Monday, December 21, 2009

No I didn't drop off the face of Blogosphere

Friends, Fans, Followers,
Lend me your browsers!
I come to inform you of my leave, not to tell you I quitted blogging.
The jobs and tasks that men do are countless;
The annual leaves are just but 15 days;
So it is the same for me.
The same old X'mas songs you hear at shopping malls and on the radio
have told you vacation time is around the corner;
If it were so, it is time to take a break;
and gladfully have I answered it!
I have spend the past few weeks planning my next trip
to a land that is both traditional and futuristic;
pure white during the winter, yet colorful at the same time.
The travel plan has since been finalised
and I will be away to experience a different land and culture.
I will be back with photos and stories to amaze you
till then, adieu, adieu!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Simple food that are delicious

Roti buns

Korean Bibimbap from a Singapore foodcourt
新加坡是一个美食大都会。要吃好吃的外国菜,其实不一定要上餐馆。有时候food court里也可以找到正宗的韩国餐的喔!

Did you win some Microsoft or Hyundai/Kai lottery too?

Dear hacker, one question. Why will someone from London send me an email using a Hong Kong email address?

Email title: END OF YEAR WINNER.....
Email from:

Microsoft Promotion Award Team
Dr.Helen Gibson
Stamford New Road,
Altrincham Cheshire
WA14 1EP
United Kingdom.


We are delighted to inform you that your EMAIL Account has won you
£450,000.00.GPB from the Microsoft World End Of Year Promo held in UK,You are
to contact the claims director with the following detail via Email:Name: Sir
Adams Farwell
Email: for claim of your winning prize .

AMOUNT WON..............

So you are hereby strongly advised once more to keep your winnings strictly
confidential until you claim your prize.

Once again on behalf of all our staff,

Dear hacker, ever seen a joint email from Pepsi-Coca-Cola? Or Nikon-Canon? Or Mac-Burger-King? Stop putting Hyundai and Kia together in an email address. Though both sound Korean to you, they are actually competitors.

Email title: Re: 750,934.00GBP has been awarded to You
Email from:,

750,934.00GBP has been awarded to You.Provide
Your Name:Address:Age: sex:
Occupation:Tel:Country:.This is to notify you.

Friday, November 13, 2009

California Fitness member no more

Finally I was going to the gym again.

For the past one year plus, I was tied up with a major project that bundled with countless OT and night conference calls. I was too tired and partly too lazy to drive all the way to the gym downtown after all the late work. And now that the project has ended, I was eager to get back to California Fitness gym and get back in shape.

However things don't always go one's way.

When I arrived at the California Fitness gym counter at Republic Plaza, the counter guy told me that I have not paid my annual fee. I was expecting that, so I asked him for the amount. But his answer was not in numeric. He told me that my membership has been terminated. I was stunted.

He then bluntly told me that my California Fitness membership was terminated because I did not pay my annual fee within three months of expiry. I told him that that was the first time I was hearing it, which he then replied that it was clearly written in my contract. Great. One of those fine prints in the Terms and Conditions that I was supposed to read and memorise.

I showed him my membership card that the "Start Date" written on it was October, so three months from October is December, which meant that I should still be within the three months expiry right? He then replied that no, my contract expiry date was February, not October. Apparently the so-called "Start Date" on the card was the date I joined California Fitness, not the date the contract started. How confusing.

I tried to explain to him that when the sales manager was so enthusiastically selling me the package, he did not tell me about this condition at all. However my explanation fell to deaf ears. I asked him since I was there, why can't I pay the outstanding fee then but all he did was shaking his head.

When I asked him why didn't California Fitness call me to inform me my annual fee was expiring, he replied that they don't do that. I was perplexed. All these time, I've been receiving calls from those personal trainers to invite me to the gym for body test, and yet nobody call me to remind me it's time to pay my annual fee.

"So, what do I do now?", I asked. And his answer? "You have to sign up a new plan with us because you're no longer a member".

Fantastic. After being a loyal customer since 2001, with the promise that my membership was a life-time membership, I was kicked out of California Fitness.

I still could not figure out how a California Fitness life-time member can no longer be a member, but what I do know is that, if I'm going to start a gym membership all over again, it will not be California Fitness.

I need to find a gym that treats their customer with better respect. Oh, and with better Terms and Conditions.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Romeo and Juliet, Act 5

Act 5, Scene 1

I dreamt my lady came and found me dead—
Strange dream, that gives a dead man leave to think—
And breathed such life with kisses in my lips
That I revived and was an emperor.

I dreamed that my lady came look for me and found me dead.
Weird dream leh... makes a dead man think!
She came and kissed me back to life
and when I rose from death I happy like an emperor.

Then Romeo's servant Balthasar brought news from Verona that Juliet was dead.

Well, Juliet, I will lie with thee tonight.
Let’s see for means. O mischief, thou art swift
To enter in the thoughts of desperate men!

Well, Juliet, I will lie together with you tonight.
We'll see how.
Damn, destructive thoughts always come quick to desperate man's mind!

The devastated Romeo hurried to an apothecary and bought a bottle of lethal poison from him.

There is thy gold, worse poison to men’s souls,
Doing more murder in this loathsome world,
Than these poor compounds that thou mayst not sell.

Nah, your gold. Money is a worse poison to men's souls,
committing more murders in this horrible world
than those poor poisons that you are not allowed to sell.

Act 5, Scene 2

Friar Lawrence has requested Friar John to bring his letter to Romeo. Friar John in turn I went to find another friar from their order to accompany him. When Friar John found him visiting the sick in another town, the town health officials suspected that they were both in a house that had been hit with the plague. Because the officials quarantined the house and refused to let the two men out, Friar John could not go to Mantua to hand Romeo the letter.

Now must I to the monument alone.
Within this three hours will fair Juliet wake.
She will beshrew me much that Romeo
Hath had no notice of these accidents.

Walauz, now I must go to the tome alone liao.
In the next three hours, Juliet will wake up.
She will sure be very angry with me that Romeo
didn't know what happened.

Act 5, Scene 3

In the night, Paris was still mourning at Juliet's grave when he saw Romeao arriving with Balthasar. He handed Balthasar a letter and instructed him to bring it to his father, then proceeded to open up Juliet's coffin. Though being asked to leave, Balthasar was worried about Romeo and decided to stay behind instead. However he fell asleep shortly.

Paris thought the banished Romeo has returned to revenge and was going to commit awful crimes against the dead bodies, so he jumped out to confront Romeo. In the fight, Romeo killed Paris.

O my love, my wife!
Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath,
Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.
Thou art not conquered. Beauty’s ensign yet
Is crimson in thy lips and in thy cheeks,
And death’s pale flag is not advancèd there.

Oh, my love, my wife!
Death has sucked the honey from your breath,
but heng it has no power to ruin your beauty.
You still haven't been conquered yet.
Your lips and cheeks still ang gong gong,
Death has not turned them pale yet.

Eyes, look your last.
Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death.

Eyes, see for the last time.
Arms, embrace for the last time.
And lips, the doors of breath,
seal with a righteous kiss,
I've made a deal with death forever.

With his last kiss to Juliet, Romeo drank the poison and died. Friar finally arrived with his crowbar and spade, but found Romeo, Paris and Juliet all in the grave. Then Juliet woke up.

O comfortable Friar! Where is my lord?
I do remember well where I should be,
And there I am. Where is my Romeo?

Friar Lawrence told her the plan has failed and both Romeo and Paris were dead. He urged her to run away with him and she could become a nun, but Juliet refused and asked him to leave.

What’s here? A cup, closed in my true love’s hand?
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end.—
O churl, drunk all, and left no friendly drop
To help me after?

What is this leh? Oh, a cup, closed in my true love's hand?
Orh, so he died from poison.
Walauz, how can like that? Drank all and left nothing
to help me afterward?

Juliet then kissed Romeo, stabbed herself with his dagger and died.

O happy dagger,
This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die.

Oh cool, got dagger!
My body will be your sheath.
Rust inside me and let me die.

The Chief Watchman called for the Capulets, Montagues and the Prince to the graveyard.

O heavens! O wife, look how our daughter bleeds!
This dagger hath mista'en—for, lo, his house
Is empty on the back of Montague,
And it mis-sheathèd in my daughter’s bosom.

OMG! Oh wife, look at how our daughter bleeds!
This dagger is lost liao - its sheath
on that Montague's back is empty,
instead it is kana mis-sheathed in my daughter's chest.

