What Ah Fook had to go through to get his refund from the bus company

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Like the rest of some 1/3 unfortunate Singaporeans, Ah Fook has been paying extra for his bus fare ever since the implementation of distance-based fare. And like the rest, he went to the ticketing office near him to get his refund. After queuing up for some time...

AH FOOK: I would like to refund all the extra 50 cents that I've been paying for my bus fares. Newspapers said LTA already checked and confirmed the bus company is overcharging us for the past one month or so, so I want my money back.

TICKETING OFFICER: No problem. You just need to answer these few simple questions. What is your name?

AH FOOK: Ah Fook.

TICKETING OFFICER: IC number?

AH FOOK: S8765432Z

TICKETING OFFICER: Contact number?

AH FOOK: 98765432

TICKETING OFFICER: Ez-link card number?

AH FOOK: Ez-link card got number one meh? But I got a few cards and I just use them randomly wor...

TICKETING OFFICER: Never mind one, it's just for record. Just give me the number from any one card. It's the 12 digits number on the card.

AH FOOK: Oh, it's 0900 0800 0700 0600. So the refund will be credited into this card?

TICKETING OFFICER: No lah, we're not that advanced. Your refund will be in cash.

AH FOOK: Then why do you need the number?

TICKETING OFFICER: Told you already, for record only! Date and time of the trip?

AH FOOK: Last Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning.

TICKETING OFFICER: I need the exact dates and times!

AH FOOK: July 26 8:59am, July 27 9:01am, July 28 8:58am, July 29 9:02am and July 30 8:57am.

TICKETING OFFICER: Wow! You remember the exact time?

AH FOOK: For record only right?

TICKETING OFFICER: Oh... and what bus number?

AH FOOK: 161

TICKETING OFFICER: Boarding and alighting points?

AH FOOK: Innova JC at Woodlands to Hougang Ave 4.

TICKETING OFFICER: What color were you wearing on those trips?

AH FOOK: July 26 blue, July 27 dark green, July 28 white, July 29 blue and July 30 light gray.

TICKETING OFFICER: What did you have for lunch?

AH FOOK: July 26 nasi lemak, July 27 chicken rice, July 28 mixed rice, July 29 mixed rice and July 30... I think mee hoon kway...

TICKETING OFFICER: You're not sure? The information needs to be correct, you know?

AH FOOK: Hmm... I think it was mee hoon kway... yah, mee hoon kway.

TICKETING OFFICER: Okay, now you need to sign here, and then put up your right hand and swear that the information you have provided is the truth and nothing but the truth, and that you will not try to cheat the bus company. And after one week to one month, depending on how busy we are, you will get back your... $2.50.


What's happening: 13 errors in fare system spotted

Ah Fook went on a gahmen money spending spree

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook was helping a ministry to organise a very important event and so he attended a management meeting in the Minister's office...

MINISTER: Ah Fook, this is a very important event and so I want you to do your best planning. Remember that money is not a problem as long as we can justify.

AH FOOK: Cool! Oh by the way, on the way in, I saw some cardboard boxes and shopping bags in the corridor. Seems to contain valuables and nearly $13,000 cash... is it okay to leave them lying around like that?

MINISTER: Oh, don't worry about it! Someone will look into it someday!

AH FOOK: Oh, okay... Hmm... before we start, I was going through the payment we have made to some of the staff working on the project and I found over 50 cases of overpayment of salaries, bonuses, over-time claims, medical and dental subsidies, as well as double payment of medical expenses.

MINISTER: Oh, don't worry about it! Gahmen got money lah!

AH FOOK: Then when I was entering the event budget into the accounting system, I accidentally found that over 640 end-user accounts were wrongly given access rights to it, and some of the accounts allowed users to modify programs or records in the system! And then I also suspect that someone is doing some unauthorised testing because I saw two invoices generated with incorrect amounts!

MINISTER: Oh, don't worry about it! I'm sure someone from IT will look into it. More importantly, have you covered up those excess meal orders?

AH FOOK: Yap, done that. Those 63 instances of excess meal orders are already settled through the falsification of meal consumption records. Don't worry, nobody will compare the number of attendees for the events with the number of meals ordered one.

MINISTER: Well done! Do we have enough sponsorship for the event now?

AH FOOK: Yap, in fact after accounting for all the expenses, we are still left with $440,450. Should we start to refund back to the sponsors?

MINISTER: No hurry lah, we can have a timeline of 41 days to 1,694 days.

