Lakeside Mazu curses Ah Fook and all for eating the giant garoupa

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook can't help but find that this World Cup is way too weird... Italy out? France out? And even England can't make it to the quarter-finals? Ah Fook knows something must be wrong, maybe some African voodoo is in play! So in order to protect his investment in the Singapore Pools, Ah Fook decided to pray to the Lakeside Mazu.

AH FOOK: Oh the Mighty Lakeside Mazu, please listen to my prayers and grant my wishes!

LAKESIDE MAZU: What? Another pastor?

AH FOOK: No, no! I'm not a pastor and I don't have a celebrity wife living in Hollywood! I'm here to pray for my team to win in the World Cup!

LAKESIDE MAZU: Are you from South Korea? Japan?

AH FOOK: No, no, I'm from Singapore...

LAKESIDE MAZU: What? It can't be! A few years ago, one of your ministers did look for me, and asked for something like Goal 2010, but I didn't grant him his wish because he wanted me to grant him his wish cheaper, better and faster! How greedy! So no! There is no way for the Singapore team to enter the World Cup!

AH FOOK: No, no, we didn't enter the World Cup, that's why we support different country teams all over the world during the World Cup! We love supporting other country teams so much that we'll even pay ninety bucks to watch them play!

LAKESIDE MAZU: Whatever! Even if it's not for winning the World Cup, do not expect me to grant any Singaporean any wish!

AH FOOK: Oh Mighty Lakeside Mazu, why do you hate us so much?

LAKESIDE MAZU: Because you people catch my general and eat him up!

AH FOOK: Er... your general? I know we're guilty for trying to bear paws from food show and we're even the suspect that force the Sri Lanka crabs into extinction, but we're not cannibals leh...

LAKESIDE MAZU: Oh yeah? You think I don't know is it? Don't forget that I'm the Mighty Lakeside Mazu! Your people caught my 150 kilogrammes and 2 metres long General Garoupa and is now selling him at $20 per dish! How dare you!

AH FOOK: Oh! So that's your general! Er... but we the citizens of Singapore plague ourselves to eat all seafood that is unique and overpriced leh!

LAKESIDE MAZU: Well, then you Singaporeans shall be cursed! I curse that Singapore can never be flood free! I curse that you shall have more heavy downpour and thunderstorms! MUAHAHAHAHA!


What's happening: Restaurant dishes out giant garoupa

Ah Fook knows why everyone is pissed with the Editor and her Hurricane boyfriend

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Some aunty called Sumoko is damn pissed with the "netizens" (yap, the mainstream media people call all the people who tweet, blog, search and surf the internet "netizens". Even if an old aunty only knows how to read emails also called "netizen").

AUNTY SUMOKO: Ah Fook, this is damn unfair! Why are all these netizens calling me awful names? I don't even know them, and I definitely didn't do anything to offend them!

AH FOOK: You did.

AUNTY SUMOKO: What? What did I do?

AH FOOK: Because the newspapers calls you the Carrie Bradshaw of Singapore, because the article of your marriage is occupying a super big page, and because you are on breaking news, all these reasons when nobody knows who you are!

AUNTY SUMOKO: Hey! I'm Singapore's most famous single woman and I'm a Newspapers Editor okay! If Sun Ho can be considered a Hollywood celebrity, why can't people see me as a Singapore Celebrity?

AH FOOK: Er... because not that many people has read the things that you write?

AUNTY SUMOKO: But not everybody has bought Sun Ho's album!

AH FOOK: Okay, one more reason. Because your to-be-hubby is called Hurricane.

AUNTY SUMOKO: What's wrong with his name Hurricane?!

AH FOOK: You see, these days, the words "heavy rain", "thunderstorm" and "freak flood" are very sensitive. People are sick of swimming to shops at Orchard River, or stuck in the expressways because of floods. Then suay suay when we have a flood again today, the newspapers decided to announce that you're getting married to your boyfriend "Hurricane"! Wah, I tell you har, after the rain and the drains, the Ministry of Freak Floods is going to blame your boyfriend for the flood this time!