Alas, my liege, my wife is dead tonight.
Grief of my son’s exile hath stopped her breath.
What further woe conspires against mine age?

Oh, my liege, my wife already died tonight.
She too sad over my son's exile and stopped breathing.
What more pain must I endure in my old age?

The Prince then ordered Friar Lawrence to explain what exactly has happened.

Romeo, there dead, was husband to that Juliet,
And she, there dead, that Romeo’s faithful wife.

After knowing the whole story, the Prince opened up the letter which Romeo has written to his father and confirmed Friar Lawrence's testimonial.

Where be these enemies?—Capulet! Montague!
See what a scourge is laid upon your hate,
That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love!

Where are that two enemies? Capulet! Montague!
KNN! See what kind of evil has resulted from your hatred?
Ti gong has figured out how to kill your joys with love!

With Romeo and Juliet dead, Capulet and Montague finally shook hands and made peace.

For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Romeo and Juliet, Act 4

Act 4, Scene 1

When Juliet arrived at Friar Lawrence's place, Paris was there trying to arrange for Thursday's wedding. Paris thought she was there to have confession session with Friar Lawrence.

Do not deny to him that you love me.

I will confess to you that I love him.

The desperate Juliet begged Friar Lawrence for a solution, else she will kill herself. Friar Lawrence then gave her a sleep-inducing drug and told her his plan. He instructed Juliet to take the drug on Wednesday night and the drug will keep her in a deathlike state for forty-two hours. When Paris found her dead on Thursday morning, tradition will demand her to be put in an open coffin, and carried to the Capulet family tomb. He will watch over her till Romeo arrived and as soon as she woke up, they could flee to Mantua.

Act 4, Scene 2

Juliet returned home, apologised to her father for her stubbornness and promised to get married to Paris on the next morning.

Pardon, I beseech you!
Henceforward I am ever ruled by you.

Forgive me, I beg you.
From now on I’ll do whatever you say.

Act 4, Scene 3

Juliet urged the nurse to leave her alone for the night and go help her mother with the wedding preparation instead. Juliet was scared of all the possibilities if the plan were to go awry. But she drank the vial anyway.

Romeo, Romeo, Romeo! Here’s drink. I drink to thee.

Act 4, Scene 4

Soon it was morning and Capulet ran around making sure everything was well prepared. As he heard the music of Paris and his people arriving, he instructed the nurse to wake Juliet up for the wedding.

Act 4, Scene 5

The nurse went up to Juliet's bedroom to wake her up, only to find her dead on her bed.

Out, alas! She’s cold.
Her blood is settled, and her joints are stiff.
Life and these lips have long been separated.

Shit! She's cold.
Her blood has stopped, and her hands and legs are stiff.
She has been dead for some time liao.

All things that we ordained festival
Turn from their office to black funeral.
Our instruments to melancholy bells,
Our wedding cheer to a sad burial feast.
Our solemn hymns to sullen dirges change,
Our bridal flowers serve for a buried corse,
And all things change them to the contrary.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Romeo and Juliet, Act 3

Act 3, Scene 1

Benvolio and Mercutio, together with other Montagues, crossed the path of the Capulets, including Tybalt and Petruchio. In the midst of their argument, Romeo arrived.

Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford
No better term than this: thou art a villain.

Romeo, there love I have for you has only
one word for you: You chao ah beng.

Romeo dismissed him and wanted to leave peacefully.

But love thee better than thou canst devise,
Till thou shalt know the reason of my love.
And so, good Capulet—which name I tender
As dearly as my own—be satisfied.

I love you more than you can understand,
aiyah, you'll know the reason of my love lah.
So, good Capulet - which is a name I love
like my own name - be satisfied, okay?

However Mercutio felt what Romeo remarked was dishonorable and proceeded to challenge Tybalt with a sword fight anyway. Romeo tried to break up the fight but Tybalt reached under his arm and stabs Mercutio.

A plague o' both your houses!
They have made worms' meat of me. I have it,
And soundly too. Your houses!

KNN! May a plague strike both your families!
They've turned me into food for the worms.
Wa si liao.
Curse the two of you families lah!

After Mercutio died, Tybalt returned to the scene.

Now, Tybalt, take the “villain” back again
That late thou gavest me, for Mercutio’s soul
Is but a little way above our heads,
Staying for thine to keep him company.
Either thou or I, or both, must go with him.

Tybalt, you called me "chao ah beng" now.
Mercutio's soul is floating above our heads,
waiting for you to go keep him company.
Either you, or I, or both of us have to go with him.

They fought and Tybalt was killed by Romeo. Benvolio urged Romeo to flee because the Prince will give him the death penalty if he got caught. When the Prince learned of the death of his relative Mercutio, he was very furious and commanded to exile Romeo from Verona. At the same time, Lady Capulet was also angry with Romeo for killing her nephew.

Act 3, Scene 2

Juliet's nurse brought her the bad news that Tybalt was dead and Romeo has been banished.

“Romeo is banishèd.”
There is no end, no limit, measure, bound,
In that word’s death. No words can that woe sound.

“Romeo has been banished.”
That word is like death to infinity.
No words can express that kind of pain.

Act 3, Scene 3

Romeo, come forth. Come forth, thou fearful man.
Affliction is enamoured of thy parts,
And thou art wedded to calamity.

Romeo, come out. Come out, you frightened man.
Trouble machiam like you very much hor,
and you machiam married to disaster also.

Romeo was in total despair and broke down, thinking that he will never see Juliet anymore. However Friar Lawrence had an idea. He advised Romeo to look for Juliet at her bedroom during the night as promised, then on the next morning escape to the city of Mantua. He will live in Mantua till his marriage can be made public and the two families made peace. Friar Lawrence will also try to beg the Prince to pardon him.

Act 3, Scene 4

Paris requested to see Juliet for the night but she has locked herself up in her room. Capulet felt that Juliet must be too sad due to her cousin Tybalt's death. However he promised Paris that Juliet will marry him three days later.

Act 3, Scene 5

Wilt thou be gone? It is not yet near day.
It was the nightingale, and not the lark,
That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear.

You want to go already? Still not morning lah.
What you heard was the sound of a nightingale which sings at night,
not the lark that calls in the morning lah.

Though reluctant, Juliet has to let Romeo go as it was indeed daytime and her nurse has warned that her mother was on the way to her room.

Marry, my child, early next Thursday morn,
The gallant, young, and noble gentleman,
The County Paris, at Saint Peter’s Church,
Shall happily make thee there a joyful bride.

Juliet was shocked by the news of her arranged marriage and told her mother she did not want to be married in such a rush. When Capulet heard that Juliet refused the marriage, he was furious and decided that she will be married in three days' time, whether she liked it or not.

Lay hand on heart, advise.
An you be mine, I’ll give you to my friend.
An you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in the streets,
For, by my soul, I’ll ne'er acknowledge thee,
Nor what is mine shall never do thee good.

Put your hand on your heard and listen.
Act like my daughter, and I'll marry you to my friend.
If you don't act like my daughter, you can go beg, starve, and die in the streets.
I swear I will never acknowledge you
or do anything for you.

The nurse too advised Juliet to marry Paris since Romeo is already banished and she doubted that Juliet can ever see him again. Disheartened, Juliet sent the nurse off and decided to look for Friar Lawrence for advice instead.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Romeo and Juliet, Act 2

Act 2, Scene 1

Romeo jumped over the orchard wall ran away. Benvolio and Mercutio thought he was still depressed over Rosaline and decided to leave him some time alone instead of go looking for him.

Act 2, Scene 2

In actual fact, Romeo went back and stood below Juliet's balcony.

Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,
Having some business, do entreat her eyes
To twinkle in their spheres till they return.

Two of the brightest stars in the sky,
they went for business trip, so they asked her eyes
to stand in for them.

See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.
Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand
That I might touch that cheek!

Look at how she put her hand on her cheek.
OMG... if only I am a glove on that hand
then I can touch that cheek liao!

O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.

Oh Romeo, Romeo! Why must you be Romeo?
Forget about your father and go change your name.
But even if you don't want to change your name,
just swear you love me,
and I'll no longer be a Capulet.

Still not aware that Romeo was below her balcony, Juliet continued.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title.

What is the meaning of a name? That thing we call a rose
will still smell sweet even if it is called another name what.
So even if Romeo is not called Romeo
he'll still be as perfect what.

