One Million GBP Coca-Cola Windows Live Mobile Draw - This Spammer very patient wor!

You know, I'm really impressed by this Coca-cola-SG-Bank spammer. They damn patient lor! It takes them sooo long to finally try to cheat me money, maybe they should work on their productivity...

Okay, so after sending my signed Fund Release letter to SG Bank, they very professionally send me a reply from SG Bank's Dr. Carl Ladley (Head of Operations) to tell me to contact this Prize Administrator Mr Paul Clinton again to follow up. Wah, so honored right, Head of Operations contacted me leh!

And then I didn't contact Mr Paul Clinton because I was too busy with my real life, but it was not long before he contacted me. Apparently my fund has been released and my very chio Certificate of Award has been prepared. Some more promised to send me the hard copy wor! Aiyah, wasted they'll never be able to reach me because that is not my name and that address comes from this other spammer that keep sms'ing me...



But then now, the bank needs a copy of Fund Transfer Order from the Crown Court before they can send me my money, and so I need to engage the help of this certified legal practitioner with a weird name called Mr O N Devon...



And almost immediately, I received an email from this guy! In the morning of Singapore time, meaning in the middle of the night in London! Wah! He working OT leh! Sure enough, the very waited-very-long-liao-how-much-do-you-want-to-cheat-me email is asking me to pay him 975 British Pounds!

Notice this Note on the email: "Western Union or Money Gram agents may ask you reasons for the transfer. Kindly indicate Family use because they will ask you for additional documents if you tell them that you are paying for the court documents which take weeks to obtain". Very smart lor.



Ooi, don't play play ok, just in case I don't believe that he is a real lawyer, he sent his ID to prove it wor!



So just pay 975 pounds can get 1 million pounds very good lobang right?

Yah RIGHT...

有冇搞错？点做生意架?

喜酒正要开始，新郎新娘的老爸老妈已经在门外招待客人。
新郎新娘已经在脑中彩排等一下进场是要怎样走，怎样挥手，怎样笑。
突然之间，酒楼老板跑出来跟新郎新娘说：“哎呀，不好意思！我知道你订了72桌，我也应该准备至少75桌的菜，但今天撞鬼了，我们只准备了52桌的菜！今天的喜酒取消，叫你的客人改天再来可以吗？”

你一定会想：“有冇搞错？点做生意架?”


今天你又去常去的那摊卖虾面的，听老板说他们今天会开始卖新的汤面。
你好兴奋又好紧张的等了又等，老板终于把一碗面捧到你的眼前。
那是一碗加了豆芽的排骨虾面。吃了一条虾，有不一样咩？连大小还是一样咧！喝了一口汤，而且汤也没换嘛！
你问老板，这碗最新的虾面跟其他的那几款有不一样咩？
老板心平气和的解释说：“当然不一样！第3款是原味虾面，第3S款是加了排骨的虾面，第4款是加了排骨和菜的虾面，然后最新的这款4S你没发现加了豆芽吗？”
可是别摊卖虾面的早就已经加豆芽了吧？
结果老板理直气壮的说：“反正这就是我们最新的虾面了，你不买大把人买！”

你一定会想：“有冇搞错？点做生意架?”

One Million GBP Coca-Cola Windows Live Mobile Draw Winner YOUR HEAD!

Recently I've received a spam message on my mobile, which congratulated me for winning the One Million GBP Coca-Cola Windows Live Mobile Draw Winner and asked me to provide my email address for details. Yah right. My phone not even Windows Mobile lor!

So okay lor, I decided to send them the email anyway and see what's their tricks. I didn't have to wait long for that email to arrive at my newly created email account. So they asked me to fill up and send in a form to receive my one million pounds wor!




A couple of days later, tada! They replied me that very famous European bank called SG Bank will process my winning money and now I have to sign and return this Fund Release letter wor!



I'm very sure and double confirm the next email will ask for my bank account and ask me to transfer some admin fees that must cost a few thousands of dollars.

Let's wait and see.

Another Home (The 'Other' National Day Video)

Nice production from SINdie!

THIS is the best ever National Day video I've watched all these years!

DIE DIE must watch lah!

My favourite part? The mushrooms and co-driver slapping the driver!

What is my review? Aiyah! I don't know what to say lah!

Why the hell do we need a Fun Pack song?

Like SERIOUSLY? A song about Newwater and biscuits?

Either the organizing committee is too creative and getting too far away out of the box, or simply too free.

And Lady Gaga agreed to us changing her lyrics? She really won't sue us for copyright?

And actually why don't we edit our own songs? After all it's a national even right?

Like changing "Train is coming" to "Pack is opening... pack is opening..."

Nyo don't know how to order from menu anymore

Nyo: How the hell do I know what meat am I actually eating?
Mehly: Geez, after all the replacements, I've no idea as well!

BEWARE of Fake WP Volunteers Network

BEWARE of Fake WP Volunteers Network at www.wpvolunteers.org

A website is collecting volunteer information without the knowledge of The Workers' Party. Please do not entrust your information with them. Please share this information with all your friends who want to volunteer with WP.

If you do not see a link publicised from either Workers' Party's Facebook page or Workers' Party's website, it is definitely not an official Workers' Party site.

GE2011 - Who is actually the victim? And the bad guys?

The election is finally over and the blaming game starts now. But are the victims really victims? Are the bad guys really the ones to blame for?

Victim #1: George Yeo forced to leave Aljunied GRC.
The misunderstood bad guys: Workers' Party not giving much choice to the residents in Aljunied GRC.
The REAL bad guys: PAP who didn't swap George Yeo out of Aljunied GRC after 2006 elections. Then, Sylvia Lim and her team won almost 44% of the vote granting her the position of NCMP. Since then (actually even before 2006), Sylvia Lim has been actively visiting and listening to the residents in Aljunied GRC. And PAP did not think that WP will attack Aljunied again in 2011 elections? If the Joo Chiat MP can be swapped out, why not George Yeo from Aljunied?
The REAL victim: Workers' Party who has been blamed for PAP's internal affairs.


Victim #2: Residents of Aljunied GRC forced into voting George Yeo out.
The misunderstood bad guys: Workers' Party not giving much choice to the residents in Aljunied GRC.
The REAL bad guys: PAP who if have done a proper job for the past 5 years, the residents will never be moved by Workers' Party's offer of 5 opposition members in the parliament. MM Lee who summoned the evil shadow and cursed the residents to regret and repent for the next 5 years. In response to emotional blackmail, most people will just let emotion gets in the way and walk the opposite path. Especially true for the young ones.
The REAL victim: The rest of Singaporeans who did not vote in Aljunied GRC but forced to repent in MM Lee's curse of the Plegue of Ungrateful Singapore - Plague of Heat, Plague of Flood, Plague of Haze and Plague of sold-out iPad2.


Victim #3: Tin Pei Ling who has been bombarded by relentless netizens on all forms of social media.
The misunderstood bad guys: The Ungrateful netizens who are simply judging based on her age and not giving her a chance to prove herself.
The REAL bad guys: Her admin who didn't write a more touching speech for her during the rallies, perhaps should have asked for some tips from Nicole Seah's admin... oh wait, Nicole wrote her own speeches. Her admin who just could not control her OooOoooOooh till after Cooling Off Day, perhaps should have asked for some tips from Nicole Seah's admin... oh wait, Nicole manages her own Facebook page.
The REAL victim: Kate Spade Regional Sales Manager who will have problem meeting sales target now.


Victim #4: Chiam See Tong who lost Potong Pasir.
The misunderstood bad guy: Sitoh Yih Pin who won the seat in Potong Pasir for PAP.
The REAL bad guys: The residents in Potong Pasir who didn't cast a vote for Chiam. Either they did not believe in Mrs Chiam's ability, forgetting that Chiam See Tong will still be there as a consultant to help her; or they really want that shelter and new playground.
The REAL victim: Sitoh Yih Pin who will now constantly have eyes behind his back watching his every move in the next 5 years.