AUNTY SUMOKO: All these stupid reasons for calling me names?!

AH FOOK: All that and also Orchard Road didn't flood again and the Singapore Twitterverse is kinda bored on a Friday afternoon.


Check out how #sumikotan is not Carrie Bradshaw!

Ah Fook visits his lazy journalist friend

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

It was raining cats and dogs again in Singapore. But Ah Fook was surprised to find his journalist friend sleeping at home instead of getting out there to get the news of the latest flood.

LAZY REPORTER: Wah, Ah Fook, why are you dressed like the Human Charsiew Bun Killer?

AH FOOK: Your head lah! You can't expect me to dress up when there is a thunderstorm outside right?

LAZY REPORTER: Oh yah, it's sure going to flood again.

AH FOOK: Well, it's already flooding! And why are you still in bed? Don't need to report the latest flood area meh? Don't need to go take picture meh?

LAZY REPORTER: Aiyah, relac man! I'm already doing my job as we speak!

AH FOOK: Er... by lazing on your bed?

LAZY REPORTER: No, I've already posted on the Twitter to tell the public to upload all their flood photos onto our server. Got video better still! See!



So later after lunch, I just have to go pull out all the pictures and look around what have been tweeted, and I can come up with the best report liao! Smart right?

AH FOOK: Er... like that also can meh? Don't have copyright meh?

LAZY REPORTER: Aiyah! Internet where got copyright one? All the stuff there are free for take what!

AH FOOK: Erm... but like that not quite right leh...

LAZY REPORTER: It's okay one lah! Even the big brother newspaper also doing that what! Don't believe me, you go check out this link on the last Orchard flood lor! Their photos are all from Stomp and the internet! We must learn how to work smart, not work hard, okay!

See Flash floods wreak havoc reported by the Straitstimes.com

Ah Fook joins his friend as Litter-Free Ambassador

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook and his friend Leia are among the first batch of Litter-Free Ambassadors authorised to fight litter louts around Singapore.

AH FOOK: Damn, I forgot to bring my lightsaber.

LEIA: Ah Fook, we're not going to hit anybody. Not even a slap on the wrist.

AH FOOK: Then why are you holding a shield?

LEIA: I'll need it when I catch someone littering.

AH FOOK: To smack them on the head the moment you find them throwing rubbish on the floor?

LEIA: Ah Fook! Aiyo! No! We're not even authorised to issue fines! Our job is only to spread the anti-littering message. To advise people not to litter.

AH FOOK: Har? We're only authorised to advise? What make them listen to us? I mean, we're not Environment Officer leh, we might even kena handam for being such a KPO!

LEIA: That's why I need this shield mah, just in case... Oh, but I think I can handle this one just fine.

Leia walked over to a young MDIS student who just left his plastic cup on the bench and started to walk off. She pointed at the plastic cup and repeated the sentence "Please don't any how throw rubbish" continuously until he pulled his hair in despair. He then hurriedly picked up the plastic cup to throw into a nearby rubbish bin.

AH FOOK: Wah, do you have to nag at him like a mother?

LEIA: If not then how? How else do you think these people will listen to us?

AH FOOK: Hey Leia, that big-size Ah Beng with big tattoos has just thrown his cigarette butt onto the ground. I guess this is when you need the shield.

LEIA: No, Ah Fook. I think we need your lightsaber.


What's happening: Litter-free ambassadors hit the hotspots

North Korea will win World Cup! Confirmed, guaranteed, chopped, huat ah!

If North Korea can win Brazil 1-0 in this manner, friends and countrymen, lend me your ears... North Korea will win FIFA World Cup 2010! Huat ah!

And if North Korea can win World Cup, North Korea will also win all Olympics games in 2012! Watch out, Britain!


Meanwhile, the whole wide world (excluding North Korea) were cheated into believing that Brazil had won by 2-1.

Ah Fook considers renting a dragonboat to go Orchard Road

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

After a morning of heavy downpour, the prestigious Orchard Road is finally flooded. No, not with shoppers going to the Great Singapore Sale, but really flooded with real rain water.