I take thee at thy word.
Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptized.
Henceforth I never will be Romeo.

I believe what you said.
Just call me your love, and I'll take a new name.
Starting from now, I'm no longer called Romeo.

My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself
Because it is an enemy to thee.
Had I it written, I would tear the word.

Dear saint, I hate my name
because it is your enemy.
If I write it down har, I will sure tear up the paper one.

O, swear not by the moon, th' inconstant moon,
That monthly changes in her circle orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

Aiyo, don't swear by the moon lah. It is always changing one.
Every month it will change its position in the sky.
I don't want your love to be so inconsistent too lor.

How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night,
Like softest music to attending ears!

The sound of lovers calling each other names in the night is so silver-sweet,
machiam softest music that they ever hear.

Juliet's nurse kept calling her and she had to go. Before she went in, she told Romeo to arrange for a marriage proposal if he was really serious that he loved her.

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

Good night, good night! Say goodbye is such a sweet sorrow
that I can say good night until it is tomorrow.

Act 2, Scene 3

In the morning, Romeo went to the priest Friar Lawrence's house. He requested Friar Lawrence to conduct a secret marriage between him and Juliet.

I have been feasting with mine enemy,
Where on a sudden one hath wounded me,
That’s by me wounded.

I went feasting with my enemy,
then suddenly one of them wounded me,
and I also wounded her.

Act 2, Scene 4

Tybalt, old Capulet’s nephew, has sent a letter to Romeo’s father’s house. Meanwhile, Juliet's nurse went to Romeo and he told her to pass Juliet the message that he has arranged for their marriage at Friar Lawrence's place so she should try to think of a plan to get out of the house.

Act 2, Scene 5

After waiting from nine in the morning till noon, Juliet's nurse has finally returned and Juliet urged her to tell her Romeo's reply.

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath
To say to me that thou art out of breath?
The excuse that thou dost make in this delay
Is longer than the tale thou dost excuse.

Hello? How can you be out of breath when you have enough breath
to tell me you are out of breath?
This kind of stupid excuse you make to delay the news
is longer than the news itself lor.

After much complaints about Juliet's impatience, the nurse told Juliet to hurry over to Friar Lawrence's place to get married, while she tie a rope to Juliet's window so that Romeo could look for her at night, just as what Romeo requested.

Act 2, Scene 6

Romeo waited impatiently with Friar Lawrence for Juliet too.

Do thou but close our hands with holy words,
Then love-devouring death do what he dare;
It is enough I may but call her mine.

Just join our hands with holy words,
then later even if we meet with love-destroying death also nevermind;
I can call her mine enough already.

A lover may bestride the gossamers
That idles in the wanton summer air,
And yet not fall.

A lover can be so light until can walk on a spiderweb
floating on a summer breeze,
and still will not fall.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Romeo and Juliet, Act 1

Act 1, Scene 1

One the street, Sampson and Gregory, servants of the house of Capulet, started a fight with Abram, a Montague’s servant. Montague’s nephew Benvolio came upon them fighting and drew his sword to stop the fight. Then Juliet’s cousin Tybalt saw Benvolio drawing his sword and he in turn drew his and joined in the fight. The old Capulet and old Montague and their wives arrived at the scene. Both old men saw each other with red eyes and wanted to start a fight themselves, only to be stopped back their respective wives. Fortunately, Prince Escalus arrived to stop the fight.

Montague and his wife were also worried about Romeo who appeared to be troubled these days. Benvolio decided to sound him out and after talking to him, found out that he was out of love.

By giving liberty unto thine eyes.
Examine other beauties.

Open your eyes lah.
Got so many other pretty girls around.

Act 1, Scene 2

Capulet has organised a feast for the night and invited Paris who was his daughter Juliet's suitor. He has rejected Paris' marriage offer as he thought Juliet who was not even fourteen years old was too young, so he hoped Paris could find someone else to love during the dinner.

Capulet then gave his servant Peter a list of the guests to invite. Unknown to Capulet, Peter was illiterate but the troubled Peter met Romeo and Benvolio on the way. Unaware of their identities, he asked Romeo to help him with the list.

Benvolio pointed out that since Rosaline whom Romeo loved will be at Capulet’s traditional feast, Romeo should attend the feast so that when he saw with his own eyes the other beautiful women in Verona and compare them to Rosaline, he will realise that Rosaline was not worth it.

I’ll go along, no such sight to be shown,
But to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

I'll go lah. But not because you can show me someone better hor,
I go there to see the woman I love.

Act 1, Scene 3

Lady Capulet told Juliet that Paris was asking for her hand, and since Juliet will be fourteen and the right age for marriage in two weeks' time, she should take a hard look at Paris during the dinner and decide if she will like to be married to him.

Act 1, Scene 4

Romeo, Mercutio and Benvolio attended the dinner dressed in masks like the others.

I fear too early, for my mind misgives
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date
With this night’s revels, and expire the term
Of a despisèd life closed in my breast
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.

I think we're too early leh.
I got a feeling this party tonight is the starting of something bad,
something that will end my life.

Act 1, Scene 5

After the dinner, Capulet urged all to start dancing. However the depressed Romeo stood away. Then he saw Juliet.

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

OMG... my heart got ever love anyone before now meh?
Last time must be bachew da stamp,
because I never see anyone so pretty before tonight.

Just then, Capulet's nephew Tybalt heard Romeo and recognised his voice. He was all ready to pull out his sword to kill Romeo but Capulet stopped him because he did not want to spoil the party. Meanwhile, Romeo and Juliet met and started kissing.

Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.

Now my sins have been taken away from my lips by your lips.

Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

Then do my lips now have the sin they took from your lips?

Then Juliet's mother called for her and only then did Romeo realised who she was.

Is she a Capulet?
O dear account! My life is my foe’s debt.

Har, she is a Capulet?
Siao liao! My life is in the hands of my enemy.

Romeo and his gang then decided to leave the party. As they walked to the door, Juliet asked her nurse who he was and was told that he was Romeo and a Montague.

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathèd enemy.

The only man I love is the son of the only man I hate!
I saw him too early liao, before I know who he was,
and I found out his identity too late!
Love damn jia lat leh,
for making me fall in love with my worst enemy.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Julius Caesar quotes @SG - Transportation version

"Beware the first of November"
(ACT ERP, Scene Rates doubled)
"Let us check out men that are alone,
quiet men, and such as mouth kept shut:
Yond people who secretly eat sweets have a guilty look;
Their cheeks move too much: such men are fine-able"
(ACT MRT, SCENE Men in red patrolling)
"It must be fined by the outsourced one, as in the past
I know no personal cause for Fatimahs
to fine those who were five minutes late
But for those who were really late.
Parking checks are now outsourced.
How that might change the nature we can see, there’s the commission."
(ACT Parking fines, SCENE Outsourced attendants with commission)
"What public worry can be resolved
Whose danger is denied by the mighty LTA?
Yet pedestrians shall go forth to Bugis Junction, for the road island
Is to the LTA in general as already expanded."
(ACT Bugis Junction, SCENE Overcrowded road island)
"Public transport fares raised many times before justifiable;
The workers' wages probably never has a raise but once"
(ACT Public Transport, SCENE Fare adjustment)
"Et tu, another one!"
(ACT ERP, SCENE New gantries)
"Friends, Singaporeans, countrymen, lend me your ears.
I come to ask questions, not to complain.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interrèd with their bones.
So let it be with our public transport companies.
The noble bus and train companies
Hath told you expenses are high.
If it were so, it was a grievous fact,
And grievously hath the patrons foot the bill."
(ACT Public Transport, SCENE Fare adjustment)
"The buses are packed, so are the trains.
But public transport companies say it is acceptable,
And public transport companies are honorable people.
When that the buses have finally arrived,
they were fifteen minutes late.
First class public transport should have more punctual timings.
Yet one MP said it is acceptable,
And this MP is an honorable man.
You all did see how packed the buses and trains are
You thrice tried to get up the bus or train,
Which you did thrice failed because they are packed.
Is this first class?
Yet gahmen says our public transport is first class,
And, sure, gahmen are honorable men."
(ACT Public Transport, SCENE First class service)
"It is not meet you know how our public transport sucks.
You are not wood, you are not stones, but men.
And, being men, taking the terrible buses and trains to work everyday,
It will inflame you, it will make you mad."
(ACT Public Transport, SCENE First class service)
"There is a tide in the price of COE,
Which, taken at the peak, leads on to gahmen's fortune;
If too low, all the people in the county
will bound to drive and abandon the public transport.
On such a decrease in public transport users we are now seeing,
We must take the action of decreasing COE quotas
Or lose even more public transport users."
(ACT Public Transport, SCENE Cut in COE quota)
"A new bus lane was drawn, and the roadworks
So all over the place to block the traffic
that a depressed driver might stand up
And say to all the world, “This was a road.”"
(ACT Driving, SCENE More jammed roads)

Singapore through my N97 - What is Mr Cat thinking?

cat staying downstairs

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Macbeth, Act 5

Act 5, Scene 1

In the castle, Lady Macbeth's waiting lady was telling the doctor about how Lady Macbeth has been sleepwalking when Lady Macbeth appeared holding a candle, and apparently sleepwalking.