What happens after GE2011 - Nicole Seah vs Tin Pei Ling

After surviving this mentally and physically exhausting campaign for a first timer in a brand new opposition party, Nicole will still get back to helping the residents in need on Sunday, and get back to work on Monday.

There is no news on what Tin Pei Ling will be doing after the elections, well besides smiling and waving on a lorry on Sunday, but I suppose she still has to deal with this...

Facebook Petition to remove Tin Pei Ling as a MP with 38k likes so far.

Just wondering, whether SM Goh will want to have a face-to-face with her in his office on Monday as well...

GE2011 - Please vote with your head and heart on Polling Day

Friends, Singaporeans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to state the fact, not to complain about PAP;
The mistakes that men make lives after election day,
A good politician might not make the best decisions,
So let it be with PAP ... The noble PAP
Hath told you the opposition parties are ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously will we pay for it if that is why we will not vote for them ...
Here, under the rule of PM Lee and the rest,
(For PM Lee is an honourable man;
So are they all; all honourable men but just a little bit arrogant)
Come I to speak on Polling day ...
A good opposition party is like your friend, faithful and just to you:
But PAP says they are all ambitious;
And PM Lee is an honourable man….
Good opposition parties hath brought many feedback from the residents to the Parliament,
Whose issues are brought up to the government:
Did this in the good opposition parties seem ambitious?
When that the poor have cried, PAP hath not heard:
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff like this:
Yet PAP says opposition parties are all ambitious;
And PM Lee is an honourable man.
You all did see that on the Facebook page of Tin Pei Ling
when all have kept still on Cooling Off Day,
Which she did broke the silence: was this acceptable?
Yet Tin Pei Ling says it was an honest mistake;
And, sure, she is an honourable candidate.
I speak not to disprove what PAP ministers spoke,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did lead a good live once, without worries of constantly rising cost:
What causes the difficult lives you are having now?
O judgement! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason…. Bear with me;
My heart will be in the coffin there with Democracy,
if all opposition parties have lost their seats today
And I must pause till it come back to me five years later.

GE2011 - 在冷静日这天，送给大家几首好歌！

这首歌送给反对党大伙儿们，感激他们豁了出去，就为了让政府听到我们的心声。



情与义 值千金
刀山去地狱去 有何憾
为知心 牺牲有何感
为娇娃甘心割寸心
血泪为情流 岂有恨
有谁人敢过问


这首歌送给李总理，为他可惜他可能会失去一名爱将。



Only you can take me 取西经
Only you 能杀妖精鬼怪
Only you 能保护我
不用被些蚌精蟹精吃我
只有你够行 就是 only you
Only you 别怪师父唠叨
戴回个箍
莫怕死 别发颤抖
碰到钉别怕 I understand
要全力去do 要怕就一起怕
喃无阿弥驼佛


这首歌送给所有的选民们，鼓励大家一起站起来为未来奋斗，希望大家明天会做个聪明合理的选择。



Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!


这首歌要送给谁现在还不知道，因为是送给明天落选的候选人，希望他们下回再继续努力！



Sorry sorry sorry sorry…

GE2011 - My emotional night before cooling down

Last night, I went to the last Workers' Party rally of the election year.

I rushed off from work and drove more than one hour from my office to the stadium, in a traffic so jammed up that my average speed was 20kmh throughout the whole journey.

When I finally reached the area near the stadium, all the carparks were full. I had to park my car 1.8km (Google map said one) away and walked my way to the stadium under the hot evening heat.

But I did not walk alone. There were loads and loads of people heading the same way as me, some in groups, some couples, some alone, all excited and pumped up.

When I reached the traffic junction at the stadium, looking at the huge crowd spilling out of the stadium, seated outside the stadium, standing along the pavement outside the stadium, waiting to cross the roads towards the stadium, it then occurred to me how humongous the crowd was. Definitely more Singaporeans there than the NDP.

Luckily I was still able to get into the stadium and find a little spot at the end of the field (yes, by then only left the limited space at the back of the field in the stadium liaoz). And there I stood, where for two hours I listened calmly together with everybody, cheered frantically with everybody and perspired together with everybody.

That night, as with the other rallies, Workers' Party took the words in our mind and our hope in our heart, and amplified them through the loudspeakers in the stadium.

Finally, the rally was wrapped up with Workers' Party leading us through the Singapore pledge. Together with all our hearts, as Singaporeans, without rehearsal, we pledged ourselves as one united people again.

When I left the stadium at the end of the night, I knew that if I have not gone to the rally, I would have to regret and repent for five years.

Now, the only problem is... Workers' Party did not come to my house. I have to vote between a cannot-make-it opposition party and PAP.

GE2011 - You Have A Choice

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvqu8CR3Hr0


Your vote is secret. Your vote is essential to the future of the country. Vote with your heart and mind. Not with fear. It's time for a change.

GE2011 - Please hear what we want for our public transport

"I think the underlying motivation for suggesting that public transport should be nationalised is that it can be cheap. But nationalising in many other countries has led to a lot of inefficiency. And ultimately you get cheap transport but it doesn't quite work out." - Mrs Lim Hwee Hua, Second Minister for Finance and Transport.

Talk is always cheap. Especially when she is not the one who's taking the public transport. Distributing flyers at the station and taking the train during off peak hours with an army of escort does not count. But these will count...





We're not asking for a perfect world class public transport system. What we want is just a comfortable ride home from a day of tiring work. What we wish for is your understanding of how we feel and for us to understand how are you going to make it different for us.

We need a public transport system that has more heart, not more profit.

GE2011 - Must see their track record before voting lah!

PAP is always right lah. When we finally have a chance to vote now, we cannot be so lidat and go and anyhow vote lah. So my fellow Singaporeans, before you wake up and go voting on 7 May this Saturday, must think hard hard about all the candidates. Don't anyhow go and believe empty promises. Must go find out more about these people's track record mah! Open your eyes big big and see what they have done to you for the past 5 years!

"It will be sad if people vented their frustrations on other new Singaporeans who are here to find a better life. As a politician, I can stand the heat. When you ask Singaporean residents for feedback, they will complain that they have to wait more than 15 minutes for the bus. But when you ask new immigrants, they are happy that the bus comes in under 30 minutes." - Charles Chong

"The figures may be right, but the conclusion could be wrong."
- Seah Kian Peng questioning The Prices and Earnings 2009 survey by the Swiss bank which stated that the Singaporean worker’s wages has decreased over the past 3 years, while the cost of living has shot up.

"We may be the highest paid, but at the same time it is also important for them to understand we're probably the most effective, the best civil service in the world. And this came about because AUPE and PSD (Public Service Division), we work hand in hand, so on the one hand, we negotiate for fair terms, for good terms, for responsive rewards for civil servants."- Lim Swee Say

“How much do you want? Do you want three meals in a hawker centre, food court or restaurant?” - Vivian Balakrishnan on why the monthly PA allowance should not be increased to pay for the minimum three basic meals a day for its recipients.

"I think this is not a trifling amount. But it is an amount that will give us value for money in terms of positioning ourselves, in terms of marketing ourselves, in terms of making sure we are on everyone’s radar screen the next time they make an investment decision." - Vivian Balakrishnan again, this time on why it makes sense to overspend on YOG.

“They (residents) should thank the Town Council for working hard to come up with a diversified portfolio to generate income so that residents do not have to fork out more money.” - Teo Ho Pin about why it makes sense to invest constituency’s funds in high risk funds.