AH FOOK: Wah! Can take so long to refund meh?

MINISTER: Don't worry, these people won't care about these money one lah! Oh, and you reminded me... here's another cheque of $34,907 to put into the event. Use it for anything, like ask some contractors to paint the roads leading towards the venue with "Give Way". This will remind other drivers to give way so that the attendees won't be late and we can start on time.

AH FOOK: Okay sure. But I thought these money is for those welfare homes?

MINISTER: Is it? Oh, don't worry about it. They can get other money by other means.


What's happening: Auditor-General takes some ministries to task

Summer camp in a San Francisco culinary school - Holy trinity

Chinese cuisine: scallions, ginger and garlic.

French cuisine: a mirepoix of celery, onion and carrots.

Greek cuisine: lemon juice, olive oil and oregano.

Indian cuisine: Garlic, ginger and onion.

Italian cuisine: soffritto, or a base of sauteed carrots, onion and celery, essentially the same ingredients as that of mirepoix.

Japanese cuisine: Dashi, mirin and shoyu.

Korean cuisine: Doenjang (fermented soybean paste), gochujang (hot pepper paste), and ganjang (soy sauce).

Mexican cuisine: The combination of three types of dried chili peppers — ancho, pasilla, and guajillo.

Spanish cuisine: Sofrito, a sauteed base of garlic, onion and tomato cooked in olive oil.

Thai cuisine: galangal (Thai ginger), kaffir lime (leaves and rind) and lemon grass

Pastor complains to Ah Fook about the new restrictions on using commercial premises

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

When Ah Fook met up with the Pastor, he was in a foul and shocked mood.

PASTOR: Ah Fook, this is not fair man! This is not fair!

AH FOOK: Father, what is not fair?

PASTOR: The new guidelines on use of commercial properties for religious activities! It's obviously prejudiced against us!

AH FOOK: What happened? What is the new guidelines saying? You can't host services in commercial spaces anymore?

PASTOR: No, they don't dare! But it isn't any better. The new guidelines say that we cannot use more than 20 per cent of a commercial space total gross floor area for religious use, and we also can't use the space for more than two days a week, including Saturday and Sunday! This is so restrictive! And you know what? We still have to take care not to cause disturbances like noise, traffic or parking problems!

AH FOOK: Wow! Which means your guys can't illegal park at the road side to block everybody's way anymore?

PASTOR: And Ah Fook! These guidelines have to come out after we've forked out millions to buy over a giant shopping complex!

AH FOOK: Oh yah! That must really affect your plans!

PASTOR: Definitely! I've wanted to transform all shops in the complex to sell Christian books and accessories! The cinemas to only screen Christian productions! In 3D! For the huge convention halls, I've wanted to replace all those over-abundant computer shows with talks conducted by our religious leaders, replace the book fairs with Christian book fairs! In fact, I was so happy that Carrefour is getting out of the complex because I thought I could use that space for more religious activities to save more souls! Oh, and I was so planning to take away that sinful fountain!

AH FOOK: That iconic fountain? Why is it sinful? Looks nice what...

PASTOR: Ah Fook, the people believes that the fountain's Feng Shui will give them wealth. This is against our teachings. Feng Shui is superstitious and sinful.

AH FOOK: Oh... then I can't go there to touch the water before I go buy Toto anymore...

PASTOR: Ah Fook, personally I'm a little bit confounded as to the real reason behind this because I found that we have always been living within guidelines. Besides the usual insults and jokes we talked about other religions during services and on Youtube, we actually respect the other religions. But I guess we're sabotaged this time. Some people must have complained about us and thus the new guidelines.

AH FOOK: Hmm... I think this is unavoidable lah... You guys so high profile, like getting more and more rich and powerful like that, other people sure will be unhappy one.

PASTOR: But Ah Fook, this is not going to stop us and our faith! We've always found our own solution; in other words we go and make commercial arrangements and this means we actually pay much more than what we would if we expect someone or the government to make provision for us. Don't worry, all we've got is money!


What's happening: New guidelines on use of commercial properties for religious activities

How to make a 3-in-1 TVC out of A Girl's Hope

A Girl's Hope - Family TVC by MCYS



So now we know. Besides all the shelves of 3-in-1 coffee/tea/Milo you find in the supermarkets, we have also got 3-in-1 TVC now.

This is when you try to tell people family is important, so please send your own daughter to school and sack your maid; YOG is coming soon, so please go support and buy tickets; and this year NDP theme is "Live Our Dreams", all in the same TVC, all in 1:52 minutes.