You see her eyes are open.

Ay, but their sense is shut.

What is it she does now? Look, how she rubs her hands.

It is an accustomed action with her to seem thus washing her hands. I have
known her continue in this a quarter of an hour.

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!—One, two. Why, then, ’tis time to do ’t. Hell is
murky!—Fie, my lord, fie! A soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows
it, when none can call our power to account?—Yet who would have thought the
old man to have had so much blood in him.

Oui! come out leh dirty spot! Out, I command you! One, two.
Ok, it's time to do it then. Hell is murky!
Rubbish lah, my lord, rubbish!
You are a soldier leh, how can be afraid?
Why so scared, when nobody can lay the guilt upon us?
But then hor, this old man really got a lot of blood hor.

Here’s the smell of the blood still. All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten
this little hand. Oh, Oh, Oh!

Still got blood smell leh. All the perfumes from Arabia also not enough
to make this little hand smell good! Walau, walau, walau!

However the doctor could not do anything to cure Lady Macbeth of sleep walking, so he told her waiting lady to bring her to the priest instead.

Act 5, Scene 2

Macbeth was fortifying his castle at Dunsinane with heavy defenses in preparation of Malcolm and Macduff's army.

Act 5, Scene 3

As Macbeth prepared himself for war, he heard that his thanes have fled away from him to join the England force.

Bring it after me.
I will not be afraid of death and bane,
Till Birnam Forest come to Dunsinane.

Bring the armor and follow me.
I will not be afraid of death and defeat,
until Birnam Forest can walk to Dunsinane.

Act 5, Scene 4

Malcolm and his army have reached the Birnam Forest.

Let every soldier hew him down a bough
And bear ’t before him. Thereby shall we shadow
The numbers of our host and make discovery
Err in report of us.

Tell every soldier to break off a branch
and hold in front of him. Then we can hide
there are actually how many of us here and then
Macbeth's spies will report inaccurate number of us.

Act 5, Scene 5

Hang out our banners on the outward walls.
The cry is still “They come!” Our castle’s strength
Will laugh a siege to scorn. Here let them lie
Till famine and the ague eat them up.
Were they not forced with those that should be ours,
We might have met them dareful, beard to beard,
And beat them backward home.

Go hang our flags on the outer walls.
Everyone go shout "Here they come!". Our castle is strong enough
to laugh off their seige lah. They can tan ku ku
until they die of hunger and disease.
KNN, if not because our people go and join them,
we could have fight them face to face
and beat them until they go balek kampong.

Macbeth was then told that Lady Macbeth has died.

She should have died hereafter.
There would have been a time for such a word.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time

Aiyah, anyway she will die sooner or later.
This news is bound to come someday.
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.
The days creep slowly along until the end of time.

Another messenger brought an even graver news. He saw the Birnam Forest moving.

Arm, arm, and out!
If this which he avouches does appear,
There is nor flying hence nor tarrying here.
I 'gin to be aweary of the sun,
And wish th' estate o' th' world were now undone.

Oui! Prepare for war!
If what he said is true,
then no use running away or staying here liao.
I also sianz of living liao,
now I want to see the whole world plunged into chaos.

Act 5, Scene 6

Malcolm's army arrived at the castle gate and threw away the tree branches.

Make all our trumpets speak; give them all breath,
Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death.

Blow all our trumpets.
They will loudly announce the news of blood and death.

Act 5, Scene 7

Macbeth's army has fallen but he kept on fighting.

What’s he
That was not born of woman? Such a one
Am I to fear, or none.

Who? Who is not born from a woman one?
I only afraid of him nia, the rest I don't care.

Then the castle has been surrendered without a fight, and Malcolm entered the castle. Meanwhile on the battlefield, Macduff finally found Macbeth.

Of all men else I have avoided thee.
But get thee back. My soul is too much charged
With blood of thine already.

Walau, of all the people I've already tried to avoid you liao.
Go away lah.
I'm already guilty of killing your whole family liao.

Despair thy charm,
And let the angel whom thou still hast served
Tell thee, Macduff was from his mother’s womb
Untimely ripped.

Forget about your charm lah,
Those evil spirit you serve can tell you lah,
I was not born naturally one, my mother's womb was cut to deliver me earlier.

Though shocked by his words, Macbeth refused to surrender and continued the fight. In the end, he was killed by Macduff. Macduff then brought Macbeth's head to see the victorious Malcolm and pronounced him king of Scotland.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Macbeth, Act 4

Act 4, Scene 1

And indeed, Macbeth went looking for the three witches again. The first apparition that looked like a head wearing a helmet appeared.

Macbeth! Macbeth! Macbeth! Beware Macduff.
Beware the thane of Fife. Dismiss me. Enough.

Then the second apparition that looked like a bloody child appeared.

Be bloody, bold, and resolute. Laugh to scorn
The power of man, for none of woman born
Shall harm Macbeth.

Then the third apparition that looked like a crowned child holding a tree in his hand appeared.

Be lion-mettled, proud, and take no care
Who chafes, who frets, or where conspirers are.
Macbeth shall never vanquished be until
Great Birnam Wood to high Dunsinane Hill
Shall come against him.

By then, Macbeth was very relieved because he will not be harmed unless the trees in the forest of Birnam can get up and march towards him. However he was still worried about the prophecy that Banquo's descendants will rule and demanded the witches to answer. In response, he was showed eight kings marching, with the eighth one holding a mirror such that he saw more kings in the mirror, and the last in the line was the ghost of Banquo.

Now I see ’tis true;
For the blood-boltered Banquo smiles upon me
And points at them for his.

Now I believe it's true,
That bloody Banquo already smiled at me
and pointed to show they are his liao.

Knowing that Macduff has fled to England, the furious Macbeth commanded his men to raid Macduff's castle, seize the town of Fife, and kill his wife and children.

Act 4, Scene 2

Meanwhile, an unknown messenger went up to Lady Macduff to warn her to take her son and flee. But he was too late as the murderers have arrived at the castle and killed them.

Act 4, Scene 3

Macduff was trying to convince Duncan's son Malcolm to fight Macbeth and get back the throne, but Malcolm was hesitant because he was not sure whether to trust Macduff. So he went about telling Macduff he was a bad choice to be a king because he was lustful and greedy and was worse than Macbeth in any way. Disheartened, Macduff decided to leave. Only then that Malcolm told Macduff he was testing him.

Whither indeed, before thy here-approach,
Old Siward, with ten thousand warlike men,
Already at a point, was setting forth.
Now we’ll together, and the chance of goodness
Be like our warranted quarrel!

Actually har, before you come here,
old Siward and his ten thousand soldiers are already on the way liao.
Now we will fight Macbeth together
and may the chance of success be as great as the justice of our cause!

Ross arrived at England with the news that the people in Scotland were arming themselves to rebel against Macbeth's tyrannic rule. He also came with the bad news to Macduff that his wife, children and servants were all killed.

Oh, I could play the woman with mine eyes
And braggart with my tongue! But, gentle heavens,
Cut short all intermission. Front to front
Bring thou this fiend of Scotland and myself.
Within my sword’s length set him; if he ’scape,
Heaven forgive him too.

Walau, I can cry like a woman
and kao peh about how I will avenge them!
But Ti Gong, don't let me wait anymore.
Bring me face to face with this devil of Scotland.
Put him within the reach of my sword,
and if like that he still can escape,
even Ti Gong can forgive him!

Shakespeare in Singlish - Macbeth, Act 3

Act 3, Scene 1

Banquo reflected upon the three witches' prediction and suspected that Macbeth has cheated to become king. But he decided not to think about it, and will attend Macbeth's ceremonial feast. Before that, he went for some riding.