"There would be a group who currently, the ones who are travelling single trips and shorter trips who are not benefiting, but we hope that if they review it say on a weekly travel pattern basis instead of looking at it on a per-trip basis ... look at it as a weekly travel pattern and sometimes also in terms of what is to come later on, more choices ... in due course, I am sure they will benefit as well." - Lim Hwee Hua on the mysterious group that genuinely benefit from the distance-based fare system.

“There are not that many people in Singapore who really want to be extremely good at what they are doing. We are always in danger in Singapore of mistaking excellence for competence. Most people in Singapore are happy to be competent, above average than exceptional. I half suspect that once we get to 75 per cent of that level — which is quite good — you think that’s good enough, you’re already better than the rest in Singapore.” - Tharman Shanmugaratnam

"What happened was very unusual. The intensity was tremendous." - Yaacob Ibrahim on the freak flood. Oh by the way, we were flooded again just yesterday.

"And with so many civil servants around, it is inevitable that there will be some people who are less flexible. Also, as society's standards get higher and education levels improve, the people will demand more of government departments." - Teo Ser Luck replying on the feedback that there are bureaucratic people in his two ministries.

"It is a squandered opportunity for a higher degree of self-regulation. It would have been an example of the genesis of the first step towards a more responsible, a greater self-regulatory regime. But many of those responses were not rebutted nor answered. And I think it is not healthy for some of those to remain on the net unchallenged, unquestioned, and unanswered." - Lui Tuck Yew on the internet and its netizens.

The above quotes are sourced from WikiMe, My Job and What I have said as your MP

Yes your vote is secret

Your vote is secret and your vote is important.

A lot of people have worked their asses off to ensure you have a voting ticket in this election.

Don't waste this chance in case you kena a walkover GRC next election.

Nobody gives a damn whether you're a soldier, a policeman or work in a statboard because nobody can see your vote.

Vote for the party that echoes what you have in your heart and mind, not the one you have to vote for.

Voting should be free from fear.

Sorry PM, too late to say sorry lah!

Yesterday was another moment in Disney magic on earth. After the pretty girl married the handsome prince, and the big villain was killed, the arrogant rich man stood out to apologise. Oh yes, that is the first from PAP. Our dear PM said "If we didn't get it right, I'm sorry. But we will try better the next time.".

I can imagine the crowd at Singapore Pools to buy in 4D number 0503 or 0305. It's not everyday that you get PAP to say "sorry" you know?

PM Lee: If we didn’t get it right, I’m sorry
Yahoo! News

PM Lee acknowledged some of the government's initiatives have resulted in "side effects", such as problem gambling among Singaporeans due to the opening of the Integrated Resorts.

He also cited the congestion in public transport because of the increased intake in foreigners.

"We made a mistake when we let Mas Selamat run away. We made a mistake when Orchard Road go flooded," he said.

But PM Sir, why are you only realising the mistakes that your people have made like... now? Like a couple of days before the Polling Day? Why such a perfectly-timed sorry?

And why did the sorry come only after the mistakes have been brought up again and again by the Opposition parties?

Perhaps it is really time to place a few of these young candidates from the opposition parties into the parliament so that they can be there to catch such mistakes made by those old and experienced ministers in the future 5 years, so that "sorry" does not come only once in every 5 years? So that we only hear "sorry" for mistakes that were made donkey years ago?



"Much has been said about foreigners for the past few days, but I fear our anger might have been mis-directed. It is not their fault that our wages has stagnanted. It is not their fault that our property prices has sky-rocketed. And it is not their fault that we are all forced to pack ourselves like sardines in the MRT train. No, my friend. The real target of our anger is the PAP government!" -- Nicole Seah, NSP



"The government has also made a number of mistakes throughout the years, the Mas Selamat escape, the over-budgeted Youth Olympics Games, and the losses incurred not just by Temasek and GIC but also by the various town councils when they used their funds to buy minibonds." -- Glenda Han, WP



Oops, SORRY! The last one was put up by mistake.

My PAP MP-wannabe has been kidnapped by aliens!

Dear fellow Singaporeans who stay at West Coast GRC, if any of you have seen my PAP MP-wannabe for West Coast GRC who has been arrowed to go Dover, please do let me know. In fact, my friend at Jurong West, also under the West Coast GRC, did not see his PAP MP-wannabe as well.

It is now time for candidates to visit their residents and in fact most have done their homework by the last long weekend (if not what do you think that long weekend was for and why the polling weekend is after a long weekend?). But for some weird reasons, we have yet to have this once-in-5-years visit from our PAP MP-wannabes.

I amd dead worried that some bad things might have happened to them, like falling off the edge of Marina Bay, or kena adopted by alien (no, aliens like Paul, not the Chinese mei mei at the massage saloon).

So please, if you do see any of them, please tell them to come visit me, in case I forget to vote for them.

The GE2011 video that has to be taken down - by Mr Teo Ser Luck

While Tin Pei Ling's rally speech was like Primary School Story Telling Contest, titled "This morning, I walked 30 blocks", at least there was content in her speech. That's why it was not taken down.

My mom's vote and my vote

During lunch in a kopi tiam, I was telling Mom not to cook my dinner as I might be going to Party X's rally...

Mom: But Party X is not even contesting in our constituency!
Me: Yah I know, but the opposition party here cannot make it leh! Some more I only support Party X...
Mom: You really too free...
Me: No lah, we cannot just look at our own constituency mah, our votes affect the whole country one leh! So to support Party X, I'm going to buy their little flags and hang in the car!
Mom: Choy! How can you hang such things in the car!
Me: Why not? Not as if mada will catch...
Mom: Why go and challenge the gahmen? Not worth the risk right! Aiyah, anyway don't say already lah! Here so many people, these kinda things wait till go home then say!

And that is a perfect illustration of the older and younger generation of voters here in Singapore.

I'm pretty sure my Mom is going to vote for that party. Not because she really supports and agrees with them, because I've heard her complaining about their policies in the comfort of our home. But she'll still vote for them just to be safe.

And me? I don't like to live in fear.

GE2011 Drama Trailer - Aljunied will pay the price

When most people are enjoying the freedom of making their own choices, some people living in one area have to endure warnings and threats.

GE2011 Drama Trailer - Don't need co-driver

If you're good, of course you don't need a co-driver. But if you have been driving like shit for the past 5 years, you really need a slap to wake you up.

GE2011 Drama Trailer - Suddenly MP

When one guy woke up in the morning, he didn't expect to become an instant MP by noon.

GE2011 Drama Trailer - 35 Seconds Too Late

When one party was 35 seconds too late for their paper work, one whole cluster of people did not get a choice.

SGElections - 35 minutes and less than 12 hours

在35秒内，一大群本来可以有选择的人失去了一个难得一次的机会。
在12个钟头内，一个本来默默无名的人突然变成为了政治人物。




张国荣：看着我的手表。
张曼玉：干嘛要看着你的手表？
张国荣：就35秒。
张曼玉：时间到了，说吧。
张国荣：今天几号了？
张曼玉：27号。
张国荣：27号，4月27号。2011年4月27号下午12点之前的35秒你来不及交表格。因为这样你会记住这35秒。从现在开始你不可以参选了，这是事实，你改变不了，因为已经过去去了。下次请早。

Vote for Nyo and Mehly to win a TV!

"Remember our faces when you vote, and you'll get a chance to win a free 54" Smart TV!" -- Nyo

NOT That Party's GE2011 Manifesto

http://www.youtube.com/embed/ocgtaT_7324

Nyo's and Mehly's votes vs the upgradings

"So it's either I'm staying in the wrong ward, or I voted for the wrong party?" -- Nyo

Nyo thinks the party needs a better Social Media "expert"

"Twitter and Facebook is just a virtual next-to-the-lift notice board right?" -- Mehly.

