Monday, March 21, 2011

The Diary of a Useless Manager - Planning a Department Outing

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

Boss has just told me that we have still got some bucks left in the recreation fund for the year and suggested that we should plan for a department outing to award the staff and nurture bonding at the same time. Enthusiastically, he called for a meeting involving me and a couple of my assistant managers.

A couple of ideas were brought onto the table...

Assistant Manager A: How about a weekend trip to the Universal Studios?
Welfare Manager: But I don't think our left over fund is enough to pay for all.
Assistant Manager A: Hmm... how about we subsidise with whatever amount we can and ask the staff to pay for the other part of the fee then?
Boss: That's a good idea!

No! That was definitely not a good idea! I know my gals! Going to the Universal Studios will mean that they have the freedom to do whatever they want during the whole outing! Which means that they'll be having fun with the rides and snacking together, and leaving me alone with the other grandpas and grandmas on the benches! I don't want to go to Universal Studios alone!

And so I objected,"No, I think going to the Universal Studios is not a good idea. Everyone will be all over the place, there won't be proper bonding! We should sit down and just have a meal instead! Then people can chit chat and bond at the table!"

Boss: Oh, that's a good idea!

We continued to brainstorm on dining ideas, though I swear I could feel the heat coming from some of my assistant managers after I rejected the Universal Studios suggestion.

Assistant Manager B: I know of this buffet lunch at this hotel which is quite value for money. They have quite a well spread as well.
Welfare Manager: As long as it's within our budget, there shouldn't be any problem.
Boss: Hmm... buffet lunch, that's a good idea!

It looked like almost everybody knows a good buffet at some posh hotel, but I wanted to participate in the discussion as well. And I happen to know of a venue that is cheap and good!

And so I happily suggested,"I know of this seafood place at Geylang that is cheap and good!", and then everybody stopped and stared at me.

Assistant Manager B: Did you just say Geylang?

Ha! I just know that I'm the only one who knows of this treasure! This seafood place serves great seafood and is so much cheaper than those usual seafood restaurants like Long Beach and No Signboard! And because it is in a kopitiam, you don't even have to pay service charge!

Assistant Manager B: So it's a seafood store in a kopitiam in Geylang?
Welfare Manager: Erm... we do actually have more budget than that, you know?
Assistant Manager C: Eeeeee... department lunch in Geylang?
Assistant Manager B: It's even worst if it's a dinner...
Assistant Manager A: Wait... is that kopitiam seafood store halal? We've got Muslims you know?

Oops... I forgot about the Muslims! But almost immediately, I've got a great idea again! We can have two lunches! Geylang seafood for the non-halal and some Malay restaurant somewhere for halal!

Assistant Manager A: So the non-Muslims will bond with the non-Muslims and Muslims will bond with Muslims huh?

Walauz! She must have said that to malu me just because I rejected her Universal Studios idea lor!

Boss: No, this is definitely not a good idea! I don't want people to find our whole department in Geylang!

Damn it.

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