Meanwhile, Macbeth still could not get over the three witches' prediction that though he will become king, Banquo's sons will be the heirs to the throne.

If ’t be so,
For Banquo’s issue have I filed my mind;
For them the gracious Duncan have I murdered;
Put rancors in the vessel of my peace
Only for them; and mine eternal jewel
Given to the common enemy of man,
To make them kings, the seed of Banquo kings!

If like that har,
that means I've tortured myself mentally
and murdered the gracious Duncan for Banquo's sons.
Now I got no peace but they'll benefit.
I sold my soul to the devil so that they'll become kings.
KNN, Banquo's sons to become kings!

So Macbeth secretly recruited two murderers and managed to convince them that Banquo was the one responsible for them to be put away, and requested them to kill Banquo and his son Fleance.

Act 3, Scene 2

How now, my lord! Why do you keep alone,
Of sorriest fancies your companions making,
Using those thoughts which should indeed have died
With them they think on? Things without all remedy
Should be without regard. What’s done is done.

Why leh, my lord? Why you keep to yourself,
and keep thinking of sad thoughts?
Those thoughts should have died when you killed the men you're thinking about.
If you cannot fix it, then don't think about it liao.
What's done is done.

Better be with the dead,
Whom we, to gain our peace, have sent to peace,
Than on the torture of the mind to lie
In restless ecstasy.

I rather die together with those we killed,
better than now got these endless mental torture, and some more cannot sleep.
I thought we killed those men and sent them to rest in peace so that we could gain our own peace.

Act 3, Scene 3

The murderers managed to kill Banquo on the way to Macbeth's dinner feast, but his son Fleance escaped.

Act 3, Scene 4

At the dinner feast, one of the murderers reported secretly to Macbeth that though Banquo was killed, Fleance has escaped.

There the grown serpent lies. The worm that’s fled
Hath nature that in time will venom breed;
No teeth for th' present.

Now the adult snake lies dead in the ditch.
The young snake that escaped will become poisonous one day
but heng he got no fangs now.

However when Macbeth returned to the dinner table, he saw the ghost of Banquo sitting in his seat.

Thou canst not say I did it. Never shake
Thy gory locks at me.

Oui! You cannot any how say I did it hor.
Don't shake your bloody head at me leh.

The dinner guests were all stunted but Lady Macbeth gave the excuse that Macbeth was having his regular fit and will be okay after a while, so they should continue eating.

Why do you make such faces? When all’s done,
You look but on a stool.

Why your face like that? When the vision passed,
you'll realise that there is only a stool there.

But the ghost of Banquo kept appearing and disappearing and Macbeth was very disturbed by it.

You make me strange
Even to the disposition that I owe,
When now I think you can behold such sights,
And keep the natural ruby of your cheeks,
When mine is blanched with fear.

You all make it look as if I don't know myself,
How come you all see these terrible things already
can still be so zai,
when I'm so scared until my face white already.

In the end, Lady Macbeth has no choice but to end the feast and request the guests to leave. After they have left, Macbeth told Lady Macbeth that he will visit the three witches again to know more about his future.

For mine own good,
All causes shall give way. I am in blood
Stepped in so far that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o'er.

Now the number one thing is my own safety liao.
I've walked so far into this river of blood
that even if I want to stop now,
go back also damn siong.

Act 3, Scene 5

Hecate, the mistress of the three witches, was scolding them for telling Macbeth prophecies about his future behind her back. But she has got her own plans.

Shall raise such artificial sprites
As by the strength of their illusion
Shall draw him on to his confusion.
He shall spurn fate, scorn death, and bear
His hopes 'bove wisdom, grace, and fear.
And you all know, security
Is mortals' chiefest enemy.

Magical spirits will be produced
to trick Macbeth with illusions.
He'll think that he can control fate, mock death,
and thought he is above wisdom, grace and fear.
You all know right,
overconfidence is a man's greatest enemy.

Act 3, Scene 6

Lennox was getting suspicious about how Duncan and Banquo have died and their sons fled the scene. One lord told him secretly that one of Duncan's son Malcolm has gone to England to join King Edward. Macduff has also gone there to ask King Edward to help him form an alliance with the people of Northumberland and their lord, Siward, to fight Macbeth.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Macbeth, Act 2

Act 2, Scene 1

After a night of celebration, Duncan went to bed while Banquo and another servant stood by his door. When Macbeth visited with another servant, Banquo told Macbeth the king was indeed very happy and passed to Macbeth a diamond from the king to his wife. But Macbeth has already decided that he shall kill Duncan.

Is this a dagger which I see before me,
The handle toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee.
I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.

Er... in front got one dagger is it?
Ask me to hold is it? Come come, let me hold you.
I know I don't have a dagger even though I can see it.

Act 2, Scene 2

That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold.
What hath quenched them hath given me fire.

The liquor that got them drunk made me more daring.
The drink that quenched their thirst is now giving me the fire to just do it.

Then Macbeth emerged with a pair of bloody hands.

Still it cried, “Sleep no more!” to all the house.
“Glamis hath murdered sleep, and therefore Cawdor
Shall sleep no more. Macbeth shall sleep no more.”

I hear this voice shouting "no more sleep liao!" to everyone in the house.
"Macbeth murdered sleep, so Macbeth will not sleep anymore liao."

Then Lady Macbeth realised that Macbeth was still holding on to the bloody dagger. She hurriedly told him to put them back into Duncan's room and smear the sleeping guards with the blood, but Macbeth was too scared to do it, so she had to do it personally.

To know my deed, ’twere best not know myself.

Instead of thinking about my crime,
I think it's better to be completely knocked off.

Act 2, Scene 3

In the morning, Macduff and Lennox came to Macbeth's castle to fetch the king. Macduff went into Duncan's room to find him dead.

O horror, horror, horror!
Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee!

Wah siao liao! Siao liao!
I don't know how to say, I cannot believe it man!

Macbeth then went into Duncan's room together with Lennox and Ross, where they found the guards with blood on their hands and faces, and bloody daggers beneath their pillows. Pretended to be in a fit of anger, Macbeth killed the guards before they could argue their innocence. While the rest of the people proceeded to dress properly for an emergency meeting, Malcolm and Donalbain, the sons of Duncan decided to flee to England and Ireland respectively.

Where we are,
There’s daggers in men’s smiles. The near in blood,
The nearer bloody.

Wherever we go, sure got people xiao li cang dao one.
And skali our closest relatives are the ones who will murder us.

Act 2, Scene 4

Meanwhile, Ross could not believe why Duncan's servants will kill him but Macduff has his own reasoning.

They were suborned.
Malcolm and Donalbain, the king’s two sons,
Are stol'n away and fled, which puts upon them
Suspicion of the deed.

They kana bought over lah.
Malcom and Donalbain, the king's two sons,
zhao lor liao. So they're now the primary suspects.

And so with the king's only sons fled, Macbeth was crowned the king.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Macbeth, Act 1

Rebel Macdonwald supported by army from Ireland and the Hebrides, has just been killed by brave Macbeth on the battlefield. However as soon as the Scottish have defeated the Irish, the Norwegian king took his chance to attack them. The Norwegian king was further assisted by the traitor thane of Cawdor. However instead of retreating, Macbeth and Banquo fought doubly hard and won the battle. Finally the defeated Norwegian king asked for a treaty for peace. Delighted, the Scottish king Duncan announced that he will reward Macbeth as the new thane of Cawdor.

Returning from their victory, Macbeth and Banquo crossed the path of the three witches.

What are these
So withered and so wild in their attire,
That look not like th' inhabitants o' th' Earth,
And yet are on ’t?

Eeeww... What are these things?
They got so many wrinkles and the way they dress so bizarre.
They don't look like they belong here,
but why are they here leh?

All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, thane of Glamis!

All hail, Macbeth! Hail to thee, thane of Cawdor!

All hail, Macbeth, that shalt be king hereafter!

Banquo was amazed how Macbeth has been stunted by the predictions of those three witches. He then asked them, if they can really predict the future, how about him.

Lesser than Macbeth and greater.

Not so happy, yet much happier.

Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none.

Macbeth was indeed confused by the three witches. He was already the thane of Glamis, inherited from his father, but news has not reached him that the thane of Cawdor has been executed so he could not believe the witches on how he can possibly be both the thane of Cawdor or even the king. However before he could ask more, the witches disappeared. At that moment, the king's messengers have reached and informed Macbeth that the thane of Cawdor has been sentenced to death for treason and the title has been given to him.