The IN thing in this Election is to be from humble background

"Remember not to wear your Lorex watch when you go visit the people!" -- Nyo

Nyo speechless about his speechless wife in forum

Nyo was wondering why did he even bother to send his wife to the political forum...

Nyo knew he shouldn't have let his maid carry his backpack...

"Now that the first guy is caught with his maid carrying his field pack, the army is definitely going on witch hunt, and I have to keep my maid's mouth shut!" -- Nyo

Pretty Mehly is joining the election too!

"Of course I'm qualified to be the new candidate! At least I'll look pretty on town council newsletters and National Day posters!" -- Mehly

I will vote for you reason #5 - IF you are Mr Brown

Oh yes Mr Brown, I will vote for you on that piece of serial-numbered paper, on your blog and even dial a 1900 number and pay $50 to vote for you...

• Even though you cannot make the 5-rooms HDB flat in Queenstown cheaper and I will never have enough money to upgrade.


• Even though you cannot ask the private clinics to charge cheaper and I still have to wait long long in the polyclinic queue just to get the universal applies-to-all panadol.


• Even though you cannot ask the kopitiam not to use the rising cost of flour/egg/sugar to raise the price of kopi-C for another 20 cents.


• Even though you cannot bring down the ever-rising electricity bill.


• Even though you cannot stop the self-proclaimed world-class public transport from increasing the fares yet again.

So Mr Brown my friend, I will confirm, chop and guarantee tick for you even though you can't do anything, because the other MPs didn't do anything also. But at least your blog makes me laugh from the bottom of my heart. Oh, and you won't ask for too high a minister salary right?

I will vote for you reason #4 - IF you tell my boss I need a $575 designer chair

Oh yes Mr MP-wannabe, I will use luminous green highlighter on the big fat tick that I draw on your box...

• If you call up my boss to tell him that economy has improved so much and I've worked so hard that I deserve a $575 designer chair.


• If you have lunch with my boss and tell him that I had accepted a wage reduction during the difficult economic times and worked hard to help turn the economy around quickly, and I so deserve a 2.5 months bonus.


• If you give one free maid for each family in your constituency so that somebody will carry my bag for me when I go to work.


• If you also plan for a free half day city tour for your constituency to the National Museum of Singapore, the Urban Redevelopment Authority’s City Gallery and Parliament House. Especially the National Museum, because the admission fee there very expensive leh!


• If you change our address to something more posh like "Frankfurt Village" or "Bordeaux Town" and forbid people from other heartlands to wear singlets, shorts and slippers and anyhow come here. Maybe like that our HDB flat resale price can go higher.

So Mr MP-wannabe, you don't have to grow up from a low-income family, but before you ask whether I can tick for you, think of what you can do to help me get enough income to support my family.

I will vote for you reason #3 - IF you gimme back my Merlion

Oh yes Mr MP-wannabe, I will go to the very ATAS ION to buy a very expensive Mont Blanc pen specially to put a tick on your box...

• If you free Merlion from its misery. The Merlion belongs to the people of Singapore, regardless of race, language and religion, or the number of fifty dollar notes in our wallets, and it should be free to stand by the sea while we take pictures and picnic next to it, not locked up for some expensive one-night stands with rich tourists.


• If upon becoming a Minister, you will spare a small portion of your pay to buy back the Raffles Hotel from that Qatar businessman, so that we can have part of our heritage back.


• If you fire the smart alec in STB who anyhow gave Singapore away to the tourists and while you are there, change the tag line to "Our Singapore".


• If you tell the Primary schools to give their vacancies to Singaporeans and let the new immigrants take the left overs. If not, even if I were to queue for 3 days 3 nights outside the school, I still can't beat the rich guy from India who donated a computer lab to the school, or the pei-du-ma-ma from China who volunteered to be the school's slave for 24/7.


• If you make it compulsory for fast food chains to employ only people who speak proper English or Singlish. I can understand the aunty asking "You want upsize?" but not the China gal asking "doyouwanttoupsizeyourmeal?".


• If you ask immigration to go catch all the loose foreign talented prostitutes and beggars all over the island. Geylang used to be the only red light district in Singapore, not Joo Chiat, Marine Parade, Bedok, Kovan or People's Park.


• If you chase away those countless Chinese steamboat restaurants and give us back our Chinatown. Despite the name, "Chinatown" does not belong to China.


• If you can give us back our Sentosa. We used to go to the cheap chalets in Sentosa and hang around and de-stress. Now rich new immigrants stay at the expensive bungalows and Singaporeans go to the casino to get poorer and more stressed. Yah I know, already got one MP who said he got debated things like gambling passionately and he got bite. But the casino still goes on right? If we vote you in to talk on our behalf, but when you talk nobody listens, then we vote you in for what?

So Mr MP-wannabe, before you ask whether I can tick for you, think of what you can do for me first.

I will vote for you reason #2 - IF you ask SPH to stop playing cheat

Oh yes Mr MP-wannabe, I will vote for you, draw a very nice and straight tick on your box with a long metal ruler...

• If you can ask SPH to stop calling some party newbies as Young talent or New faces, and other parties' new faces as Newbies. Must be consistent in the naming mah.


• If you can advise SPH that if they want more sales for their newspapers, it helps to have more coverage of the other parties, like 50-50 vs the one party, instead of 10-90 now.


• If you can be nicer to me after I've voted for you, like lending me your ears instead of asking "Yes, what now?" during the meet-the-people session.


• If you stop treating me like a brainless retard that only knows how to eat, that's why you always have to explain politics to me using analogy of local food like mee siam or D24 durian or chili crab. After all the kopi talks in kopitiams over all the stupid decisions some people made, the average Singaporean does know a bit about politics after all.


• If you can do your walk-arounds and visiting not only during election period but also after you are elected. It is not easy to queue up to meet you during your meet-the-people session, so if you really want real feedback from real people living in your constituency, I'll suggest having at least a yearly walk-around in the neighbourhood. Don't worry, we won't bite one.


• If you can ask SPH to print all the rally timings and locations on the newspapers so that I can plan where to go and what to watch. While one party has all the air time on TV, the other parties' live rallies are more interesting, and are always full house. If I can know the schedule earlier, I can go there earlier to chop place.

So Mr MP-wannabe, before you ask whether I can tick for you, think of what you can do for me first.

I will vote for you reason #1 - IF you take away ERP

Oh yes Mr MP-wannabe, I will vote for you with all my hands my legs and my little pink heart...

• If the moment you become a Minister, you volunteer to donate out all your salary to LTA so that they can remove the ERP system and still make profit.


• If you strap off motor insurance and put all those motor insurance companies to bankruptcy. Don't worry, if we lang-ga, we can settle ourselves at our Ah Beng workshops one.


• If you tell gahmen to subsidise the ever-rising petrol price. If Truly Asia can subsidise petrol for so many cars in their country so big, I'm sure subsidising the little cars in our little red dot should cost even less.


• If you tell LTA to summon those buggers who illegal park right outside the shopping malls and block my way to the carparks.


• If you put more traffic police on the expressways during peak hours to stop those buggers from misbehaving and banging onto each other, then create super long massive jam and make me late for work.


• If you put some Fatimahs at the washing bay every weekend to stop people from illegal parking there so that I can wash my car.


• If you can ask those Fatimahs to also take note of people opening their doors in the car park, and if these buggers or their retarded kids are caught banging their doors on the car parked next to them, summon them $500 per bang.


• If you can ask that since-when-become-so-ATAS National Library at Bugis to lower their parking fees because that is not really the way to encourage more people to read.


