Monday, August 20, 2007

无聊的新加坡式笑话... Boliao Singaporean Jokes #4

这一期,我要写的不是joke,而是fact。不过这些fact似乎只可能会在新加坡发生,如果在别的国家,应该会发生游行,示威,抗议吧?因为对他们来说,这些真的是笑话...

最近新加坡这个小岛发生了如此的搞笑事件:

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Singapore Scenes ... Raffles Place

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
高高的UOB在众银行中最突出了

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
知道为什么这头石狮子的牙齿是平的吗?因为它只吃乳酪啊!

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
这一整排的灯很有“花样年华”的感觉哦...

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
一盆盆的水花啦啦地流下来,也让酒店旁这条小巷带点生气

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
晚上的Fullerton Hotel闪耀动人,比起白天的时候华丽多了!

7th July 2007 - Raffles Place
酒店周围的椰树为Fullerton Hotel增添了些热带的感觉

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

What if Singapore were a person?

SingaporePersonified



“小鬼,你这里环境不错哦!有老爸老妈疼,还有一个随传随到的菲佣!看你拽的样子!”



SingaporePersonified



“恭喜你终于毕业了!为了你这个大学生,你老爸还真花了不少钱,老妈也多了不少皱纹啊!”


SingaporePersonified
“嘿嘿~ 在这里怎么说还是读IT的比较吃香吧!哎呀呀~ 你当初又没拿到政府奖学金,你读的那间又不是叫NUS还是NTU的,就别再想着做轻松的政府工啦!可以挤进这间MNC不是更赞吗?好好的在这里拼吧!”

SingaporePersonified



“好耶~ 你到底还是赢得美人归咯!接下来你们还得去HDB申请组屋哦!对了,明年的酒席还是先订吧,不然会没位哦!”

SingaporePersonified



“Bonjour! 你们这一趟欧洲之旅还玩得开心吧?对嘛~ 每天这么辛苦地工作,也应该出出国开心一下嘛!”


SingaporePersonified
“안녕하세요!哇~ 在韩国滑雪很棒吧!数一数你也去过世界上好几个国家玩啰!可是都已经这么多年了,也该停下脚步来生个小孩了吧?听说如果你们这些年轻人再不生多点小孩,政府可能要鼓励聪明的妇女们当未婚妈妈哦!”

SingaporePersonified
“喂!不是才刚花了一大笔钱在麦当劳替他庆祝生日吗?怎么又买玩具给他?家里不是有Gameboy和PS3吗?怎么还买Wii?其实他要的是你的关怀,是要你陪他啊!你们夫妻俩整天就懂得工作工作的,只给他钱,不给他爱,这怎么行!”

SingaporePersonified

“你累吗?钱都花在买房子,养车,供孩子读书了... 日常生活的费用一直在起,你的老板没打算给你加薪吗?我看你好象有点喘不过气来了呀!”

SingaporePersonified

“喂!你别停下来啊!继续做工啊!你还要捱多几年才到65岁,才可以拿你的CPF出来啊!你也千万别病倒啊!你已经没剩多少积蓄啦!”

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

无聊的新加坡式笑话... Boliao Singaporean Jokes #3

你也有这些新一代通病吗?

  • 只是要联络三个朋友,却有九个以上不同的电话号码

  • 只会用msn messenger 来跟坐在你隔壁桌的同事聊天

  • 每天都得花上至少一个钟头等公共交通

  • 和朋友聊天的话题总是以“有没有看到网上最新的...”

  • 公司里的contractors 比full-time staff 还要多,而且他们比较有可能长期做下去

  • 有一些只寄笑话,或好笑的图片和影片,却已经很久没见面和讲话的朋友

  • 星期一到五晚上都想约朋友出去吃饭喝酒,周末和公共假期时却总是想呆在家里睡觉

  • 每三个月就发现刚买不久的高科技产品已经是淘汰品了

  • 每次到food court 吃午餐都很烦恼今天要吃什么

  • 除了那些在网上炒得热的政治话题,你对国家的政治完全没有兴趣

  • 你的顶头上司的学历不一定比你高,搞不好毕业的大学还比你那间差

  • 你上youtube 看电视剧多过从电视上看

  • 看到哪里排长龙的话,你一定会参加一份,譬如说买甜圈圈

  • 在早晨,清洁工人还没开工之前,邮箱周围的地上都会布满传单

  • 你不清楚元朝时百姓们怎么团结起来推翻蒙古人,却知道今年的中秋节得尝尝新口味的月饼

Friday, August 3, 2007

各国的好玩麦当劳广告... Funny MacDonald's Ads

韩国... 和吃薯条的大只佬搭巴士


日本... 为什么进不了电梯


香港... 软硬天师送狗迎猪新年广告


台湾... 王力宏 = 黄绿红?