This supernatural soliciting
Cannot be ill, cannot be good. If ill,
Why hath it given me earnest of success,
Commencing in a truth? I am thane of Cawdor.
If good, why do I yield to that suggestion
Whose horrid image doth unfix my hair
And make my seated heart knock at my ribs,
Against the use of nature?

This supernataural temptation maybe not a bad thing
but also don't look like good leh. Cannot say bad leh,
because I really got that promotion that they promised wor.
I really become thane of Cawdor leh.
Cannot also say it's a good thing leh,
because if good then why am I thinking of doing something bad,
so bad and horrifying that my hair also stand,
my heart also pound super hard in my chest.

If chance will have me king, why, chance may
crown me
Without my stir.

If I fated to be king har,
then maybe I don't need to do anything also can be king.

Back at the palace, the delighted king welcomed the two generals back. At the same time, he announced that Malcolm his eldest son will be the prince of Cumberland and heir to his throne. He then told Macbeth he would like to visit him at his castle for a celebration.

Meanwhile, Lady Macbeth has read the secret letter that Macbeth sent her, about his meeting with the witches and his promotion to the thane of Cawdor.

Yet do I fear thy nature;
It is too full o' th' milk of human kindness
To catch the nearest way: thou wouldst be great,
Art not without ambition, but without
The illness should attend it.

But I worry you don't have the guts lor,
you drink too much milk of human kindness
to strike at first sight liao.
You want to be powerful,
and you also got ambition, but
you not mean enough leh.

Then a messenger that Macbeth sent arrived at the castle to inform Lady Macbeth that the king and Macbeth were on the way there for a night of celebration. And so, Lady Macbeth planned on murdering the king there and that night.

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty.

Lai ah lai ah, spirits
that help people on murderous thoughts, make me a man,
and fill me up from head to toe with deadly cruelty ah!

However, Macbeth was hesitant in taking the king's life. Duncan was not only a humble king who was free of corruption but has also rewarded him well. He told Lady Macbeth about the change of plan, but was chided by her instead. In fact, she has already planned to drink Duncan's servants drunk so that they could sneak in and kill Duncan, then put the blame on the servants.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

A good bowl of instant noodles

Instant noodles from Hong Kong

Instant noodles from Hong Kong

Bowl noodles cover filled with steam

Instant noodles from Hong Kong
好啦~ 面煮好啦~ 吃一口面,觉得面条果然有够弹性,还真的蛮有香港手打面的感觉!不过毕竟是快熟面,当然不可能有像高汤的那种汤头,也不会突然出现几粒云吞,玉蜀黍就有几粒啦!但就算如此,单吃面条就已经很有满足感了哦!这碗快熟面值得!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Hamlet, Act 5

Act 5, Scene 1

Hamlet and Horatio were hanging around at the graveyard when Claudius, Gertrude, Laertes and a priest entered with a coffin. Hamlet has no idea whose coffin it was so they hid themselves to watch.

Her obsequies have been as far enlarged
As we have warranty. Her death was doubtful,
And, but that great command o'ersways the order,
She should in ground unsanctified have lodged
Till the last trumpet. For charitable prayers
Shards, flints and pebbles should be thrown on her.
Yet here she is allowed her virgin crants,
Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home
Of bell and burial.

I've already tried my best and performed as many rites as I'm permitted liao.
Her death very suspicious wor, if not because of the king's orders to bury her here,
she'll be buried outside the church graveyard lor.
By right people can throw rocks and stones on her one,
but now she got people to read prayers for her wor.
Some more can dress up like a pure virgin,
got flowers tossed on her grave, got bells ringing for her.

Hamlet was horrified to find that the person in the coffin was Ophelia. He then jumped into Ophelia's grave where Laertes hugged her. Laertes was furious upon seeing Hamlet and the two of them started fighting in the grave.

I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers
Could not with all their quantity of love
Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?

I loved Ophelia. You can add the lover from forty thousand brothers together
and still not enough to compare with my love for her.
What can you do for her?

Act 5, Scene 2

Hamlet told Horatio that while on board the ship, he has sneaked in and stole Claudiu's letter to England's king and found out about the instruction to the king of England to kill him. So in return, Hamlet wrote another new official document with his new instructions instead. He wrote that once the king of England read the document, he should immediately put to death the ones delivering the letter, which were Guildenstern and Rosencrantz. He should not allow them anytime to argue or chance to confess to a priest.

Does it not, think thee, stand me now upon—
He that hath killed my king and whored my mother,
Popped in between th' election and my hopes,
Thrown out his angle for my proper life
(And with such cozenage!)—is ’t not perfect conscience
To quit him with this arm? And is ’t not to be damned
To let this canker of our nature come
In further evil?

Don't you think it is now my duty to kill him?
This man who killed my king and F my mother,
and took the throne that I hoped for,
some more set a trap to kill me.
Now I got the perfect reason to kill him with this sword right?
I'll be damned if I still let this monster live to do more harm right?

Claudius' man Osric came over to tell Hamlet that the king has placed a bet that within a dozen rounds of fencing between him and Laertes, that Laertes cannot win Hamlet more than three hits. Upon hearing that, Hamlet agreed to have the fencing challenge with Laertes.

Horatio warned Hamlet of the fencing challenge and Hamlet himself has some bad feeling about it as well, however he decided to proceed with the match.

If it be now, ’tis not to come. If it be
not to come, it will be now. If it be not now, yet it will come—
the readiness is all. Since no man of aught he leaves knows,
what is ’t to leave betimes? Let be.

If something is supposed to happen now, it will lah.
If it is supposed to happen later, then it won't happen now lah.
As long as you're prepared can liao.
Since nobody knows anything about what he leaves behind after he leaves,
then leave early also never mind lah. Heck care lah.

Before the match started, Claudius made Hamlet and Laertes shook hands.

Was ’t Hamlet wronged Laertes? Never Hamlet.
If Hamlet from himself be ta'en away,
And when he’s not himself does wrong Laertes,
Then Hamlet does it not. Hamlet denies it.
Who does it, then? His madness. If’t be so,
Hamlet is of the faction that is wronged.
His madness is poor Hamlet’s enemy.

Was Hamlet the one who insulted Laertes? No lah, not Hamlet.
If Hamlet went ki siao,
and insulted Laertes when he was not himself,
Then it was not Hamlet lah. Hamlet didn't do anything lah.
But if like that who did it? His short dio brain.
If like that har, then Hamlet is the victim of his short dio brain liao.
His short dio brain is poor Hamlet's enemy.

Claudius instructed his men to put the goblets of wine on the table, and that if Hamlet managed to strike the first or second hit, or get back at Laertes at the third hit, all soldiers will give him a military salute. He will also drop a pearl into Hamlet's drink and give him a toast. Claudius claimed that this was a priceless pearl which was more costly than those in the crowns of the last four Danish kings.

Trumpets played, canons fired, and the two men were off to fight each other in the friendly fencing match. When Hamlet struck Laertes his first hit, Claudius dropped the promised pearl into Hamlet drink and offered him. However Hamlet rejected and said that he will drink after another round.

After more fencing, Hamlet hit Laertes again. Gertrude gave Hamlet her handkerchief to wipe his perspire, and feeling proud of her son, she took up his drink with the pearl, toasted him and drank. Claudius tried to stop her from drinking the poisonous wine but Gertrude would not listen.

In the next round of fencing, Laertes finally managed to wound Hamlet. Then they exchanged swords and Hamlet wounded Laertes again. At that moment, Gertrude dropped to the ground.

No, no, the drink, the drink!—O my dear Hamlet!
The drink, the drink! I am poisoned.

No, no, the drink, the drink! OMG, Hamlet!
The drink, the drink! I tio poisoned.

It is here, Hamlet. Hamlet, thou art slain.
No medicine in the world can do thee good.
In thee there is not half an hour of life.
The treacherous instrument is in thy hand,
Unbated and envenomed. The foul practice
Hath turned itself on me. Lo, here I lie,
Never to rise again. Thy mother’s poisoned.
I can no more. The king, the king’s to blame.