Now is the time when it doesn't matter whether you drive a Picanto or a BMW, because they will be just as stuck in the water.

Now is also the time when all the Hermes bags and Starbucks coffee and pirated Xboxes and PS3s got mixed together, washed into the big Orchard River together and forever.

But today is Dumpling Festival leh... Ah Fook promised his mom he'll get her the $38 abalone dumpling from the famous hotel! And wait! This coming weekend is Father's Day and Ah Fook hasn't get anything for his dad yet! With Orchard Road turned into Orchard River, how is he going to achieve these two super important tasks?!

Luckily Ah Fook is not stupid. The smart Ah Fook decided to rent a boat to row down Orchard River and do his Great Singapore Sale shopping. And since it is the Dumpling Festival, of course Ah Fook will get a dragonboat!

Ah Fook took part in "Name Singapore pandas" contest

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

A nationwide naming contest has started to name the pair of pandas that China has promised to loan Singapore in 2011. The pair of male and female pandas will be staying in the hot and humid Singapore for 10 years. Though other countries might find it impossible for the pandas to survive in the hot and humid Singapore, like any other Singaporeans, Ah Fook is well aware that Singapore is actually the most suitable country for the pandas to consider migration! The pandas can be rest assured that they will have a controlled cold and dry environment waiting for them! And if the air-con is too cold for them, they can wear winter clothing like the other Singapore office workers!

Back to the naming contest, Ah Fook and friends were trying to think of a suitable name for the pandas...

KIMONO GAL: Let's name them D'noir and D'blanc! It means black and white in French! Cute right!

AH FOOK: Har? Why French? These pandas are from China leh!

KIMONO GAL: Why not? French names are classy mah! We name our condos Montebleu and L'viv also what! It's not as if these condos are built by the French! We didn't name our condos Uccaghara and Maharigaghara because the banglas built them right?

AH FOOK: Then lagi cannot! If we're already naming so many things in French, then there must be alot of people sending in French names as well! Then our names are not unique anymore!

FOOTBALL CRAZE GUY: No, no, no... let's name them after the table tennis players who won the world championship for Singapore! One will be Tianwei, the other Yuegu!

AH FOOK: That sounds right! I mean... these pandas are from China, and those players are from China too!

KIMONO GAL: I don't think it's a good idea.

FOOTBALL CRAZE GUY: Why not? Chinese names for Chinese pandas what!

KIMONO GAL: Hello? Our Singapore Chinese players beat the China Chinese players! To name the pandas that they loan us with the names of players that beat them... very politically incorrect right?

FOOTBALL CRAZE GUY: Oh yah...

KIMONO GAL: Some more, how can you give the male panda a female name? You should know how much our gahmen hate gays right? We're one of the few remaining countries that still have Section 377A of the Penal Code!

FOOTBALL CRAZE GUY: Oh yah hor!

AH FOOK: Actually... I think I might just have the best names for these pandas... Why don't we name them Gong-Panda and Mu-Panda?

KIMONO GAL: Er... as in "Male Panda" and "Female Panda"?

AH FOOK: Yah! Good right? They are symbolic in meaning and easy to pronounce! And by using the Chinese "Gong" and "Mu" instead of "Male" and "Female", it reflects the close relationship between Singapore and China!

KIMONO GAL: But isn't that a bit too... like... straight forward?

AH FOOK: Got meh? We also named the shopping center at 313 Orchard Road 313@Somerset and the low cost terminal as Budget Terminal what!

FOOTBALL CRAZE GUY: Yah, yah! And we renamed Marina Bay as Marina Bay! Remember?


What's happening: Nationwide contest to name two giant pandas arriving in S'pore 2011

Ah Fook was confused by the confused sales people at PC Show

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Together with the rest of the geek population, Ah Fook went to the overcrowded PC Show during the weekends. He knew that there is a computer show every three months, but just like the other computer-addicts, he'll still go for every single one. And though there is a computer show every three months, Ah Fook could still find something to spend on.

After Ah Fook bought a HD media player without WiFi, he searched around for a wireless adapter to make it... well, wireless. But then Ah Fook found out that not all sales people at the show knows what they're selling...