• If you strap off all the bus lanes so that people who did pay road tax get to use the roads. After all, the way these buses are driven, if they air-air drive into our lanes, any car will give way to them one, so we don't need these bus lanes and give LTA some more reasons to earn our hard earned money.


• If you change the whole COE balloting system such that the poor pays less and the rich pays more. The last that I heard, some MP-wannabe said that if you stay in a four-room flat, you are poor, so I should pay a poor man's COE as compared to the guy staying in Sentosa Cove.

So Mr MP-wannabe, before you ask whether I can tick for you, think of what you can do for me first.

The Diary of a Useless Manager - Planning a Department Outing

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

Boss has just told me that we have still got some bucks left in the recreation fund for the year and suggested that we should plan for a department outing to award the staff and nurture bonding at the same time. Enthusiastically, he called for a meeting involving me and a couple of my assistant managers.

A couple of ideas were brought onto the table...

Assistant Manager A: How about a weekend trip to the Universal Studios?
Welfare Manager: But I don't think our left over fund is enough to pay for all.
Assistant Manager A: Hmm... how about we subsidise with whatever amount we can and ask the staff to pay for the other part of the fee then?
Boss: That's a good idea!

No! That was definitely not a good idea! I know my gals! Going to the Universal Studios will mean that they have the freedom to do whatever they want during the whole outing! Which means that they'll be having fun with the rides and snacking together, and leaving me alone with the other grandpas and grandmas on the benches! I don't want to go to Universal Studios alone!

And so I objected,"No, I think going to the Universal Studios is not a good idea. Everyone will be all over the place, there won't be proper bonding! We should sit down and just have a meal instead! Then people can chit chat and bond at the table!"

Boss: Oh, that's a good idea!

We continued to brainstorm on dining ideas, though I swear I could feel the heat coming from some of my assistant managers after I rejected the Universal Studios suggestion.

Assistant Manager B: I know of this buffet lunch at this hotel which is quite value for money. They have quite a well spread as well.
Welfare Manager: As long as it's within our budget, there shouldn't be any problem.
Boss: Hmm... buffet lunch, that's a good idea!

It looked like almost everybody knows a good buffet at some posh hotel, but I wanted to participate in the discussion as well. And I happen to know of a venue that is cheap and good!

And so I happily suggested,"I know of this seafood place at Geylang that is cheap and good!", and then everybody stopped and stared at me.

Assistant Manager B: Did you just say Geylang?

Ha! I just know that I'm the only one who knows of this treasure! This seafood place serves great seafood and is so much cheaper than those usual seafood restaurants like Long Beach and No Signboard! And because it is in a kopitiam, you don't even have to pay service charge!

Assistant Manager B: So it's a seafood store in a kopitiam in Geylang?
Welfare Manager: Erm... we do actually have more budget than that, you know?
Assistant Manager C: Eeeeee... department lunch in Geylang?
Assistant Manager B: It's even worst if it's a dinner...
Assistant Manager A: Wait... is that kopitiam seafood store halal? We've got Muslims you know?

Oops... I forgot about the Muslims! But almost immediately, I've got a great idea again! We can have two lunches! Geylang seafood for the non-halal and some Malay restaurant somewhere for halal!

Assistant Manager A: So the non-Muslims will bond with the non-Muslims and Muslims will bond with Muslims huh?

Walauz! She must have said that to malu me just because I rejected her Universal Studios idea lor!

Boss: No, this is definitely not a good idea! I don't want people to find our whole department in Geylang!

Damn it.

What a greedy green monster!

Long long time ago, I used to have a little black box that let me escape from the repeats of repeats on the free-to-air channels and get to watch what the rest of the world watches - fresh new TV programs.

Then one not-so-fine day, the cable operator announced a new digital box which was supposed to do exactly the same thing as the little black analog box, but in digital. Oh, and it didn't have a time display like the analog one. Gradually, the cable operator introduced more channels that were offered only on the digital box. Then gradually and sneakily more channels were removed from the analog box and placed on the digital box. In the end, I was paying full for only half of what I used to watch.

So the greedy green monster whispered to me,"Go change to the digital box lah, only a few dollars more every month mah!", and so I switched.

Then one not-getting-any-better day, the cable operator decided to split the main channels that I was watching into little sub channels. The Discovery channel was split into other sub channels to discover specific things, so you need to watch the Turbo channel to discover cars, Science channel to discover Science, while the National Geographic channel split out a Wild channel for wild animals and Adventure channel for adventures. The main Discovery and National Geographic channels still remained but all the interesting stuff seemed to have gone to the sub channels, which are charged separately.

So the greedy green monster whispered to me again,"Go subscribe to more channels lah, only a few dollars more every month mah!", and so I subscribed to the new Lifestyle group that contains stuff I used to be able to watch on the Education group.

Then one bad day, my video cassette recorder gave up on me. Since I couldn't find any video tape anywhere anymnore (not even Sungei Road), I decided to change my digital box to the hubstation to continue recording. But the customer service told me that they have stopped inventory for the hubstation, and I had to get the hubstation HD instead, which is 75% more expensive because of the word HD. It was not as if I had any other choice, so without the greedy green monster whispering to me, I paid more to subscribe to the hubstation HD.

Then one very very agonising day, March 1 2011 to be exact, I could not view any of the HD channels anymore. Apparently in order to watch a HD channel on my hubstation HD, I need to subscribe to HD Upsize. Else I'll have to watch normal non-HD channels on my hubstation HD.

When the greedy green monster whispered to me again,"Go subscribe to...", I smashed him onto the ground, stepped on him and switched on my TV to watch the AXN non-HD channel on my hubstation HD.

The Diary of a Useless Manager - Useless IT

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

Today was the day that I went for long breakfast, followed by long lunch, and then even longer afternoon tea-break. Okay, I know I am already doing that everyday, but make it even longer today. Because I couldn't log on to the office network.

This morning when I didn't find the very important report in my inbox, the one that I was supposed to present to my boss and my assistant manager was supposed to do for me, I stomped out of the office to questioned her. She then placed her hands on her hips and answered with a voice louder than me,"I've already sent to you yesterday!". It was then that I realised that my Outlook was not updated because I was not on the office network.

Not being able to log onto Outlook is very serious. This means I can't receive and forward all the reports that I dedicated out, and if I don't send any email anytime soon, my boss will have the wrong impression that I'm not doing any work and I'm very free!

Immediately, I panicked and asked my PA,"I can't access to the office network! How?" and almost immediately, she snapped back at me,"How I know how?! I'm only your PA, I'm not IT! I'll log a ticket for you.". Well, at least she logged a ticket for me.

But after I returned from my long breakfast, my outlook still looked as outdated as I have left it. So I asked my PA whether she has logged my ticket as super urgent, and she answered with a long "Yes".

After my long lunch, I was still off the office network. Being impatient, I asked my even more impatient PA for the IT Manager's number and gave him a ring...

"Have you logged a ticket?"
"Yes, my PA has done it for me."
"Then you'll need to wait for help desk to respond."
"I've already waited the whole morning! Can't you send someone over to take a look?"
"Nope. We can't do anything until help desk has called you, understood your problem, done the first diagnosis and then forwarded us the ticket. Then I'll ask my guy to go over, okay?"
"But I heard that our help desk is in India and they are super slow!"
"Yah, they're slow, but I'm sorry, this is the process. My hands are tied till I receive the ticket."

And I found someone in the organisation who is even more idle than me.

The Diary of a Useless Manager - Upgrading the Scholar Wall

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

We have this gigantic celling-to-floor Scholar Wall at the lobby which greets everyone as they take the lift to work everyday. It has little circular photographs of our scholars all over the wall. It is really a great wall that honors our scholars and their great contribution of... of... of great researches.