Never mind in the end the message of "Family" is more lost than Lost.

Never mind the mention of "YOG" is more abrupt than Jack Neo apologising about his private affair in someone else's concert.

Never mind the story twist from "Hope" to "Live Our Dreams" is more twisted than the storyline in Desperate Housewives.

Actually since they were at it, maybe they should also have added the following scenes...

• Mother and daughter take a longer walk to the bus-stop, to pass by some workers working on the drainage.
  
  Daughter: Mummy, what is that smell and noise?
  Mother: They're working on the drains, darling.
  Daughter: Why do they work on the drains?
  Mother: So that Singapore will not be flooded again when it rains.


• Mother and daughter board the bus and mother taps her ezlink card on the reader.
  
  Daughter: Mummy, why do we change so many different buses?
  Mother: Because we're now using distance-based fare, darling.
  Daughter: Why do we do that? Is it cheaper?
  Mother: It is not cheaper, but betterer for the transport companies.

Luckily we can still be touched by the little girl.

Ah Fook wonders why do police handcuff people taking picture of flood

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook heard that his police friend has finally got the chance to use his handcuffs on someone outside his bedroom! He handcuffed a 57-year-old veteran photojournalist taking picture of the flood! How brave!

AH FOOK: Hey! I read that you handcuffed an old reporter! Tell me what happened!

POLICEMAN: Oh! That idiot! I tell you har, he damn pissed me off lor, if not I won't have used my handcuffs!

AH FOOK: What did he do? Did he really cause obstruction to the police and caused danger to himself and others, like what the police statement released?

POLICEMAN: Har? They released that? Wow... I thought that kind of statement only appears in CSI.

AH FOOK: Er... so he didn't really caused obstruction lor?

POLICEMAN: I won't really say he caused obstruction lah, I mean, the road is so wide, there wasn't really any traffic and there was just the few of us walking around... but I just don't like to see him standing there.

AH FOOK: Because he was standing on somewhere dangerous? I read he was standing over some drain or manhole, so you were actually trying to save him from causing danger himself?

POLICEMAN: Save him? Oh yes! Yes I was trying to save him! You see har, this idiot was standing in a flooded area and on the manhole! Scali he fall down how? Then we have to call the ambulance you know? It's not like we're very free lor! We really don't need that kind of extra work!

AH FOOK: But how is this man standing over a manhole causing danger to others as well?

POLICEMAN: Of course he was causing danger to others! You see, like say he falls down, then there will be some kaypoh people around who try to help him. Then scali instead of helping him, they also fall down then how? See! He was causing danger to others!

AH FOOK: That's true... but still, handcuffing him seems kinda serious leh...

POLICEMAN: Ah Fook, I tell you lah, that morning I was already damn sianz. Saturday morning leh! I was supposed to be having breakfast and sipping my kopi in the station as usual and because of that stupid rain I had to be on the road! In the rain! Already damn DL liao! So this man is really at the wrong place at the wrong time lor!


What's happening: Photographer handcuffed
摄影主任被上手铐事件：摄记3点澄清　反驳警方答复

Summer camp in a San Francisco culinary school - Flour

Plain flour
Flour that does not have a leavening agent (typically baking powder) is called all-purpose or plain flour. Cookies are usually prepared using this type of flour.

Self-rising flour
Leavening agents are used with some flours to produce lighter and softer baked products by embedding small gas bubbles. Self-raising (or self-rising) flour is sold premixed with chemical leavening agents. and typically composed of the following ratio:
- 1 cup (100 g) flour
- 1 teaspoon (3 g) baking powder
- a pinch to ½ teaspoon (1 g or less) salt

Wheat flour
Wheat varieties are called "clean," "white," or "brown" or "strong" if they have high gluten content, and they are called "soft" or "weak" flour if gluten content is low.

Buckwheat flour is used as an ingredient in many pancakes in the United States. In Japan, it is used to make a popular noodle called soba.

Glutinous rice flour or sticky rice flour, used in east and southeast Asian cuisines for making tangyuan, etc.

Difference Between Baking Soda & Baking Powder
Both baking soda and baking powder are leavening agents, which means they are added to baked goods before cooking to produce carbon dioxide and cause them to 'rise'. Baking powder contains baking soda, but the two substances are used under different conditions.

When a recipe contains baking powder and baking soda, the baking powder does most of the leavening. The baking soda is added to neutralize the acids in the recipe plus to add tenderness and some leavening.