AH FOOK: Hi, do you have wireless adapter that I can use to turn my HD media player wireless?
SALESPERSON A: What is a media player?

AH FOOK: Hi, do you have wireless adapter?
SALESPERSON B: Yes, we have a wireless-G adapter for (blah, blah, blah), and a wireless-N adapter for (blah, blah, blah)... (and continues till he finished reading from the flyer)
AH FOOK: So can I use for my media player?
SALESPERSON B: Er... I don't know.

AH FOOK: Hi, do you have wireless adapter for HD media players?
SALESPERSON C: Er... wait har! (went to look for help)

After a few searches, finally a more professional-looking salesperson managed to answer the tough question with a typical answer.

SALESPERSON D: Oh... you have to check with the media player people you know, because only they will know whether their player support wireless adapter or not.


What's happening: Thousands turn up at Suntec for the annual PC Show which ends on Sunday

Ah Fook had the wrong buzz at the YOG event

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

"Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, HEY!"

Ah Fook has agreed to help his friend out at the event in the heartlands, and it appeared all the hardware were in place for the huge event!

AH FOOK: Wow! This is fun!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Yap! Like in all NDPs, we always manage to get everything set up and ready to go way before the event!

AH FOOK: Way before? Ahahahaha! Friend, you sleeping ah? Tomorrow night's the opening match already!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: What tomorrow night? We're about two months away!

AH FOOK: Yah lah! Tomorrow is the opening match! South Africa vs Mexico! You can trust me on this! I can't be wrong with the dates when there are only 4 free matches!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Er... Ah Fook, are you talking about the World Cup?

AH FOOK: Aber then?

COMMUNITY ENVOY: I'm talking about the YOG.

AH FOOK: Huh? YOG?

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Yah, YOG. The Youth Olympics Games.

AH FOOK: Oh... so this event is to promote the YOG? Not the World Cup?

COMMUNITY ENVOY: No, Ah Fook. And in the first place why should we promote the World Cup? It's not even organised by our country!

AH FOOK: No mah, because this time the cable TVs overcharged us and made the whole World Cup so sour, so I thought they trying to organise some happy events to make eveyone happy mah...

COMMUNITY ENVOY: No Ah Fook, this is a YOG event to light up the buzz in the heartland. Because it appears that not much people are in the mood yet. Erm... I think some don't even know we've got the YOG...

AH FOOK: Oh don't worry lah! Everyone is aware of the YOG! I've seen the YOG goodies selling at NTUC supermarkets, 7-ll stores and even at petrol stations!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Really? I didn't know that! I thought the souvenirs are sold only at a couple of locations?

AH FOOK: No, it's everywhere! In fact, I've even bought one of the mascot soft toys!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Cool! Which one did you buy? The blue Merlion or red lion?

AH FOOK: No lah, I bought the green and yellow lion!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Green and yellow lion?

AH FOOK: Yap! So kawaii!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Ah Fook, our mascots are only the blue Merlion and red lion, but no green and yellow lion.

AH FOOK: No green and yellow lion? But that's what I see everywhere!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: That is the South Africa World Cup mascot.

AH FOOK: Oh...

COMMUNITY ENVOY: ...

AH FOOK: Hey, don't keep playing the JJ cheer song leh, play the other one, the Waka Waka one!

COMMUNITY ENVOY: Waka Waka?

AH FOOK: Yah! The one by Shakira lah!


For those as confused as Ah Fook, this is the FIFA World Cup 2010 South Africa theme song, Waka Waka by Shakira:


"Minnasan, karewa this time for Africa!"


And this is the Youth Olympics Games 2010 Singapore theme song, You Are The One, Singapore by JJ:


"Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, HEY!"

Ah Fook checks on the pastor who is taking a break

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

While all mega-churches are under investigation, Ah Fook was surprised to find his pastor friend missing in the church’s usual service as well! So the concerned Ah Fook decided to pay the pastor a visit. Upon reaching the pastor's house, Ah Fook found him lying lazily on his feather bed.