However, since I was here, I've also noticed that the wall has not been well maintained. The silver words "Our Scholars" right at the top are not so shiny anymore. Someone from Facilities should talk to the cleaners. Also, the color on most of the photographs seem to have faded. This is a really serious negligence and I had to book an urgent meeting with my boss to talk about it.

My boss too agreed that most of the photographs have already faded from color into gray and white and should have been replaced. And since I was the one who took the initiative to bring it up, the important task of replacing the photographs fell on my laps. Thrilled, I informed one of my gals about this great task. But for some unknown reasons, she didn't seem very happy to locate all the scholars in the organisations and approach them for new photographs. Well, she should be! It was an honorable task!

A couple of days later, she sent me the photographs and a scholars name list. To my surprise, a lot of the scholars have left the organisation so she couldn't get their photographs. This is something I can never understand. Why will a scholar ever want to leave the organisation? The pay is great, the career path is even greater, and all he/she needs to do is research! I will retire here if I'm a scholar! Anyway, I couldn't ask Facilities to replace the photographs else there will be lots of empty circles on the wall. So I requested for an urgent meeting with my boss to sort it out.

Of course I went to the meeting with a couple of suggestions. I suggested putting up photographs of to-be-scholars who are still studying overseas, but my boss's concern was what if they break their contracts, or run around naked in Holland Village, or get arrested for children porn. Then I suggested filling up the empty circles with photographs of management staff like myself (that was secretly my favourite suggestion), but that will mean the silver words "Our Scholars" have to be replaced and my boss was concerned with the cost. Finally, I suggested filling up the gaps with text listing our achievements, but my boss was concerned that there might not be enough to fill up the gaps, even if we were to put in "Others" achievements like "100% Attendance in the YOG events by all staff". Well, we can always make the font size super big, but that might not look nice on the wall.

So at the end of the meeting, my boss patted me on the shoulder and said,"It's okay, we'll just leave the wall as it is now, and we'll see to it again next quarter."

The Diary of a Useless Manager - Please use the $70 voucher!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

We have just bought some new phones in the office and as a gratitude, the vendor has given us a $70 supermarket voucher. But never did I expect that it'll be that difficult to use up this $70 voucher.

I thought it would be a good idea to spend the $70 to top up the pantry with some biscuits and titbits. So as a democratic head of unit, I emailed the department and asked them to submit a list of items that they would like to purchase with the voucher, with details like item description, price and quantity. You would have expected me to be overwhelmed by eager suggestions from my happy staff right? Wrong! After one whole week, I received zero email. So I called my PA into my room.

I asked her why nobody responded to my email and she just folded her arms and said,"Because nobody in the office has ever worked in the supermarket before, so we don't remember all the stuff that can be found there, and of course we won't know the price even if we do know what we want. And the most important thing is, how do I know whether what I want is also what others want? Even for the same potato chips, I might suggest Brand A but others might prefer Brand B! And even if we did provided suggestions, what if the list of suggested items ended up costing more than $70?".

I hope she was not waiting for me to suggest that I'll top up the amount when she asked that last question. I mean, it's not fair for me to use my own money to buy titbits for the department right?

Since the gals are not co-operative enough to spare a bit of their time to come up with their wish lists to be consolidated into a shopping list (which of course will be done by my PA), we needed a plan B. So I told my PA that they could just take the voucher and go directly to the supermarket to do the purchase. But they have to do it outside office hours.

"What do you mean by outside office hours?", she raised her eyebrow and asked. I thought that sentence explained itself. "Which means, I don't want you girls to go shopping during office hours, and not even during lunch time, because that will mean you girls need to take long lunch." To which she rebutted,"So you want us to run the arrand after work?". Finally she got it.

Since it's free money for them to buy titbits, they should be more than happy to do it right? And anyway I'm not asking the whole office to run this errand, just one volunteer will do.

"So now you want one of us to go to the supermarket after work and buy $70 worth of food, and then bring all these loads of food to the office on the next day?", she snorted.

"Yes", I replied matter-of-factly. I was hoping she will volunteer because her husband drives her to work, but instead she just turned around and walked out of my office! I really need to talk to my PA about her manners. And seriously, I don't know why my gals are making this task seem so difficult when my maid can go to the supermarket alone and bring back a trolley full of groceries!

The Diary of a Useless Manager - All those ungrateful contractors

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

Damn it. Another contractor has resigned. This time round, it is an experienced project manager who has been with the organisation for five years. Five years! Can you imagine how much learning and experience we are going to lose? I heard that he has got a higher paid full time job in another company. But we could have offered him another year of contract! How can he just drop his job and leave after working as our contractor for five years, just because the other company offer him a full time position? Ungrateful bastard!

It has always been our organisation's policy to offer more contract positions, after all that was a recommendation coming directly from our ministers, and I totally agree with it. You know, I really don't see any problem with working for us as a contractor. It's not like we discriminate them and treat them with less respect. And it really helps in our bottom lines, because the organisation can save so much on operation costs! No bonus costs, training costs, no employee benefits, they can't take our free shuttle bus and we just need to pay the minimum medical benefits! It's really a win-win situation! They get a job, and we save money!

I really don't understand why is it so difficult to hold on to our contractors. Most of them don't last long in our organisation and the moment another company offer them a full time position, they'll almost always leave us. There is this team in this department where we have a contractor manager leading a team of full timer staff, and this contractor manager position never last more than a year. Sigh...

And with the job market getting better these days, it is getting more and more difficult to fill up the contract positions. There was this guy that I interviewed for a project management position, mind you, it was a very high profile position managing a organisation wide project and the minimum requirement was a Masters Degree with at least 5 years of related working experience. At the end of the interview, I was already certain that he was the right guy. But he had to ask that stupid question to spoil it all! He asked what will happen after the project ended! DUH! Of course he'll be asked to go lah! If not then what?! And the thing that really pissed me off? He then told me that he was not interested in the position anymore! What a waste of my time!

Oh, you asked what about me? Of course I'm a full time staff lah! DUH!

RPG Games you will not want to miss in 2011

Final Fantasy XIII-2




Final Fantasy XIV




Dragon Age 2




Ni No Kuni




VALKYRIA CHRONICLES 3




Trinity Souls of Zill O'll

Board of Film Censors said The Kids Are NOT All Right

The Board of Film Censors rated Oscar-nominated film The Kids Are All Right as category R21, applying to 'films that may contain adult issues, themes and more explicit scenes,' and limited its release to one single print. Why? Got naked women in front of mirrors? Got hot sex? Nope. Got fully clothed decent lesbians.



Yap! The Kids Are All Right is a comedy from acclaimed director Lisa Cholodenko, starring Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, and Mark Ruffalo. The story goes that the two teenagers went to seek out their biological father and introduce him into the family life that their two mothers have built for them. And of course with the introduction of a "new" family member, the family ties are defined, re—defined, and re—re—defined. Yes it has a funny but touching story line with good actors and actresses, but it also touches the sensitive part of our gahmen.

The New York Times raves that it’s "a generous, nearly note—perfect portrait of a modern family," Entertainment Weekly calls the movie "funny, smart and sexy!", and the Board of Film Censors says "'films should not promote or normalize a homosexual lifestyle". Oh, and they also emphasise a very very important point. They said they already made a concession to allow the film's release, rather than to ban it. So be happy that they allow ONE PRINT ONLY and don't ask for too much okay!

If you're keen in watching that one print, go bookmark Cathay's movie page and look out for the release date. If you're internet savvy like most of us except the gahmen, you know where to find it. Or the last resort, you can always rely on our friendly DVD vendors across the bridge. :)

The Diary of a Useless Manager - It's not just a seventy dollars in-tray

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

That day, my assistant manager told me that we need to procure in-trays for the department. Seriously, I don't see the reason for getting an in-tray. If I've got work for them to do, isn't it easier for me to throw the files on their tables, than to have to aim and throw into the in-tray? And furthermore, they have asked for those enclosed in-trays with drawers, which cost seventy over dollars each! Tsk, tsk, tsk... I really need to talk to these gals about working Cheaper, Better, Faster. Anyway, I told my assistant manager that I can't just approve and I need to check with Finance first, so she sighed and left my room. So rude.