Si wa, Hamlet. Hamlet, you die liao.
No medicine in the world can cure you.
You only have less than half an hour left.
The killer's weapon is in your hand,
sharp and dipped in poison.
I kana backfired by the foul plan also.
Ah, I going to lie here and never get up liao.
Your mother tio poisoned liao.
I can't say anymore liao.
The king, the king is the one lah.

In anger, Hamlet then wounded Claudius with his poisoned sword, then forced him to drink from the poisonous wine. Claudius fell and died.

He is justly served.
It is a poison tempered by himself.
Exchange forgiveness with me, noble Hamlet.
Mine and my father’s death come not upon thee,
Nor thine on me.

He deserves it lah.
Who ask him to mix that poison himself.
Hamlet, forgive me because I also forgive you liao.
My death and my father's death not your fault,
and you die also not my fault.

Heaven make thee free of it. I follow thee.—
I am dead, Horatio.

Ti Gong will not blame you one. I also follow you.
Wa si liao, Horatio.

Horatio wanted to drink the poisonous wine to die with Hamlet too, but was stopped by Hamlet.

O God, Horatio, what a wounded name,
Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me!
If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart
Absent thee from felicity a while,
And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain
To tell my story.

TIan ah, Horatio, my reputation sure kana sai after I die,
because nobody knows the truth!
If you really my brudder
then don't die so fast,
stay in this crappy world long enough
to tell my story.

As Hamlet died, Fortinbras returned from his Poland victory and the ambassador from England has arrived too. The ambassador has wanted to report to Claudius that his instruction to kill Rosencrantz and Guildenstern has been fulfilled.

O proud death,
What feast is toward in thine eternal cell,
That thou so many princes at a shot
So bloodily hast struck?

Oui proud Mr Death,
what banquet are you preparing har,
that you need to shoot so many princes at one time?

With all in the Danish royal family died, Fortinbras took over the crown and the country.

Let four captains
Bear Hamlet like a soldier to the stage,
For he was likely, had he been put on,
To have proved most royally. And, for his passage,
The soldiers' music and the rites of war
Speak loudly for him.

Go call four captains to carry Hamlet like a soldier onto the stage,
He would have been a good king if he had the chance to prove himself.
Must have military music and military rites to praise his heroic qualities loud loud.

Shakespeare in Singlish - Hamlet, Act 4

Act 4, Scene 1

After Claudius heard from Gertrude how Hamlet has killed Polonius, he instructed Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to look for Hamlet and bring Polonius' body to the chapel.

Act 4, Scene 2

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern asked Hamlet where was Polonius' body but instead of telling them the location of disposal, Hamlet called Rosencrantz a sponge.

Ay, sir, that soaks up the king’s countenance, his rewards,
his authorities. But such officers do the king best service in
the end. He keeps them, like an ape, in the corner of his jaw,
first mouthed to be last swallowed. When he needs what
you have gleaned, it is but squeezing you and, sponge, you
shall be dry again.

Yes, sir, that kind that absorbs the king's approval, his rewards,
his decisions. But this kind of officers are best in carrying the king's balls.
He will keep them in his mouth like a monkey,
gaggles around then swallows them.
When he needs to find things out from you, he will squeeze you like a sponge,
and then you become dry again.

Act 4, Scene 3

Claudius could not punish Hamlet for his crime because he knew that the people loved Hamlet. So he guessed sending him away will be the best decision. Then Rosencrantz went to Claudius with Hamlet and reported that Hamlet refused to pass Polonius' body to them.

A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a king, and
eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.

A man can go fishing with the worm that ate a dead king, and
then he can eat the fish that ate the worm.

What dost you mean by this?

What talking you?

Nothing but to show you how a king may go a progress
through the guts of a beggar.

Boh lah, just want to demo that a king can also
go through the intestines of a beggar to become shit.

Finally, after some scorning, Hamlet told Claudius that Polonius' body was in the main hall. Claudius immediately instructed Hamlet to travel to England on that very night. And in the letter to the king of England, Claudius has secretly asked the king to kill Hamlet.

Act 4, Scene 4

At the wharf, Fortinbras has arrived at Denmark and was asking for the king's permission to move his troops across Denmark. From the captain of the ship, Hamlet found out that Norway was invading Poland for a piece of worthless land.

How stand I then,
That have a father killed, a mother stained,
Excitements of my reason and my blood,
And let all sleep—while, to my shame, I see
The imminent death of twenty thousand men,
That for a fantasy and trick of fame
Go to their graves like beds, fight for a plot
Whereon the numbers cannot try the cause,
Which is not tomb enough and continent
To hide the slain? Oh, from this time forth,
My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!

Then me leh?
My lao peh kana killed, lao bu kana F,
with these kind of mental and emotional provocations I still can sleep.
Now I really got no face to see twenty thousand men
to die for some illusion and little bit of fame,
fighting for a piece of land so super small that
don't even got enough space to bury all of them.
Walau, from now on, if my thoughts are not violent
then no point man!

Act 4, Scene 5

After her father's death, Ophelia has gone crazy and went around singing gibberish to people.

Oh, this is the poison of deep grief. It springs
All from her father’s death, and now behold!
O Gertrude, Gertrude,
When sorrows come, they come not single spies
But in battalions.

Siao liao, she is kana poisoned by her deep grief liao.
All because of her father's death, and now you see!
Oh Gertrude, Gertrude,
When bad things happen, they don't come alone like enemy spies,
but many bad things will happen altogether like an army.

Laertes has also returned from France and vowed to revenge his father's death. He has led a rebellion against Claudius and his government.

To hell, allegiance! Vows, to the blackest devil!
Conscience and grace, to the profoundest pit!
I dare damnation. To this point I stand
That both the worlds I give to negligence.
Let come what comes, only I’ll be revenged
Most thoroughly for my father.

All my vows of allegiance to you can now go to hell! All vows can go to hell!
Simi conscience and grace also can go to hell!
God want to condemned me then condemned lah.
I don't care what is going to happen to me now or after I die liao!
I only concerned with revenging my father's death nia!

However Claudius managed to calm Laertes down and explained that he was not the murderer of his father.

Act 4, Scene 6

Meanwhile, Horatio received a letter from Hamlet stating that their ship was pursued and attacked by a pirate ship and Hamlet was caught by pirates, while Rosencrantz and Guildenstern continued to England. He requested Horatio's help to send Claudius some letters and the men with the letters will bring Horatio to him.

Act 4, Scene 7

Claudius explained to Laertes that he could not punish Hamlet for his crime due to two reasons. Firstly, he did not want to upset the queen who loved Hamlet so much. Secondly, because the people in the country loved Hamlet as well, they will overlook his crime and yet penalise the one who punished him.

However the messenger has delivered Hamlet's letter to Claudius that he will be returning to Denmark alone. Though puzzled why Hamlet did not go to England as planned, Claudius worked with Laertes on a plan to kill him.

Hamlet returned shall know you are come home.
We’ll put on those shall praise your excellence
And set a double varnish on the fame
The Frenchman gave you, bring you in fine together
And wager on your heads. He, being remiss,
Most generous and free from all contriving,
Will not peruse the foils; so that, with ease,
Or with a little shuffling, you may choose
A sword unbated, and in a pass of practice
Requite him for your father.

When Hamlet is back, he will know you're back also.
Then I'll find people to praise your fencing skill,
say you two times better than what the Frenchmen said,
then they'll bet that you sure win Hamlet one.
This Hamlet very careless and proud and super blur one
so he sure won't go check the swords,
then you remember har, go choose the one with a sharpened point
and with one strike you can kill him and avenge your father's death.

But Laertes has a better plan. He had bought a very fatal poison and intended to put it on the sword. The poison was so strong that just a fine scratch will kill Hamlet. To play safe and just in case Laertes could not hurt Hamlet with his sword, Claudius suggested that he could also prepare a poisonous drink that could be offered to Hamlet when he rested during the fencing. It was then that news reached the men that Ophelia has drowned and killed herself.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Shakespeare in Singlish - Hamlet, Act 3

Act 3, Scene 1

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern reported to Claudius that they could not discover from Hamlet the reason for his confused mind. However, they felt that Hamlet was very interested in the performance arranged for the night, which Polonius suggested that the king and queen should watch too.

After both Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have left, Claudius and Polonius hid themselves because they have secretly arranged for Hamlet run into Ophelia. They will then observe Hamlet’s behavior, to determine whether he was indeed suffering from love. And so Ophelia sat down and started reading, while waiting for Hamlet.

To be, or not to be? That is the question—
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And, by opposing, end them?

