on policies. We are not like the U.S. or Taiwan and we are not free to talk about these stuff.
  
  
• Thou shall not draw characters that look like any Singapore politicians. We are not like Hong Kong and we are not free to draw these people.
  
  

So in summary, do I think Chew deserves to be punished? Yes, I think he should, for crossing the holy boundary that no cartoonist has crossed in Singapore, for pushing his luck. And I think he will be because the government definitely wants to prevent more cartoonists from going astray. How should he be punished? I hope not more than SGD1,000. That's the fine for littering, and I don't think his comic strips are as harmful to Singapore's environment as those litters in the lifts, at the bus-stops and on the roads.

So here's what I have on my mind on the Leslie Chew case. Please excuse me now, I'll need to go draw three white mice living happily with their China neighbour.

Breaking News: Singaporeans queued up for country's best toothpicks

Some say they have the best toothpicks in the country. And they are approved by our honorable Labour Chief.

Despicable people stealing toys from kids

Like seriously, Singaporeans? First it was Hello Kitties, now the Minions? Some more toys from HAPPY MEALS?! THE Happy Meals which are meant for KIDS?


Thanks to these pirates, all Minions were sold out island wide on the very Thursday that they were launched. Which means kids going to MCD after that will have to settle for old toys from the storeroom when they get their Happy Meals. Not that Happy for them now, I guess? Take a look at these adults, kids, they're the one stealing the toys from you!

 
Source: Stomp.com.sg

And then what do they do after they’ve queued up during their long lunch time (no wonder bosses prefer foreign workers now) and bought their precious Minions? Sell them online and manipulate the price like how their more-mature counterparts play on the stock market, of course!





Nice one, Singaporeans. Nice one. You’ve just proven that we could be more despicable.

So some people are suing some people for a quote by some people

Some people like to use quotes from other people, even when these people might not even understand what those other people actually meant.

Because the Internet is free for all to see, eventually some people, or even a lot of people, gets to read a stupid quote that some people have ignorantly quoted from other people. Of course some people will tend to make fun of these people who quote something stupid without fully understanding what they quote.

Now the problem is that these people who anyhow quote other people can sometimes be people with the cash and power to buy lawyers. And usually these people are not very happy to know that some people are talking behind their back. So almost for sure, these people will dig out those people who disagree with them, and tell them to remove all negative comments about the quote that they quoted from other people and do not associate the quote with them, or else they will be sued.

All these trouble just because somebody stole a quote from somebody.

APPLE - It is Dangerous! (Folks, I REALLY Care)

Avoid eating apples frequently - kids, especially; a true story...!

A friend of mine recently found that her 14-years old daughter has difficulty absorbing knowledge acquired outside her school textbooks. While she has no difficulty scoring almost full marks for her Maths test, my friend found that her daughter could not find Singapore in a world map. In fact, she thought North America and North Korea looks alike and has difficulty telling them apart!

Distressed, my friend rushed her daughter down to their family doctor for a consultation. During the consultation, her doctor asked her a question that puzzled her. He ask if she was a frequent consumer of apples and she replied yes wondering as to how, he knew of her daughter's eating habits.

You see, the truth is in this modern day and age; apple trees are grown in open plantations and receive rain water through the soil directly. You might not be aware that due to all the protests happening around the world, rain water has become very poisonous now. That's why if you notice, if you were dretched in rain, you stay wet for so long, especially in an air-con room! Because that is not pure water! Therefore, apples that receive rain directly and from the soil have high concentration of the poison!

The rain poison have terrifying effects on the brain as it accelerates growth. It leads to kids being more prone to understanding only things that are taught by teachers and tested in examination. Due to the damages to specific brain cells, the kids do not and could not understand basic common sense.

Therefore, I advise the parents out there to watch their kids' diets and to lower their frequency of consuming apples!

If everyone who reads this post shares it to 100 people, you can be sure that we'll save at least one life. Read this & Send to a friend. It could save a life... So, please be a true friend and share this article to all your friends you care about! You need to believe every single health and medical advice you see on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr, anywhere on the Internet! They are there because they are true! So please spread the news!

Are you ready for 2030?

Years ago, we thought this 790JPY (SGD11) bowl of ramen is expensive.



Now we're not that different.



Years ago, we thought it is crazy to pay 41,500,000JPY (SGD556,374) for a studio apartment.



Now we're not that different.



Years ago, we thought this was funny.



Now we're not that different.



Moving forward, are you ready for 2030?

Next Station... NABE.

LTA has invited the public to name the Thomson Line MRT Stations.

These are my suggestion:

1. Woodlands North - Near Cheap Petrol
2. Woodlands South - Still Near Cheap Petrol
3. Springleaf - Springfield
4. Lentor - Ah Long
5. Mayflower - Summer Garden
6. Sin Ming - New Name
7. Upper Thomson - High Class Thomson
8. Mount Pleasant - Nice Hill
9. Napier - Nabe
10. Orchard Boulevard - Still Orchard
11. Great World City - Finally There
12. Havelock- Last Time Got Boats
13. Maxwell - Last Time Got Good Food
14. Shenton Way - Rich Bankers Place
15. Marina South - Rich People Play
16. Gardens By The Bay - Rich People Gardens

Now you can choose the kind of telemarketers to harass you

Remember gahmen promised to look into cutting down the insane numbers of phone calls we get from telemarketers? Well, here it is - their MyCall Registry project (another million dollars project?).

"The MyCall Registry is part of INSIS' efforts to support Singapore's Consumer Privacy Law. Consumers will only get marketing emails and phone calls on promotions they have specified on the MyCall Registry Form." All you need to do is to register with your phone numbers, address and email (and hope that they themselves don't leak these info) and choose one kind of telemarketers who you allow to irritate you. Yup. You have to choose at least ONE or else you'll get a form error.

Hooray! Now you'll only get phone calls from the kind of telemarketers that YOU have selected! Still irritating, but maybe less irritating now because YOU have selected to be irritated by these topic(s).



My advise? Tick "Environment". Come'on, since when do you see Singapore businesses give a damn about our environment? At least you can be sure you won't get any call from Sentosa.

To know more and register, check out http://www.mycall.sg/.

Don't put a race in your rantings

And yes, the netizens (the press's favourite name) in Singapore are always hungry for blood.

P.S.: Just to cover my ABC, for those who try to act smart, the grey used in the comics is meant to show grey guy A in first frame go tell more people, then grey guy B in second frame go shout in the public. That is the only reason I used GREY. DON'T THINK TOO MUCH.

When Prince William and Kate decided to visit Queenstown

(Click to enlarge to read the bubbles!)

This is what happens when Prince William and Kate decided to visit Queenstown. Because most of the older builds were already tore down and most people have moved out, it is necessary to activate all the kids and old people and all who don't have to work. So that we can show the royal couples how Singapore uncles and aunties like to wear sweater and traditional costumes to Taichi, and how children like to play at the playground at 3pm under the hot sun instead of playing PS3 in their aircon rooms. Oh, also it seems like today no tuition! YAY!