AH FOOK: Hey Pastor, what's happening? Why you MIA from the church service?

PASTOR: Oh Fook! So nice of you to come visit me! Yawn~ oh I'm taking a well-needed break now.

AH FOOK: Ohh... so your Caesar Empire Church also kena investigation?

PASTOR: Well... I'll say just usual checks by the authorities, nothing alarming. My church is clean, okay! Unlike those suspicious mega-churches that build $47 million church in Jurong and go around buying huge shopping and convention complex! And we also don't open up expensive boutique houses that sell high-end fashion to our brothers and sisters yeh!

AH FOOK: So your church don't have a large reserve or make huge investments like those mega-churches?

PASTOR: Of course not! We believe in maintaining just enough for surviving. You know, the Lord has taught us not to be greedy! Yes we do have some savings in some Swiss bank and we've made some investments in property, F&B, fashion, construction, manufacturing and music, but that's all! Oops, sorry, lemme get a call (Pastor picked up the phone) Hi Sheikh Mohammed, so nice to hear from you! Oh... oh yes, I want the whole of Europe islands in the World. No! No I don't care who else is bidding for it, whatever they're paying, I'll give you ten folds. Yes... yes, please lemme know again! Shukran! (Pastor hang up) Sorry Fook!

AH FOOK: No worries! Wow, you're buying some land in Dubai?

PASTOR: Just a small investment, nothing big like the Suntec City! You must understand, any organisation that wants to do anything on a large scale needs a large amount of finances, be it charity work or even day-to-day administration. It's not like all the money will go into my pocket you know?

AH FOOK: Ok cool! Cos for a second, I was thinking where your new Ferrari comes from...

PASTOR: Ah... Fook, I see the need to make it clear. I have not been receiving any salary from my church, just allowance, you know? Just some token as appreciation of the time and effort I put into running the church. Nothing as much as what the ministers are getting, I can assure you that.

AH FOOK: So... again, why are you taking a break har?

PASTOR: Actually I've got no idea too... but since my lawyers advised me to take a break and not give any comments to anyone...


What's happening: Pastor Kong Hee ‘takes a break’

Ah Fook thought the MRT train finally looks cool!

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

When Ah Fook saw the MRT train with garish graffiti, he thought "Wow! Finally the MRT company decided to spend money to decorate our trains!" He didn't expect it to be a vandalism. But can it even be called a vandalism when for the very first time, Ah Fook actually feels that the MRT train looks cool! In fact it would have been better if not only one carriage, but the whole train is painted! So, depressed that the authority will definitely swiftly get rid of those nice graffiti and give the passengers back their boring gray trains, Ah Fook went for a drink with his hippy friend.

AH FOOK: Hey bro, you saw the graffiti on the MRT train?

HIPPY FRIEND: Yah! Looks real cool right? That is one piece of work man!

AH FOOK: Yah lor, damn cool! But too bad it's going to be removed...

HIPPY FRIEND: Yah man! Wasted! For once I felt like taking the MRT train! Anyway who is this genius?

AH FOOK: He's a...

HIPPY FRIEND: Wait! Lemme guess! He must be not from this country!

AH FOOK: DUH! That's a no-brainer right? Since when will our country breed such creative talent!

HIPPY FRIEND: Ahahahaha! Totally! Our country only produce boring scholars! Hahaha! So sad! So tell me! Who is this guy? Where is he from?

AH FOOK: The newspapers only said he's a Swiss guy leh!

HIPPY FRIEND: Cool! So he sneaked into the MRT depot in the middle of the night?

AH FOOK: Yap, he managed to cut through the wire fences and sneaked into the depot at Changi! Power sia!

HIPPY FRIEND: Dude, I must meet this guy man! But you know what's the problem? The boring authority is sure to punish him for it. That's pathetic. I didn't mean the Swiss guy. But anyway it's also not right that he can just sneak into a MRT depot so easily. I mean, isn't that place supposed to be a high security area? What if some terrorist instead of an artist sneaked in? We would have a bomb in the train and not some fancy art!

AH FOOK: Yah hor, actually very dangerous hor?