So I went to look for the head of Finance to inform her that I might need to procure a seventy over dollars in-tray for each of my gal in the department. I thought that she would agree with me that this is too much of a spending and disapprove it, but instead, she just rolled her eyes, sighed (again!) and replied "It's your budget, why are you asking me? Anyway it's only seven hundred over dollars in total right?". WTH? Isn't she the head of Finance? Shouldn't she be more prudent to ensure that every buck spent is justified? How can she just let me spend seven hundred over dollars just like that?

While Finance is not doing their jobs, that doesn't mean I can't do mine. So I've decided to investigate more into the reason for getting the in-trays. I designed a questionnaire and scheduled to meet each of my gal face-to-face and interview them on why they need an in-tray. Questions like "Why do you need an in-tray?", "How will you use the in-tray?", "How often will you use the in-tray?", "How will the in-tray assist you in your job?", and the most brilliant one: "Will you say you can still improvise and do your work well without the in-tray?". Smart right?

After spending days of interviewing my whole department, I consolidated all data to analyse them. I know I had to cancel a few meetings and put off some urgent work to do this investigation, but I feel that this is necessary and should be treated with high priority. Oddly, all of my gals seem to have good reasons for having an in-tray. But I believe these can still be considered as excuses for not doing their jobs well with the minimum tools. So I asked my assistant manager, why didn't the previous head procure the in-trays for them. There must be a good reason for the previous head not to give in to them and I want to leverage it!

Then my assistant manager replied,"Oh she did! We used to have in-trays but those were very old and broken and we had to let go when we shifted to this new building. And anyway, during her times, we didn't have that much paper work to do and so we didn't procure and replace." Is it just me, or does she sound like complaining about the amount of jobs that I delegate to them?

The Diary of a Useless Manager - If you don't know, I lagi don't know!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is NOT my diary. This is just a fictional story of an useless little manager working in a large local organisation. If you work in a large local organisation and find this figure looking suspiciously like your manager, it is only because these useless managers breed freely in large local organisations and the only way to stop them is to remove their stable diet - their subordinates.

I'm a manager working in a huge local organisation. We have long long time ago claimed to be privatised, but don't worry, we still run our business like a regular statboard. We have to, you know? So that we can still keep all the red tapes.

What you're reading now is my diary which I try to write everyday in the office. What? You think I should be writing it at home after work and before sleep? Siao ah? I want to spend my precious private time doing more important things like watching TV okay! And further more, with the electricity bill going up, I really don't want to switch on my computer and aircon at home. Anyway, since I'm a manager, I've got my own room, so nobody knows what I'm doing inside what!

But then hor, even though this is a diary, don't expect me to update everyday okay. Sometimes I do get busy with real work, sometimes I need to go for long lunches and tea breaks with my bosses to socialise, and sometimes I need to take leaves and MCs. So don't complain this is not a diary when you don't see me posting everyday.

I've got a team of gals working for me in my department, who will take care of everything that their jobs require, including doing my job. And in today's diary, I would like to complain about them.

All my gals have been working in the organisation longer than me. Oh, I've only joined the organisation coming to a year. So naturally they should know more than me right? But sometimes I don't think they are very happy to help. Especially when I asked them to do my job.

I mean, look. I've only been here for slightly less than a year, so they can't expect me to know my job well right? I know I ask the same questions on how to do the same report every month, but hey, it takes time to learn what! And I also need time to pick things up, so if I don't know what is happening most of the time, they can't expect me to contribute during meetings right? But I know that as a responsible manager, I must learn how to delegate. So I came up with the brilliant idea that, instead of taking so much effort to learn the ropes, I should just delegate my jobs to my assistant manager and the rest of the gals. Smart right?

But today, my assistant manager has made me very angry. When I handed her one of the report that I was tasked by higher management to do, she had the cheek to tell me she has not seen that report before and she don't know how to do it! So I told her off: "If you don't know, I lagi don't know!" WTH right?

I don't want to eat alone

This is what happens when the world, oh okay, at least the country, is in peace, and all ministers and MPs decided to think before they talk. When there is not enough news to fill up the newspapers pages. This is the time when you get to read all kinds of hilarious news like some old actor refusing to pay his wife's alimony after he divorced her for a gal young enough to be his daughter, or the latest "I Dare to Eat Alone" campaign from NUS. My first thought? These university people really very free hor.

Like that also can? Like that also can be a campaign? Then what's next? "I Dare to Fight Alone" to encourage Ah Bengs with parangs to stop gang fights and be brave enough to stand up for solo fights? "I Dare to Gamble Alone" to discourage gambling uncles and aunties from bringing their friends along to the casinos? "I Dare to Contest Alone" to encourage GRC MPs to stop hiding behind high profile ministers?

And seriously, why should NUS be encouraging people to feel good about eating alone? Do these twenty-plus organisers know the meaning of eating alone?

If you eat alone in school, it means you're the kiasu loser who is always busy studying to score better than the rest of the class, prefers to do your projects alone so that you don't have to share your knowledge and you do not want to waste your time taking long lunch breaks and socialise with the other classmates.

If you eat alone in army camp, which I can't imagine how can it even be possible, it means you're the saboking loser who is either too slow and have problem keeping up with the platoon, or too quick and on to sabo the whole platoon. You are definitely the one targeted for blanket parties.

If you eat alone at work, it means you're the anti-social loser who is always on a different page from the rest of the team, and you only have enough guts to shoot arrows through emails. You may be the most hardworking worker in the team, but you're also the one they gossip about in the pantry breaks that you're never invited. If you poor bastard manage to climb up the ladder to be a manager one day, you can be sure you'll be fighting alone as well.

Actually I've got a better idea. Instead of encouraging university students to eat alone, why don't we have a "I Dare to Share Table" campaign? If you're alone, go share table with other schoolmates! Awkward? This is exactly what the Hong Kong people do! In crowded cafes and even dim sum restaurants, the Hong Kong people will opt to share tables with strangers. To the customers, they can cut the long waiting queue, and for the businesses, they can have faster turn-around-time, so this is a win-win situation. How many times in Singapore have you seen a couple taking up a table for 4 and think "Walau, what a waste of table"?

And do the Hong Kong people feel awkward about sharing table with strangers? No. Most of the time they actually ended up chatting with these strangers and share pointers on what's good or bad on the menu. I thought SM Goh has wanted us to start some "Vertical Kampong" spirit without the kampong? This is a good place to start.

Don't blame us, blame your position!

Recently, some rich and successful young chap who paid $10,000 for MM Lee's signature started a vulgarities war with a rather popular blogger who is famous for his humourous use of vulgarities. Yah I know, you can already see who is at the losing end. Like an army cook challenging Macro Pierre White to a cooking competition. But that is not the reason why this chap is famous overnight.

You've got people pissing off people on the Internet all the time. One day you have Xiaxue and Dawn virtual bitch slapping one another, another day you have Steven Lim bitching about another bitch. While we chase their blogs, tweet about it and kaypoh about it, like a Channel 8 drama series, we quickly forgot all about it. Well, at least these hu-has do not make it to the newspapers like this chap. So what's the difference this time? Because he is a YPAP chairman.

Same reason why while there are perverts and peeping toms caught and charged everyday, it raised a higher eye brow when Danny Soo Ee Hock took upskirt digital video recording of women going up escalators. Because he was the previous YPAP Chairman of Punggol South. Same reason why we remember the scholars who walked around naked in Holland Village or watched child porno in London. Because they are scholars.