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Mandarin cool... so are Japanese and Korean! #3

Lesson 3 - At the airport

Hanyu Pinyin is used as the basic form of pronounciation here, unless otherwise stated. For those not familiar in Hanyu Pinyin (were you sleeping in your Primary school chinese lessons?), these are some illustrations:

a = a as in art
i = i as in ink
u = oo as in cool
e = a as in air
o = aw as in paw
ao = ou as in ouch
an = un as in until




John: Where are the luggages?
Xiao Ming: 请问行李在哪里? (qing wen xing li zai na li)
Nakamura: にもつはどちらですか? (ni mo tsu wa do chi ra de-su ka)
Yong Su: 짐 어디 에 있어요? (jim o-di e i so yo)

John: Where is the airport bus?
Xiao Ming: 请问机场巴士在哪里? (qing wen ji chang ba shi zai na li)
Nakamura: くうこうバスはどちらですか? (ku-u ko-u ba su wa do chi ra de-su ka)
Yong Su: 공항 버스 어디 에 있어요? (kong hang po su o di e i so yo)

John: Where is XYZ?
Xiao Ming: 请问XYZ在哪里? (qing wen ... zai na li)
Nakamura: XYZはどちらですか? (... wa do chi ra de-su ka)
Yong Su: XYZ 어디 에 있어요? (... o-di e i so yo)

John: Here
Xiao Ming: 这边 (zhe bian)
Nakamura: こちら (ko chi ra)
Yong Su: 여기 (yo gi)

John: There
Xiao Ming: 那边 (na bian)
Nakamura: そちら (so chi ra)
Yong Su: 저기 (cho gi)

John: Further away there
Xiao Ming: 在远一点那边 (zai yuan yi dian na bian)
Nakamura: あちら (a chi ra)
Yong Su: 거기 (ko gi)


Disclaimer: I'm not a Chinese/Japanese/Korean teacher and I'm only sharing what I know. These lessons are not part of any formal text books and you don't get any certifications from learning them. You will not become an expert from these lessons because I'm not any expert myself. The only thing I can guarantee is that your Chinese/Japanese/Korean friend can finally understand what you're trying to say.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

相间何太急?Why can't Nicholas Lazarus be more tolerant?

最近有个叫Nicholas Lazarus 的家伙在 Young PAP Blog 里写了一篇看似很有道理但其实是妖言惑众的长篇大论。很难想象到了今时今日还存在着这等食古不化的家伙...

"With all this talk about legalizing homosexual acts, I was just pondering what would happen if such acts were indeed legalized.

Imagine men walking hand in hand with other men down Orchard Road, kissing, fondling and making out.

For that matter, imagine all that taking place on the MRT."


如果真的发生如此的景象,那就见鬼了。首先,就算政府真的把同性行为合法化,所有的男同志,女同志就会突然一起手拉着手出柜了吗?他们好像还会照顾到父母和所有爱他们的人的感受吧?而且同性行为合法化并不等于说可以在公共场所开放地做出猥亵的举动吧?那么现在一男一女的性行为是合法的吧?谁有看到整条乌节路上都是一对对的男男女女互相亲吻,抚摸吗?

"Instead of teachers dealing with boy-girl relationships, teachers would have to deal with boy-boy relationships."

男同志们不是人吗?为什么其他人可以有感情的困扰,而男同志们就没有这种权力?如果老师可以开解有感情问题的男女同学们,那为什么他不可以试着了解有烦恼的男同志同学呢?再说,这句话似乎是在推算说如果同性行为合法化的话,学校里会有无数的男同学突然有兴趣当起男同志来。这也太扯了吧?

"Then, you might have the homosexuals all over Asia descending upon Singapore to flaunt what they cannot in their own countries."

新加坡是世界上唯一一个同性行为合法化的国家吗?再说,外国的同志们会因为这个原因突然都跑来新加坡吗?那我们还干嘛建IR?世界上的男同志肯定会比赌鬼多吧?

"Leaving aside my religious views on this matter, I am against any change of law/policy on homosexuals because:

1. They threaten the social fabric of the nation. Their ways represent an alternative for which we should not accept as being mainstream."

这句话和古早的白人歧视黑人,或贵族歧视平民有什么不同?如果这家伙真的当上部长级的人物,我们可以保证他不会有种族或宗教歧视吗?

"2. They cannot procreate and thus cannot produce offspring for our nation."

如果不能或不想生育的人民都应该被歧视的话,那么要把所有不打算或不能生育的男男女女都放逐到外国去吗?那么我们需要顺便多加一条法列把堕胎废除掉,然后搞一个“未婚先孕运动”来推广推广吗?

"3. They cannot serve as soldiers because instead of serving alongside our men in green, they are more keen to sodomise them."

男同志们都是那么性饥渴的吗?按照他们对自己的形象的高要求来看,我想他们的审美观应该不至于差到见一个爱一个吧?而且举一反三的话,那我们的女军人们不都很有被男军人们侵犯的危险吗?昏~


虽然我不是男同志,但我想这样的批评对他们来说也太不公平了吧?我们没权干涉别人的性倾向,所以也不应该指责他们的选择。大家不都是新加坡人吗?难道这么一点容忍也不可以有吗?