HIPPY FRIEND: Exactly! Where were the security guards when he sneaked in?

AH FOOK: Er... but friend, have you seen the kind of security guards we have in the country? Most of them are retired old man, and the rest very fat man. Our security guards all cannot make it one lah!

HIPPY FRIEND: Well, I understand we can surely close one eye when recruiting guards for office buildings and condominiums, but these kind of restricted area should have top notch security guards right? Perhaps some macho men who can win a Gold at every IPPT and know at least one form of martial art?

AH FOOK: Hello? You thought how much are these security guards earning? You pay peanuts you get monkeys hor!

HIPPY FRIEND: Ha! But I thought peanuts are expensive in this country? Mrs Goh's peanut not cheap, remember?


The cool looking MRT train with artistic graffiti instead of the normal cheesy advertisements




At least the free graffiti looks so much better than some of the post boxes that Singpost paid to be spray-painted to promote YOG right?


(Photo in courtesy of Straits Times)

Ah Fook interviews the new Miss Galaxy 2010

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook took up the task of interviewing the new Miss Galaxy 2010 at her home. As with the rest of the people in the country, he too feel that in these recent years, most if not all of the Miss Galaxy cannot make it, but hey a guy has got to do what he got to do to make a living right?

AH FOOK: Hi Miss Galaxy, there've been gossips among the people that you're not as pretty and witty as Contestant 7. So I'm here representing the press to interview you and it's your chance now to show that you've got what it takes!

MISS GALAXY: Cool!

AH FOOK: Let's start with... What are the benefits of living in a campaign city?

MISS GALAXY: Well, I think it is great! We've got a 'Smile' campaign, 'Be on time to weddings' campaign, 'Be Kind' campaign, 'Speak Chinese you pathetic banana' campaign, 'Give up your damn seat to that old man' campaign, 'Wash your hands after going to toilet' campaign, 'Remove still water so that you don't get dengue fever' campaign, 'Go get married quick' campaign... whether they are efficient or not, it makes our country more interesting and also helps to fill up the gap between TV program intervals when the TV station is not getting enough ads!

AH FOOK: Some foreigners have been criticizing that our people are rude. Should these foreigners have the right to say that kind of things?

MISS GALAXY: Well, I feel that foreign workers should have equal rights to complain because there are a lot of foreign workers here... But these foreigners can actually be rude too so when they complain we are rude we can complain they are rude also. So I believe that we all should have equal rights to complain how rude each other are.

AH FOOK: What are the other things that deserve more attention from the people?

MISS GALAXY (after a long pause): Well, I feel that money and economic well-being are more important to us. I mean, when in parliament, the ministers only talk about the economy and population numbers. Even our country's pavilion at the World Expo is also showcasing our GDP figures! Good manners can't buy you bread you know?

AH FOOK: What would you do to become a good role model for others and why?

MISS GALAXY: First of all I should watch my actions and be more responsible. When there are angmohs nearby, I'll try to be more polite. But when I'm surrounded by the ruder China people, of course I won't waste my energy!

AH FOOK: Would you think most people are polite or rude?

MISS GALAXY: Well I think the Graciousness Index is just a number that only the gahmen understands and I believe many of us are doing okay! If we didn't give up our seats to those that need it more, at least we bother to pretend to sleep! If we tsk people blocking our way, it's just a shorter slang for "excuse me" because we're in a hurry! If we block alighting passengers by standing at the doors of MRT trains, it's actually because we're trying to be their support in case they fall! I mean, these days the MRT doors will open by themselves automatically even when the train is moving right? And if we don't give way to other drivers on the road, that's because we're too busy concentrating on avoiding the zigzag double yellow lines, dotted suddenly become full bus lane lines, get ready to give way to bus or else kana fine lines and all the roadworks every 500m!

AH FOOK: And lastly, I guess you're okay with me saying frankly that Contestant 7 does look prettier than you and is definitely smarter than you?

MISS GALAXY: Hey! That is so rude!