So why are we so harsh on these high flyers? Are we being biased? But can you blame us? These people are from the Elite class so they are expected to behave, well, like an Elite! They're supposed to be ATAS-er, Smarter, Holier, not like us Cheaper, Better, Faster!

Just like when you choose your magician in your RPG team, you will choose an elf and you expect him to be intelligent enough to remember all spells overnight, but for your warrior who is a dwarf and only knows how to fight, you can still close one eye if he is stupid enough to fall into traps all the time.

So when we overheard some Ah Beng mechanic who earns just above the minimum wage... oh wait, I forgot we still don't have a minimum wage. Okay let's do this again. When we overheard some poorly paid Ah Beng mechanic swearing or caught some Ah Seng gangsters street fighting, we don't really care. But no, we cannot tolerate any YPAP chairman throwing vulgarities on the Internet. Especially when one day he might become a MP, or worse a minister, and we are paying for his highest-in-the-world pay check.

Why so many book taxis and not enough babies?

The press said that more book taxis in stronger economy, but in actual fact, this has nothing to do with economy. These are the real reasons why more book taxis...

• Because all the taxis are either at the airport or IRs.


• Because more taxis taking part in Operation Shadow where they hid in the bushes (or kopitiam) and wait.


• Because it is too easy to book a taxi by dial-a-cab, sms-a-cab, iPhone-a-cab, online-book-a-cab...


• Because more people are getting more impatient.


• Because more people saw that more people are booking taxis, so they also book.


• Because more people have given up on over-crowded MRT trains.


• Because more people have given up on over-crowded buses.


• Because more people cannot afford a COE.

The press also said that Singapore’s total fertility rate has plunged to a record low. So here are the reasons why less babies...

• Because more married couples are put off by the idea that they have to queue up over-night for their kids' place in a kindergarten.


• Because more married couples are still saving up for the medical costs to give birth.


• Because more married women want to keep their promotions.


• Because more married women want to keep their jobs.


• Because more married couples are busy working OT to be Cheaper, Better, Faster.


• Because more unmarried couples could not find a reasonable flat that is affordable.


• Because more singles could not find a Singapore-born Singaporean boyfriend/girlfriend.


• I wanted to state the last reason as because there are more gays, but I'm worried that MDA might rate my post as NC16.

Yui Live - Feel my Soul

Is Singapore arrogant or what?

Recently I saw a TV commercial of one bank claiming that it is "Asia's safest. Singapore best". I was astonished.

This is that one bank which previously had 21 Internet banking accounts being hacked into by a Chinese national, who then made a USD62,000 fortune and ran away to Malaysia happily. How Asia's safest.

This is also the one and only bank in Singapore which not only had their Internet banking, but also all of its ATM machines suddenly gone down for one whole morning one fine day. How Singapore best.

Like some Great Man once said "This was a lapse, what to do, it’s happened", that one bank had definitely heed the advice and moved on. In fact, moved very far away. But it seems that besides one arrogant bank, we have one arrogant politician as well.

One politician said Singapore should not be shy about having one of the highest paid civil services in the world because Singapore's civil service is the world's best and most effective. And coincidentally, that one politician is the same politician who told us to work "Cheaper, Better, Faster". You know, it will really be helpful if that one politician could cite some example of how good and effective our civil services are, for example...

• How the YOG volunteers' food were effectively improved only after a horrific lunch picture was posted online, or how the volunteers' free Formula One tickets were effectively sent to them after the event.


• How floods in Singapore are effectively taken seriously only after Bukit Timah was flooded X number of times and Lucky Plaza Y number of times.


• How the police had effectively searched for Mas Selamat who effectively escaped from the toilet and swam to Malaysia even more effectively on his floating device, and how in the end the Malaysia police had to effectively catch him and return to us. With a price.


• How the MOE had effectively attempted to play down the importance of second language in PSLE, only to enrage the people and then effectively blamed them for mis-interpretation.


• How more BTO flats were effectively built and pushed out in hurry only after the problem in getting affordable flat has been taunting the people long enough.


• How the number of immigrants flooding Singapore is effectively controlled only after there are already too many of them here.


• How the guys in SLA had effectively siphoned enough money to buy a couple of Lamborghini's to crush.

And while we are at this topic, I do wish that we could stop claiming that we have a world-class public transport system. That will mean that Japan's public transport system must be universe-class, best in the whole universe, including the Death Star.

Restaurants need to do more than just banning the kids

Finally some restaurants are putting down their feet to ban kids once and for all. No matter how unfair it may sound to parents, this is actually a very good news for those of us who are not parents. Especially to the couples who have decided not to have any noisy runabout kids in their houses and yet have to go to restaurants full of them.

But then again, some may find this as another case of what the Chinese says "bringing down the whole boat of refugees with a bamboo stick". While most kids are expected to run around the floor in top speed at the top of their voices, there are also kids that will sit down and shut up and eat. For example those who are brought up by drill sergeant dads and discipline mistress moms, and taught to put up their hands before speaking at a dining table. So I agree it'll be rather unfair to these disciplined kids.

So perhaps the restaurants should not reject the kids right at the door, but give them a chance to prove their innocence? Perhaps they could adopt the soccer penalty system where the servers are authorised to present a kid with a yellow card upon inappropriate behavior, and if the kid receives two yellow cards, he or she would be asked to leave the restaurant. And of course that will mean the whole family has to go. Too harsh? What are you expecting? Even for the Singapore Lions, the whole team has to go! Oh... except for the coach in this case...

Actually I reckon the restaurants have more items on their To-do list other than just banning the kids if they really want to make our dining experience enjoyable, or at least bearable. After getting rid of our kids, the restaurants should make these changes themselves as well:

• Ban the handphones. A yelling kid will eventually stop yelling when he or she is tired, but a uncle or aunty can go on and on and on...


• Put up partitions to divide up large tables from the smaller tables. We are actually not interested in the gossips and catch-ups among a table of ex-classmates/ex-colleagues/ex-whatever. And we really don't have to join in their birthday songs.


• Widen the space between tables. Before we can start ordering and eating, we do need to get to our tables. And some restaurants seem to be hinting to us that we need to go on a diet before we can get to our tables. And when we finally managed to squeeze through the gaps, it can be really uncomfortable listening to a chap trying to hook up with a gal or watching the other one all over his gal's hands.


• Give us some water. We have already got desalination plants, Marina Barrage and floods so we have got more than enough water to go around and the price of water is going to remain cheap. So give us our iced or warm tap water! If we really like to have a glass of wine or juice, we will still order it on top of the free iced water, you moron!

MBS Sky Park - our $20 night scene

There's no way that I'm going to pay for the $6 parking fee at Marina Bay Sands, so I parked my car at Marina Square instead. And this gives us the opportunity to walk along the Helix Bridge.



After crossing the Helix Bridge, we were greeted by a land of construction and road blocks. We were so confused that we had to ask a passer-by for the way...

Me: Aunty, which way do we go to the Marina Bay Sands?
Aunty: Har? Don't know.
Me: Er... Aunty, how to go to casino?
Aunty: Oh! Casino har! In front turn left!



Finally we reached the Marina Bay Sands lobby, which is pretty huge with lotsa lifts, with even more security guards standing sternly in front of the lifts. But no sign of the sign to the Sky Park lift. So we've got no choice but to check with one of the security with no expression, only to find out that the Sky Park lift is outside the hotel.



For some reason that must be too chim for us commoners to understand, tripods are not allowed on the Sky Park. So with my ISO set as high as possible and my hands as steady, these are the only photographs that are really acceptable...