Like this or like that better leh?
Is it nobler to just diam diam endure those nasty bad luck,
or once and for all fight against those troubles
and put an end to them?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.

Because we scared to die, we become cowards,
actually we are naturally bold and determined one
but now we are weak because we think too much.
By right we should action already but kana distracted,
so now become no action talk only.

Hamlet stopped mumbling to himself when he saw Ophelia. When Ophelia told him that she wanted to return him his letters, he admitted that he did loved her, but not anymore.

What should such fellows as I do crawling between earth
and heaven? We are arrant knaves, all. Believe none of us.
Go thy ways to a nunnery.

Why should someone like me be crawling between earth and heaven?
All of us are criminals, so you better don't believe anyone.
Go to the convent and become a nun lah!

Oh, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!—
The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s, eye, tongue, sword,
Th' expectancy and rose of the fair state,
The glass of fashion and the mould of form,
Th' observed of all observers, quite, quite down!

OMG! His noble mind is now lost!
Last time he so gentlemen, so strong like soldier, so smart like scholar,
He supposed to take over the throne one,
machiam the country's idol that everyone followed,
But now he has fallen so low liao!

By now, Claudius was sure that Hamlet was not in love but must be troubled by some other things. So he decided to send him to England to collect some debts, and hoped that the new environment can get him out of those sad and dangerous thoughts. However Polonius suggested that the queen should spend some quiet time with him alone while he hid himself again listening to their conversation. If he could confide in the queen his troubles, then perhaps he did not have to be sent to England.

Act 3, Scene 2

Hamlet instructed the performance players on the speech that he prepared. Polonius has also reported to him that both the king and queen will be attending the performance. After the Polonius and the players left, Hamlet talked to Horatio about his plan.

There is a play tonight before the king.
One scene of it comes near the circumstance
Which I have told thee of my father’s death.
I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot,
Even with the very comment of thy soul
Observe mine uncle. If his occulted guilt
Do not itself unkennel in one speech,
It is a damnèd ghost that we have seen,
And my imaginations are as foul
As Vulcan’s stithy.

There is this play performed for the king tonight.
And one of the scenes is very close to how my father has died,
like what I told you lah.
So later when the scene begins, you watch my uncle carefully
If he doesn't look guilty at all,
then that Ghost was not my father but the devil,
that means my sixth sense not zhun liao.

The king and queen arrived with the rest of the people and the performance was about to start. Gertrude asked Hamlet to sit with her but he refused and sat next to Ophelia instead.

And so the show started. A king and queen entered and embraced lovingly. Then the king lied down on a bank of flowers. When the queen saw that he was asleep, she left. Another man then came in, took the crown from the king, poured poison into the king’s ear. At that point, Claudius stood up furiously and demanded the performance to be stopped and lights turned on. The whole company left, with just Hamlet and Horatio stayed.

O good Horatio, I’ll take the ghost’s word for a thousand
pound. Didst perceive?

Haha, Horatio, I can bet with you one thousand bucks that ghost was right man!
You saw?

Guildenstern then came over to tell Hamlet that the king was back in his chambers and he was extremely upset. Rosencrantz too said that the queen was shocked and wished to talk to him in her bedroom.

Act 3, Scene 3

Claudius found Hamlet's madness getting dangerous and thus planned to have Rosencrantz and Guildenstern accompany Hamlet to England on diplomatic business. Meanwhile, Polonius informed Claudius that Hamlet will be visiting his mother and he will eavesdrop on them and report to him.

What if this cursèd hand
Were thicker than itself with brother’s blood?
Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens
To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy
But to confront the visage of offence?
And what’s in prayer but this twofold force,
To be forestallèd ere we come to fall
Or pardoned being down?

So what if my cursed hand is covered with my brother's blood?
Heaven got not enough rain to wash it as clean as snow meh?
I thought God should be merciful one?
I thought praying can do these two things,
to keep us from sinning
and to forgive us after we sin?

O bosom black as death!
O limèd soul that, struggling to be free,
Art more engaged! Help, angels. Make assay.
Bow, stubborn knees, and, heart with strings of steel,
Be soft as sinews of the newborn babe.
All may be well.

My heart machiam black as death!
My soul is kana stuck to sin, and the more it struggles to break free,
the more stuck it is. Help me leh, angels! Do something leh!
Bend leh, stubborn knees, and my steel heart,
can try to be as soft as a newborn baby or not?
Like that then I can pray mah!
Then maybe everything can be okay liao.

Just when Claudius started to pray, Hamlet entered the room. Hamlet thought it was a great opportunity to kill Claudius but hesitated.

He took my father grossly, full of bread,
With all his crimes broad blown, as flush as May.
And how his audit stands who knows save heaven?

He killed my father when he was enjoying life,
and sinning all over the place.
My father got no chance to repent for his sins at all,
only Ti Gong knows how much he has to pay for his sins.

And am I then revenged To take him in the purging of his soul
When he is fit and seasoned for his passage?
No. Up, sword, and know thou a more horrid hent.
When he is drunk asleep, or in his rage,
Or in th' incestuous pleasure of his bed,
At game a-swearing, or about some act
That has no relish of salvation in ’t—
Then trip him, that his heels may kick at heaven,
And that his soul may be as damned and black
As hell, whereto it goes.

Am I really taking revenge by killing him
when he is in the middle of praying and confessing his sins?
Then he can go heaven liao?
No way! Sword, let's wait for a better time.
When he is drunken and sleeping, or DL,
or having some incestuous sex,
or cursing and swearing when he gambles,
or whatever bad thing that he is doing.
Then I'll send him straight to hell.
Heaven? He tan ku ku!

Act 3, Scene 4

Just before Hamlet walked into Gertrude's room, Polonius reminded her to chide Hamlet for his pranks that upset the king and put her in the middle of the heat.

Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended.

Hamlet, you have insulted your father, you know?

Mother, you have my father much offended.

Ma, you have insulted my father, you know?

Gertrude could feel that Hamlet was very unhappy with her, especially when he said he was going to get a mirror to let her see what she really was. Suddenly she feared that Hamlet will kill her and shouted for help. Polonius who was hiding behind the tapestry then panicked and shouted for help too. Unfortunately Hamlet heard him and stabbed his sword through the tapestry.

O me, what hast thou done?

Aiyah! What have you done?

Nay, I know not. Is it the king?

Don't know leh. Is it the king?

Hamlet then pulled back the tapestry and discovered Polonius.

Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool, farewell.
I took thee for thy better. Take thy fortune.
Thou find’st to be too busy is some danger.

You low-life, busy body fool, now bye bye liao.
Chey, I thought you were someone else more important.
You deserve it lor.
Now you know busy body is very dangerous one lor!

Gertrude was shocked by all these and asked Hamlet why did he change so much. Hamlet then asked her instead, how could she forget about his father who was so perfect and marry the brother who was so evil.

O Hamlet, speak no more!
Thou turn’st mine eyes into my very soul,
And there I see such black and grainèd spots
As will not leave their tinct.

Oh Hamlet, don't say liao!
You're forcing me to look into my soul,
where my sins are so black and thick that
they can never be washed away.

Hamlet continued to scold his mother until his father's ghost appeared again.

Do not forget. This visitation
Is but to whet thy almost blunted purpose.
But look, amazement on thy mother sits.
O, step between her and her fighting soul.
Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.
Speak to her, Hamlet.

Don't forget hor. I've come to remind you and psycho you for the revenge.
But you see, your mother is now in shock liao.
Oui, go calm her down and don't scare her with horrid visions lah.
Weak people like to any how imagine one.
Hamlet, go talk to her lah.

Alas, how is ’t with you,
That you do bend your eye on vacancy
And with th' incorporal air do hold discourse?

Oui, what are you doing?
Why you stare into empty air
and talk to nobody?

Why, look you there! Look how it steals away—
My father, in his habit as he lived—
Look where he goes, even now, out at the portal!

See, see there!
Got see? My father dressed in his usual clothing like when he was alive
See, he now going out of the door liao!

However Gertrude could not see the Ghost at all, and was convinced that her son was hallucinating. Hamlet again advised Gertrude not to sleep with his uncle any more, before reminding her that he will be going to England.

There’s letters sealed, and my two schoolfellows,
Whom I will trust as I will adders fanged,
They bear the mandate.

The documents are ready liao, and my two schoolmates are in charge,
if I trust them that means I can also trust poisonous snakes liao.