What's happening: Singaporeans slammed for being rude in Australian newspaper, 环球小姐惹争议　有脑有貌佳丽没夺冠军

Ah Fook thinks we're becoming a Sin City!

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook is so not motivated to get out of his house these days. Take a quick look at the newspapers and TV and these are all he sees day in day out...

• Maid engaged in sex with her employer's 11 years old son
  
  A cross between Maid in Manhattan and Sex and the City? Previously, the families with maids were worried that their maids may bring their Banglah/Thai/Indon boyfriends home. Now they don't know if their boys are doing the hanky-panky with their maids!


• Gall bladder sold openly at the Singapore Food Expo
  
  Wah! To sell it so openly, he must be really thinking that Singapore is part of China! Next you'll have dog meat served at wedding dinners?


• Gang fight in Kallang, leaving one dead, two in intensive care and another with half his palm hacked off
  
  Finally! After not hearing from the Ah Beng gangs for so long, we thought that gang fight is a history already! So since our local Ah Bengs are not doing their fighting, we bring in the foreign talents to fight for us!


• Toto results announcer murdered
  
  Apparently the murderer is not one of the Toto winners... Maybe the 4D announcers should be careful as well...


• Unemployed man caught with possession of a semi-automatic pistol
  
  Now this is rare! Possession of gun in the country! Custom officers getting slack these days?


• Police investigating City Harvest Church for alleged misuse of funds
  
  This has got to be the winner! Religion + money scandal will always win all kinds of sex and murder hands down! If we can link in some dirty politician to this story, that will really make a great movie better than the Godfather!

Seriously... Ah Fook really feels safer at home in this Sin City. Besides the fact that he is not going to risk taking the bus with the high number of bus accidents these days...

Ah Fook congratulates Pingpong Player for winning World Championship

(Picture in courtesy of Pet Society)

Ah Fook heard that Singapore China Team has beaten the China China Team to win in the World Table Tennis Championship! With tears of great happiness, Ah Fook hurried over to Pingpong Player's house to congratulate her!

AH FOOK: Congrats! Congrats! So after all these years, the Singapore China team has finally won the China China team!

PINGPONG PLAYER: Yap yap! Finally!

AH FOOK: So you gals have finally proven that the Foreign Sport Talent Scheme does work!

PINGPONG PLAYER: Yap yap! Finally!

AH FOOK: And the table tennis association chairperson can finally see black on her balance sheet!

PINGPONG PLAYER: Hmm... I guess so... after all, this championship has brought in huge profit for the association...

AH FOOK: Huge profit? How so?

PINGPONG PLAYER: Well, we've won a world championship medal back, that's for sure. But in return, there is no bonus for the players. Just business as usual. So I guess you guys call it great ROI?

AH FOOK: No way! No bonus for winning a world championship?!

PINGPONG PLAYER: Really lah... Because this is just a single game event, not the glam glam Olympics or Asean Games, so the country will not reward us.

AH FOOK: Oh... the world championship not glam enough huh?

PINGPONG PLAYER: Yap, not glam enough. Although one of the ministers said either the table tennis association or country sports council should consider rewarding us but... chairperson already said 'No'. The association will not ask for rewards from the country. Well but if some private corporation decided to give us some reward, she has no objection to that.

AH FOOK: Er... but babe, why will any private corporation give you gals money out of nowhere? Come'on! These private corporations don't even donate a single cent during charity shows, you think they'll donate reward to you gals? A bit of fat hope right?

PINGPONG PLAYER: Then no choice liao lor!

AH FOOK: But hey, is the table tennis association under the country sports council?

PINGPONG PLAYER: I think so bah...

AH FOOK: And the country sports council is statboard right?

PINGPONG PLAYER: Should be bah...

AH FOOK: Aiyah! Then at least you'll have half a month of salary plus $300 of mid-year bonus!

PINGPONG PLAYER: Er... but are we considered civil servant?

AH FOOK: No meh?

PINGPONG PLAYER: The chairperson yes lah, as for us... I guess we're just servants without the civil?

What's happening: 我国女乒队夺世乒赛冠军　张思乐：乒总可考虑发奖金鼓励